I think I"ve temporarily given up looking for a guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
I think I"ve temporarily given up looking for a guy
46
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 9:02pm

I'm more or less done w/ OLD--my match subscription ran out and I didn't renew and I haven't even been tempted to look--every time they send me one of those emails w/ potential matched, it's always guys who have been on forever and I probably already tried emailing them anyway.

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Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
I think I probably would have responded to the first guy that way. How annoying. You've just recounted every reason why I quit old a long time ago, minus the part about getting zero responses.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

I too am thinking of quitting all online as I am not geting the responses that even interest me this year.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Don't feel too bad, Music. Many of us have come to this point. For me, I am relatively happy with my life. I have a great job, friends and family, and cat. Even the best men are high maintenence , and I am not at all sure I want to cater to one. Being in healthcare and taking care of patients and their families all day, I don't think I would want to take care of someone at home. Of course, I am 50, and well past the nest building stage. I have joked to my mom that I would like a "part-time lover" like the Stevie Wonder song. I have two older sisters in long-term marriages that are sick of the demands, sex, etc. They love their husbands, but are envious of me.

I am sick to death of online, and don't think I will do it again any time soon. Of course, the gurus like Evan Katz push, push , push Match.com. Does it ever occur to people that these dating gurus get kickbacks?

I recently read a great book by Amy Spencer, "Meeting your half-orange" It is by far the most positive book about dating and general living that I have ever read. She is basically saying to love your life and do not pursue things that make you unhappy, like online dating does for me.
The conclusion I have come to, and it feels damn good: I will live my life to the fullest. If someone comes along, great, if not, I really don't feel that I will have lost much.
But gone are the days that I will make online dating a second full-time job, or even an option at all.

Or maybe it is just I do not have the desire other women have.

For me, if it happens at all, it will be IRL. I am waay above the bull of OLD, no disrespect to those who have had success in this milieu.
Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

Well, good for you. Even if this just turns into an extended break, I think it's healthy to get away from it. As you may recall, I stopped after four years of frustration back in November and haven't missed it one bit. And, even in my "real" life, I'm not focusing on how I can meet men. I'm tired of the scheming and planning and hoping and trying. So like Gleanfia, I am focusing on living as full a life as I can. However, I very much want to meet someone and I will feel cheated if I never do. I miss sex but I am unwilling to have a FWB or flings. But I think the relentless pursuit is counterproductive, not to mention depressing. It shouldn't be like a part time job, which is how it has felt to me. I say let them find me for a change.

Don't get me wrong: it's not like I'm sitting at home watching Lifetime movies.

I was out with my meetup group a couple of Sundays ago, and at the restaurant, I saw someone I used to work with at another table, obviously on a date. She has been doing OLD for a long time and I'm pretty sure she met a boyfriend she had online (they broke up). It looked like it was a first meet and frankly the guy was just unappealing. I saw how hard they were trying, how he kept touching her arm, how she tried to stay sparkling--and all I could think was "I'm so glad I'm not at that table."

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I so agree with what everyone says but it just sounds awfully depressing to not have someone in our lives and to even stop looking just sounds sad to me..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Maybe, Free, the terrorist's bullet will only scratch you and things will turn out that he'll be single as well as not being a bad guy, and you'll both end up living a happy life off of his terrorist organization retirement checks. Anything is possible! I've always enjoyed your spirit and openness Free, those qualities have to come across when you meet people. Keep at it as you have, there will be many guys who will be glad to have found you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Ha ha JT.. You have given me the first big laugh of my day and I thank you.

Wow; it is amazing how you have figured me out on a message board and yes that is who I am.. Candid, no bull and open and pretty much honest with a def. free spirit.

As far as that Terrorist I do hope he has some huge oil wells and indeed retirement checks ..

hey; I remember back when I was like 30something and I did some side work in catering halls where they held huge parties. I came upon many

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005

Yea, Free, I also admire your optimism, that's the way to go !

I believe that when you really really want something, you'll get it. It's always been like that in my life and I'm sure you'll find someone one day (or he'll find you). My grandma got married for the second time when she was in her 60s to a very nice man whom I considered my grandfather (and divorced in her 70s lol). She always took care of herself, had fun, went dancing (till she was well in her 80s)...And boy, did she have a difficult life !

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I like the idea of part time lover too--at least right for now where I still have a teenager at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I can't say I totally like being alone either--I would rather have a BF, but I just kept thinking that the definition of insanity is when you keep on doing the same thing & expecting a different result.

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