I want to jump on the bed

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
I want to jump on the bed
22
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 12:01am

I need something more exciting than what's going on in my life right now.

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 05-31-2007 - 6:27am

What a fascinating thread this is.

You all are discovering the sociological phenomenon that happens in our culture as you get older, as soon as you leave school. Even though there are almost as many single as married people, the cultural ideal is marriage and family. You have noticed how your married friends, especially those with children, stop socializing with you. You could have been extremely close at one time, but now you aren't. People use the excuse of being too busy, but it's so much more than that. Basically, your worlds have changed and you just don't have enough in common anymore. Couples socialize with other couples (if they socialize at all). Mothers want to talk about their children to other mothers. And single people want to go out, they want to have long, meandering conversations. It's a real disconnect.

I have been dealing with this phenom for quite some time. Some years I have enough friends, other years I don't. Right now I don't. I will also go do things on my own, and as another poster said, if she didn't, she would never go out. But I'm experiecning extreme burn-out on that at the moment. It just seems too cruel and unfair. I want to share simple things with people. I'd like to tell people just little things, like how there have been an abunudance of cardinals in my yard lately. It really seems to me that if you are not in a relationship, that you are in uncharted territory, indeed, you are living an "unscripted" life. And if you don't have close girlfriends to talk to and to go out with, life becomes very lonely and pretty meaningless. I don't care how many concerts or exotic travel destinations you go to, it's just lonely.

For those of you who are close to your families, that's a good thing. Hang on to that. It may be your only real connection at times.

I don't mean to sound so pessimistic...at times I'm very optimistic and ready go out there and tackle the world. The fact is, the burden of making social things happen is on you. You really do have to make it happen as a single woman. Life requires more planning. It's tiresome and discouraging, but it's just how it is. So the only way to find friends (and gosh, possibly a boyfriend LOL) is to go out and do things that you might enjoy, i.e. the jazz club.

I am an introvert, so I have really had to work on my social skills and learn how to go up to people and talk. It's really not that hard, and most people are grateful for you to break the ice, they really are. It can be as simple as saying to a woman, "I like that bracelet, what's it made out of?" Even if it only becomes a conversation a few sentences long, that's OK. At a jazz club, it could be as simple as saying, "What do you think of this band? Did you see the one last week?" I know it may sound contrived, but it really works. If someone is interested, they will respond.

But it's just hard, OK? I long for other people to call ME (and they do, don't get me wrong). I just wish people would drop by to see me, or that I could do the same.

You know, this weekend I was invited to a cookout hosted by a married couple with a daughter. Everyone there was either married and brought their kids or part of a couple except ME and a gay man. The party was nice enough, I was glad to get out (I love cookouts), but when it was time to go, I knew they were all leaving with someone (except the gay man) and I wasn't. I just want to share my life with someone instead of blazing a social trail all of the time.

All righty then.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 06-01-2007 - 1:23am
Here, here, FG.

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