I Want a Shower, Too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
I Want a Shower, Too!
14
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 9:04pm

Hi, All,

This is my first post here. I'm feeling cranky about something single-girl-ish and hoping maybe someone else can sympathize!

I got word yesterday that my last single friend here in town got engaged (the other two singles I'm close to are a) out of town or b) my ex--everyone else is married or partnered). Of course I'm delighted for her.

But now, I'm feeling crabby at the number of parties I've gone to in the past year for all my friends recognizing their cool life-changing moments...more engagement parties, bridal showers, weddings, and baby showers than you can shake a stick at. Specifically, I'm crabby that they get registries and I don't.

Please don't misunderstand me--I'm 28 and I'm doing fine by myself and I really don't need a registry for anything at all. But I guess it feels like such a rite of passage--the registry is an acknowledgement that something big and important is happening to you nad so therefore all your friends should gather to celebrate you and buy you a ton of presents. It's not that I don't want to celebrate my friends and buy them presents...I suppose I'd just like to be recognized formally sometimes, too. Tonight, it feels a little like all of my friends get to be recognized and cooed over and feted by the people in their lives, and I don't.

Does this make sense to anyone else? Anybody ever have "shower-envy"?! Please reassure me that I'm not the only one who feels left out when everyone else is getting celebrated!

Thanks,
sanctuary2006

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 12:11am
Hello!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2006
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 7:24am

Hi,

I'm new on the board too. I've posted a few times but never formally introduced myself. I'm Dominique, but all my friends call me Dom. I'm also in my late 20's.

I'm in the same boat as you - I have just a few single friends left. And yes, sometimes having another bridle/baby/bachlorette thing to do is really frustrating, but here's how I get myself over my shower envy.

1 - I know my friends are happy and I know that if and when I have a shower they'll be just as happy for me, and (and don't laugh at number 2, oh, ok laugh, it's pretty dorky)

2 - Bridle showers are just a modern holdover from the antiquated bridle dowry system. Someone didn't sit down a few years ago and say "Hey, they're awesome for getting married, let's buy them the whole french porcelain set from Pottery Barn," it's just an evolved form of everyone in the village helping the newlyweds get set up in their home/farm/castle what have you. Again, a really dorky and way too historical way to think of things, but it makes me feel better.

And if that doesn't help you, just think that when you finally register you can go for the really expensive stuff. LOL - just kidding.

Dom

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2006
Sat, 03-04-2006 - 8:56pm

Hi,

I'm new to the boards too. My name is Laura and I'm 27 and single. A bunch of my friends are married and now having kids which means lots of showers. I don't like them either not because I'm not happy for my friends but it's something that you also want but can't control. I want to walk around the store with the the zapper tool and pick stuff out.

Think of it this way, at least when you buy something now it is really all about your style and taste, when you register you have to consider someone elses'. We will have our turn, I promise!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2006
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 6:06pm

LOL, yeah, I want to use the zapper tool! Exactly!!

Laura, I think you hit the nail on the head--it's something I want but have no control over. Well, maybe not NO control, but it's not totally within my power, either.

It really, really isn't about the stuff, much as I like to joke about it (and as much as I DEFINITELY plan on getting the expensive stuff, Dom! ;) I suppose it's really about a longing to experience these important passages of life, just as my friends are. It's hard to keep celebrating my same friends over with the wedding events and the babies when I feel like I haven't gotten any of that yet. My turn, I'd like to yell, can it be my turn now?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-06-2006 - 7:14pm

Next time you have an important life event (you buy a house, get a promotion, get a new pet, etc), have a "Yea, Me!" dinner party. I don't recommend registering, ;), but it's a nice way to say "Hey, my stuff's important, too, and I want to celebrate."

I feel the same way as you about showers - but single people are still living their lives and accomplishing things, even if it's not tradition to celebrate them all. Let's change tradition, darn it!

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 9:00am
My mom - who is one of the greatest moms ever - has told me that, if I am still single when I hit 40 - she is throwing me a turning 40 shower. She knows that I have spent over ten grand on weddings and gotten nothing but a bunch of ugly dresses in return. Heck, I paid for my sister's shower which was over a grand alone. She agrees that I should also get some great stuff and I never threw myself a house warming party when I moved in. I throw myself a big birthday party every few years (this year is one of them) but I make it a charity party, telling everyone to not bring me a gift but to bring a minimum $10 donation per person for whatever charity I choose. So she figures that by then it will be my turn.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 10:59am

I agree! What a great idea.

Why do single people have to eat off cruddy dishes and not have amazing bedding and fluffy matching towels? 40 seems like a great time to get those indulgences in one fell swoop. :)

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 2:51pm
I think that's a fantastic idea! In fact, I bought the nice dishes and fluffy towels and soft sheets last year and I haven't regretted it one bit. For a while, I would tell myself that I would just wait and maybe register someday. Pfffft, now that I have the nice stuff, I don't see any point in waiting. Pottery Barn comes out with new stuff all the time, there will always be plenty to register for. Obviously, finances can be an issue but let me tell you, if you have to save up and buy 500TC sheets, you will NOT regret it. :-)
Plus, Overstock.com and SmartBargains.com are the girl-on-a-budget's ticket to the world. Hehe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Tue, 03-07-2006 - 3:36pm
Ooh, yeah. Buy the good sheets now - I agree. Totally worth it.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 03-08-2006 - 9:47am
I LOVE Overstock.com so much! I got my 650tc egyptian cotton sheets there for some ridiculously low price (I think they were $80 for an entire set). I also bought my living room rug and coffee table there when they had a $1 shipping offer. The rug colors matched the ones on the website perfectly and the leather-topped mahogany coffee table is great. All for $245 and the $1 shipping was Fedex so I had my pieces in about 4 days. It was great. I wrote them a glowing review on epinions.com and they obviously monitor that stuff because they sent me an email thanking me. NOw THAT is service.

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