I thought I had it all figured out......
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I thought I had it all figured out......
| Mon, 01-30-2006 - 10:49am |
What a weekend. I had been doing so good w/ my life, I thought I was doing the right thing by taking a break from the dating scene and focusing on me. Actually right now I don't know what the right thing is. I am happy w/ my life for the most part, I am finally over the guy that cheated on me, I am still really good friends w/ his Aunt though, but I DO NOT see him or talk about him anymore. I thought focusing on me and re-learning things about me would be good. Going to the gym, enjoying MY time, doing things that I want to do. I guess I am enjoying that, but I have SO many people looking down on me right now. My friend- the exes Aunt, we go out on the weekends, we get party pretty hard, and then we deal w/ our week. I so want things to be different in my life. I SO enjoy her being my friend and hanging out w/ her, I am 29, she is 41, but I do not think this is the best thing for me, and I DO NOT want to hurt her feelings. This guy that I had a blind date w/ (probably 2 yrs. ago) we still keep in contact, we have tried the relationship thing, he is too forceful and competive, but he and I both want the same things. I can not sell myself short by just "settling" for him, but I have almost given up hope. I really don't know what I am trying to say here. I guess I am just seeking advice on how to figure out what it is I really want right now. How do I plan my future when I don't feel like there is one when I am alone at this time? I can't give up on something that I want so bad, a family! Thanks for reading.............

Hi there! First off, I can see you are trying so hard and you want to believe you are doing better at being single... but it appears to me you are still waiting for "him" to come along and REALLY make you happy. You want to believe you're happy being you and doing your own thing but really you are just biding time till a man walks into your life and you can get the family to make you happy.
Let me also say that I UNDERSTAND - I'm in a similar boat with trying to figure out how to truly be happy with just me (I'm not convinced it's possible but we'll see). So I'm not saying I think you are complete rubbish in the way you feel - I'm just telling you what I see from your post... you say you want to be and believe you are whole without a man but the way you say you feel tells me you really don't feel you can be happy till you get to that place with a man and family.
My one piece of advice, you seem healthy enough to be able to identify red flags in a man that isn't right for you and isn't healthy in his own right... don't ignore those red flags and don't settle to get that man and family if there are red flags because life with red flags is not fun!
Big hugs!
I think figuring out what we really want is a very hard thing to do.
I agree- that doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.