I think I"ve temporarily given up looking for a guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
I think I"ve temporarily given up looking for a guy
46
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 9:02pm

I'm more or less done w/ OLD--my match subscription ran out and I didn't renew and I haven't even been tempted to look--every time they send me one of those emails w/ potential matched, it's always guys who have been on forever and I probably already tried emailing them anyway.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

you know I have this guy I know from HS and he says to me.. Just wait and a man will appear. Well? Its been awhile and no man.

So same old I wish a man would come and find me but I am not sure it happens like that and I wish it were that easy.

Oh; the HS guy is married and he believes in destiny and fate. Meanwhile he must have single friends and I have asked him about them but he ignores me..

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

I couldn't agree more. Been there done that. But here's the question: why not just go do things you really like? Wouldn't you* be even MORE likely to meet a like-minded man there? I'm all for thinking outside the box and trying new things: that's not what I'm talking about. But when your life becomes this long, dreary, dogged pursuit of men it's depressing.

I've said it before: let him find me for a change.

*"you" in this case is the universal "you", not Gleannfia

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

ha ha..

well I

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008

Well, with all of that effort, I hope you do find someone soon.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

oh; I get that Florida but I was thinking that sometimes we might miss out on opportunities if we just do what we like.

Lets say I hated something with a passion but I know that available men go. Lets take golf.. I dont like golf that much but I have taken lessons for fun and I can actually hit the ball at the driving range. Its not something I would do alot but its where men go? so I would go just to see if there were any available men there for me.. I think we might be talking apples and oranges. right??

I think in order to find what

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

On the surface it seems like common sense, doesn't it?

But take for instance parents who expect and pressure their child to become a doctor, even though the child doesn't really want to. The child feels obligated to go to medical school even though what he really wants to do is be a writer. He may have a hard time not only bucking his parents but in really convincing himself that what he wants is to write.

Or even if one's parents aren't pressuring you, a woman might feel like being a dancer isn't "important" enough, or that it's "impractical."

I also have a friend who has always had a hard time identifying what she really wanted to do for a career, and has spent her life underemployed and going from one unsatisfactory job to another.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Isnt that just common sense.. Like I know if I go near a hot stove and put my hand on it I will get burnt..

If I go swimming with sharks I might get bit and I dont like water.
IF I walk in the park I feel good.. or if I sing in the choir it energizes me..

So the reality is just do what makes you happy and the rest will follow..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005

I enjoyed reading your take on the meaning of life and connections!

I attended a career seminar this week (I am finishing a graduate degree this summer, and about to pursue my first job in my second career.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

well that is very very interesting Florida and thank you for the very detailed information and I love the way you broke that up and explained it. I appreciate that..

I think for me what I call what you wrote soul searching and discovering what makes us tick and what makes us happy.. I always looked at myself as a student of life and I have studied different philosophies and read many books on being authentic and what you have described here. I just have done it from years back because I was truly trying to find myself and work on myself and self awareness..

Right now after all of my discovering I have gone back to a more simpler way of life I guess and of course like you said living in the moment and in the Now because that is all we have.. Past is gone and future not here so the present is a gift. That is the most challenging part.. So as I live simple the more authentic I become.. It could be taking a walk and enjoying the scenery. It could be taking a ride and discovering something new .. A

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

So, the meaning of life....that should be an easy one!

Simply put, deeper meaning is all about connection. Connection to other people and to our authentic selves. I think when we lack intimate connection to other people, we suffer. Having many acquaintances is not the same. I would describe an intimate connection as a relationship in which we can be our true selves, to admit to vulnerability without being shamed, to talk about what is truly important to us and vice versa.

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