I think I"ve temporarily given up looking for a guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
I think I"ve temporarily given up looking for a guy
46
Tue, 03-27-2012 - 9:02pm

I'm more or less done w/ OLD--my match subscription ran out and I didn't renew and I haven't even been tempted to look--every time they send me one of those emails w/ potential matched, it's always guys who have been on forever and I probably already tried emailing them anyway.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

Yup, that was me who saw the woman trying to be sparkling. And that could have been me six months ago.

I so totally agree that we are not defective or damaged goods just because we are single. So many books (not all) written to "help" women be more "successful" in finding a man are actually very damaging, and I've read them all. They try to make you think there's something "wrong" with you and if you could just fix these little things that are "holding you back" (my favorite) then you too could have the man of your dreams. I used to really like Evan Marc Katz, and was a subscriber to his emails. But I grew very weary and then kind of angry at all his admonishings. And I think it was you who pointed out his constant pushing of online dating as the only way to meet a man. I find it so demoralizing (I'm now unsubscribed!). I've now turned to books that are more about finding deeper meaning in one's life, or hey, just some good fiction.

So, I'm all for not beating one's head against the wall. I've really got better things to do, and I don't need fixing.

(Stepping off soapbox now)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Hi;

Well? I believe that I live my life and all of that and I have done alot of soul searching and alternatives to being in a relationship .. I have guy friends and other friends and I do things on my own.. I have women friends and read and just about do what everyday people do.

I would love to find deeper meaning to life or my life and of course its different for everyone but I have yet to find anything other than the life I have now which sucks without someone to share it with.. That doesnt mean I am desperate but I still feel that humans should be a pair..and two heads are better than one..

Florida can you share what you have learned or discovered so far about the meaning to life? I would love to get some new ideas about it or share some titles of the books you are reading? I have read a few of Eckert Tolle's books and he says we dont need anyone in our lives because its really our egos that fule our desire for someone.. Dont know if I buy into that one but hey maybe its true.. He also says we have God and Jesus who will take care of us in times of need. Maybe I just dont have enough faith..

I wanted to maybe see a therapist and find out what they think about all of this but then again what can they really do or say?

thank you

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
I feel as if I have soul mates scattered all over the place. I don't feel as if I'm experiencing life all alone. I may not be having sessy times with any of them, but that doesn't make it any less special. I'm just in a different place. I may wake up one day and regret feeling this way...I can't be sure. Where's that crystal ball at?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Not that I believe in soul mates but I do believe if there are millions of people out there; there has to be one for us. they could be in another state or country... I think the hardest part is finding them but I think they exist.

I didnt understand the last part of your post.

You know my mom's

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
My soul mates are my friends/family. I don't feel as if I'm not sharing my life with anyone, because I am. Even though it's not romantic love, it's enough for me right now. Then I meant, I may regret feeling this way down the road when I'm old and wrinkly...I might become more lonely but I have no way of knowing that now.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Let me tell you a big secret coming from an almost 58 year old woman.. I have so many regrets when I was in my forties in not dating much or looking around for men.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

Go out there and try and find someone..

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I know you are not trying to be a smart alec (lol)

No; when I was 40 I swear I just didnt put myself out in the real world enough.. I met men here and there by accident and dated a bit but not enough. So when 2H came along we had chemistry and fell in love but he was all wrong for me. I should have dated around but back then I didnt do that. I just met someone and immediately got into a relationship.. So what I am saying is yes I think a person who is young enough should go out there and do lots of things and go to lots of singles stuff and truly try and find someone if that is what they want ..atleast they gave it an all time effort and tried. I didnt put much effort into finding Mr.Right because Mr .Wrong was easier to date and fall in love with. Does that make sense?

Trust me I really enjoy my life alot most of the time.. I have things to do and friends and family and I live the best life I can. I think at 58 I am done finding myself although I do live as my authentic self . I am content and have inner peace so for me what is left?what I want now is to find a

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

I'm not going to flame you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

so then get out there and find your MAN and then come back and give us a good juicy story ..okay???

I would love some happy ending on this board.....