I want to start over

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
I want to start over
44
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 5:04pm

Because I think I've gotten too far ahead of myself. I just want to know, what can I do to start talking to a girl I don't know? Because that's where I'm stuck at right now. I can't start a conversation because of a lack of confidence, a lack of any idea of what to say and so forth.

Some of you have suggested that I become friends with a girl so she could hook me up with her friends, but NONE of my former female friends ever even tried to hook me up. And I honestly don't think I have the energy and patience for being "just friends" with a girl again. All my female "friendships" were the most draining and unsatisfying relationships I've ever had.

So please, just tell me, what can I do or say to start a conversation with a girl I don't know but who I happen to think is pretty and is sitting a few seats away from me in class, pushing a shopping cart in a isle at the super market, walking past me in the opposite direction with a group of friends on campus or at the mall? Not hook up, not date, just start talking to?

Better yet, tell me some stories about guys who came up and approached you out of the blue and you felt interest attraction for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 5:59pm
I'm useless at making friends and networking, but those women who have thought of me as a friend have tended to be those who share interests with me. Perhaps you are looking for friendship in the wrong places?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 6:07pm

>>>I'm useless at making friends and networking, but those women who have thought of me as a friend have tended to be those who share interests with me. Perhaps you are looking for friendship in the wrong places?<<<

Perhaps I didn't word myself properly.

I have absolutely NO desire to be friends with girls. Infact, it wouldn't bother if I never made another friend for the rest of my life. I would much rather have sexual partners instead of friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 8:21pm
Hmmm, you have a certain audacity asking for advice in how to achieve this on a predominantly female site.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 10:19pm

>Hmmm, you have a certain audacity asking for advice in how to achieve this on a predominantly female site.<

LOL!! And that would be the polite way of putting it.

Those aren't the words I would have used.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 1:03am

This may not sound too helpful, but the girl you want to talk to is just a girl...

You probably feel butterflies every time you see her. Talking to her might seem impossibly difficult. Don't let it be. Don't think about the butterflies in your stomach. If you're noticing her this way chances are someone else is too. Better that you talk to her than someone else does.

If you're afraid of being let down... guess what??? There's a good chance you could be. If you don't even try then you let yourself down. Better to try and get a rejection than not try at all.

Here's why I said she's just a girl... bear with me for a short story:

About 13 years ago I was working in a clothing store when this attractive woman came in. I was the only staff in the store when she came in so naturally I helped her. The woman was very complimentary and seemed to leave happy with what she got. Just before she left the assistant manager of the store arrived back from lunch. While I helped the woman find what she needed, he actually rang her through. After she left the assistant manager asked me "do you know who that was?" I really didn't have a clue other than the fact she was an attractive woman. He went to the back and brought out a music CD that had her face plastered on the front.

It doesn't matter who the celebrity was. When I didn't know she was a celebrity I talked normally to her, even mildly flirted with her (one of the perks of working in a jean store). My point is not to put her on a pedestal.

If you do get your heart broken, there is love beyond. But you have to start sometime.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:28am

nope, you are so immature - you just have to give it time and grow up.

And, believe it or not, there are men who do talk about more than sex. Sometimes men talk about the stock market, local crime, travel, job security/salary, family issues, gardening techniques, home repair projects and they share their tips with each other. They even talk about things like cars, not just the way they look or drive, but their safety and function features. These are all subjects you can talk to women about. So, talk to women without focusing so much on your libido. Talk to them like you do when you approach customers at work. Depending on the circumstances, you can comment on the book she is checking out at the bookstore, ie, "have you read anything else by that author?" or something like that. Go do different things where you can meet women, book signings, art workshops, museums, special openings, etc. Don't focus on your libido, but on the subject at hand, and then you can actually talk to a woman about the subject.

I realize some of these subjects may be of less interest to you, but again, in time, you will be able to converse on some of these topics.

be patient, with time, things will change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:15pm

<<>>

You want to exchange money for sex...which is why I don't get why you won't just hire a pro. It's ok for a girl to prostitute herself to you so long as she's not a "declared" prostitute. What's with that?

And no, you don't "deserve" anything in return for spending time, energy or money on a woman.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2005
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 3:48pm

Dating is an art, not a science. Be yourself and someone will love you for it -- believe it or not. In fact, there's probably someone interested in you today but just like you they are sitting there too shy to take a step forward and introduce themselves. Why don't you try to take that step instead? :)

I wish you the best!

Caterina is a published author and founder of stillagirl.com - a positive place for women and girls. For free dating tips go to: http://www.seduction-hypnosis.com
Caterina is a published author and founder of stillagirl.com - a positive place for women and girls. For free dating tips go to: http://www.seduction-hypnosis.com
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 10:05pm

I think that your problem is that you are currently viewing "girls" as fundamentally different from men. You write that you don't want "friendships" with them, but only sex. So you seem to be looking for girls who also want just only sex. For that, you indeed need to have something special, to look very good so that they would be motivated to go with you even if it is just sex. And if you are not, tough luck. The other option would be starting to look at them as fellow human beings, relating to them as if they were not so "very" different from men.

ETA: Heh, I see about everybody else in this thread already gave you the same advice. So please go ahead, take it, for your own sake. If you are currently not interested in "girls' personalities" and are therefore not able to have human relationships with them, you have to cough up some hard cash and use paid escort services. Regular girls won't go with you just because you bought them some hamburgers. That's not really how it works.




Edited 4/10/2007 10:23 pm ET by medea09
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:37pm

>>>And, believe it or not, there are men who do talk about more than sex. Sometimes men talk about the stock market, local crime, travel, job security/salary, family issues, gardening techniques, home repair projects and they share their tips with each other. They even talk about things like cars, not just the way they look or drive, but their safety and function features. These are all subjects you can talk to women about.<<<

These are things you can talk to WOMEN about, yes. But like I said, I'm not trying to talk to WOMEN. I'm trying to talk to GIRLS; stupid, ditsy, immature girls who wear pants that say "juicy" across the back and who like to drink and smoke pot on Friday nights. I've tried talking normally about things like this to GIRLS, but they never seem interested, which is why I've asked what can I do to be more charming and witty.