I want to date - what's wrong with that
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| Wed, 02-28-2007 - 11:10am |
I have been in an on and off tumultuous relationship with a man for the past year and half. We love and care for each other very much, unfortunately, we got involved as the result of an affair when I was married to my now ex-husband (big mistake, I know). I had been married most of my adult life and find myself regretting the fact that I've never experienced the single life (I am 43). I want to try online dating. Not to meet my "soul mate" or even get involved in another relationship, but just to experience dating, meeting new people, and having a good time being single and independent.
I've been trying to end the relationship with my boyfriend for quite some time so I could have some freedom to do this. I really feel like this is something I need to do before I even think about settling down and potentially marrying again. He thinks I'm crazy for wanting to be single and date. He points out that all the single girls are trying to find marriage minded men who love them like he loves me.
He doesn’t give up easily and he’s causing me to doubt myself. What do you singles think? Am I crazy for being so obsessed with online dating and dating in general? Is there something wrong with me for giving up a “good” man to be independent and free? We do have a lot of issues, but I think they could be worked out if only my heart was totally in it. Is there a way to convince myself that there’s nothing better out there without actually experiencing it?

I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to date after having been in a long-term relationship or a marriage. In fact, I think it's healthy. It gives you time to grieve, process and recover from the past relationship. It also allows you to meet new people and get an idea of what you're really looking for in a potential parter.
(One caveat -- you said you are "obsessed" with dating and online dating. I can see wanting to enjoy meeting new men, but dating and online dating CAN be challenging and not always fun. I think going in with some realistic expectations is a good idea, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it along the way).
If you are feeling this way while dating someone, to me that might be a sign that you know he's not the right one anyway. Personally, I wouldn't stay in a relationship just because he happens to be into you. You said he loves you. Do you love him?
In the end, I say go with your gut.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
If you were happy in this relationship, you wouldn't feel the need to be free and date others.
I was watching What Not To Wear once, and the woman said she needed new clothes because she'd just signed up for online dating and she'd soon be getting lots of dates.
Good point.
I'm enjoying the single life right now! I don't think that there is anything wrong with wanting to try the dating thing. It gives you time to reflect about your own wants and needs. You should not feel guilty about that. You should be able to enjoy it! The other posters gave really good advice though so keep their concerns and advice in mind. Good luck.
I think you