I think my ex has a GF

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
I think my ex has a GF
6
Sun, 03-23-2014 - 10:19pm

I saw a post on FB that makes me think my 2nd exH has a GF.  He is a customer of a leather shop and they posted a pic of him wearing a messenger bag and the caption was that "his girlfriend" had it made for him and something about an "awsome couple."  I'd sure love to know who this lucky woman is.  Now I certainly have no desire at all to get back with him and I do not wish ill on him.  I know he has been doing hobbies and stuff to make him happy and that is all fine and good.  I know this will sound kind of mean to say but what is wrong with the universe here where he can get a GF and I can't get even a date?  This guy has so many issues that I used to say that he doesn't just have "baggage", he has the whole set of matching luggage!  He has a serious mental illness, definite anger issues, although maybe they have calmed down, but considering I was DW #3, I kind of doubt it.  He does have a certain amount of romantic charm, which is how he lures women in and he's good at sex and always said he could never go very long without having it and then again, who knows who the woman is.  There are no pics of him on FB with any women so I guess it will remain a mystery for now.  Well this makes me more depressed that I can't find someone, but then again, my standards are higher than the last time.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 10:51am

I know what you mean. 

An ex of mine from before I was married got married last year. I saw it on Facebook. We aren't "friends"--either on or off Facebook. From what I could tell, his new wife is at least 15 years younger than he is. He'd be 68 now. I doubt he has one cent saved, and I imagine she works full time to support the two of them. But yes, I felt a stab. Not that I want to be married to him and taking care of him, but, how is it he finds someone and I can't? It really isn't fair.

But I think many women really are afraid of being alone and will settle for men with issues, just so they can be with someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 11:06am

Hi

I know how you feel but dont forgot there are way more women than men and alot of women will hook up with men they dont really know.. Heck you did it and so did I.. My ex also has a mental illness and was abusive and we have not been together now for almost 9 years.. omg. I cant believe its that long.... Anyway; My ex has managed to have a few relationships since I left him in 2005 and he has a girlfriend now for a few years......She was homelesss and went down to live in Florida and he followed her there.. They now live together and I cant imagine what is going on although someone they know told me that they are both nuts and that they abuse each other.. Okay Better them than me.......and they might even be some physical abuse and someone also told me she drinks to ease the pain.

The gfriend does not work and my ex has spend atleast 90,000 on her and their traveling and all. blah blah blah.......(long story)

So that is the way it goes I guess and yes I am sort of upset that my ex has managed to have a few women and I have had one relationship and some dates and ............Yeah; Go figure..

Your are not alone so I hear you......

.........

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 2:28pm

If I am right about who the woman is, it is someone he has known for many years and I think they used to work together.  He used to talk about her occasionally as someone who was living with a guy or in a relationship with a guy for a long time but he wouldn't get married.  So I guess that guy is out and maybe she is on the path to be wife no. 4.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2001
Wed, 04-02-2014 - 5:12pm

Unless I knew it was a great guy who I let slip away, I am usually pretty sure that the new woman is probably having to deal with the same stuff I didn't want to deal with at the time. I usually feel sorry for the woman for having to put up with their issues. I am never deluded in thinking that he suddenly became this marvellous person for his new mate. It might happen but I think it is rare.

I know that when I date divorced men that there is an ex-wife out there who would probably warn me to get away from them as fast as I could. There are also a lot of women who are not comfortable living alone and are prepared to put up with anything so as not to be alone. I always vote for the alone option.

Beach

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Wed, 04-02-2014 - 11:31pm

I also believe that women are far kinder to flaws than men are.  I work in health care.  I see many men as patients on a daily basis who are married or attached that I would NEVER consider getting involved with. Let's face it, some women are more desperate than others.  I happen to know that my ex-husband has been married at least twice since we divorced. (I don't talk to him but Google is an excellent tool.)  Do I think he is a bargain that slipped away?  Not just no, but hell no!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-03-2014 - 11:23am

I agree--better her than me.  I couldn't stand putting up with all his negativity and depression.  I like being around positive people.