Ideas on why some of us are single

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Ideas on why some of us are single
21
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 5:55am
This idea may be far fetched but I think there is some great truth to this. I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching lately and I'm beginning to realize that I'm enjoying taking care of myself for once instead of having to worry about taking care of a boyfriend who has issues and putting everyone else above me and myself last. I think just recently I've put myself first and I feel great about doing that and I'm enjoying being single and "selfish" in a good way. I think that some of us are still single because we still have some unfinished business in our lives and it's not our time yet and we aren't setting out the energy that we are really available and really want a relationship. I guess what I'm realizing recently is that I'm not available for a relationship quite yet because I want to take care of me for a little bit longer and have fun and do the things I love to do. I don't really have the time or energy at this point in time for one. I keep trying to fight it because I want to have children and I'm looking at the whole biological clock thing but not really listening to myself and my inner wants. Since we were talking about luck having a lot to do with finding the right one I also was thinking timing and our "readiness" has a great deal to do with it too. I think we also need to ask ourselves if we have some unfinished business to take care of before we get into a relationship and what that is and maybe just maybe once we take care of the things we need to then that right person will come our way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 8:52am

Although I am pursuing some personal interests right now, I can honestly say that I am completely open, available and ready for a serious relationship. I have never been in a dating situation that has interferred with what I need to do so if the right man came along, I know that I could easily multi-task and include him in my life without missing a beat. I honestly want this more than anything right now and the only thing that has kept me single is that the right man just hasn't come along yet.

That, I have no control over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 10:21am

I do think that's true for some people but not all.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 11:17am

I think that you're just making yourself a priority instead of a relationship, and that's fine.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 2:37pm
What I meant by my post that the reason why SOME people are single or should be single is because they have unfinished business and it's not their time but it definately doesn't apply to all, that's for sure. In my case I believe i have some loose ends to tie up and more growing to do, but I'm actually probably more ready than I have been in my past for a relationship because I'm more healthy and like Stacey said I dont' really feel as if I have much time in my life right now for a relationship but if the right one were to come along I wouldn't push him away by any means. I think in a few more months (approximate time) I"ll be for sure having pretty much everything going for me and definately ready for one. I do have a lot going for me now though. It is unfortunate when the people who have their stuff together can't seem to find the one and then others who don't, get into relationships when they shouldn't be in one because of them not even knowing themselves yet. I guess sometimes it makes it easier for me to focus on other things and be happy and grateful for those other things because I don't have that good relationship right now and we are always a work in progress and there always is unfinished business no matter who we are. There is never really a guarantee that I'll find the one so I'm just going to better myself in other ways for now. But I do think there is a good chance. I guess this "unfinished business stuff" is just me coming to terms with where my life is at at this very moment and accepting the fact and being ok that I haven't found the one yet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 2:55pm

Biochic, I think that is a great observation and shows some great understanding of yourself. Although this isn't true of everyone, I do think sometimes we say we want something, but there is an underlying energy we're putting out that says "I don't want that." Which is fine, but if you really don't want

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 3:12pm
I used to think that having a relationship was all that I really wanted most but now (very recently) I'm starting to think that what I really wanted most in my life is happiness and no more inner turmoil and a relationship doesn't guarantee that. The right relationship can ADD to that but the wrong one can take away from it. I dont' think I've ever been so happy in my life as I am now. Even though I have recently had my frustrations with dating etc etc I feel as if I'm just about where I need to be and I'm confident and that's what I want first and foremost now is that solid base so that no matter what happens in my life I can be ok with that and still be happy. I would love to meet the right one and have that person add to my happiness but right now I dont' have that and it's ok with me. God, I hope this lasts not sure what kind of drug I took lol......... I can't say this enough, we all have to be ok with ourselves first and happy inside without someone for us to be truley happy WITH someone because a relationship shouldn't make or break us. I truley believe that now. This statement used to go through one ear and out the other and I would think that the people telling me this didn't know what I was feeling and just wanted to make me feel better and I would get angry with them, but now its finally starting to sink in :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 4:00pm

I believe all of those same things too and I am truely happy with myself by myself, but I'm at a stage in my life where I'm ready for a serious relationship. I'm ready to share my life with someone and stop living it alone. I want to share my happiness and success with someone.

I think it is a wonderful concept to be happy with yourself first. But then what? It does not keep me from striving for what could be so much more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 4:15pm
I completely agree and you should never stop striving for that and what you really want but I think taking that pressure off helps. I'm not saying that you should never stop trying because I havent' stopped trying and I'm open to meeting someone really good for me. I will continue to try through the frustrations but what seems to work for me and makes me feel better about trucking on is not allowing myself to feel that pressure, just allowing myself to live day to day and in the moment and not planning for what could or could not happen. I still pray, hope and try but I know that there is really no way right now that I can snap my fingers and have the right one show up at my doorstep so I'm going to stop feeling so miserable all the time about not having that person in my life. I'm still dating some here and there but I look at those dates as just "meetings" and figuring out who these people are and if they fit into my life. I'm looking forward to being in love again, I really am but until that happens I want to be happy regardless. KWIM
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 4:24pm
Another thing.........One thing that I"m blessed with that has helped me a great deal with being single is the group of wonderful friends that I have. I feel as if I have people to share my successes and turmoil with becuase they are open to hearing them and I am open to sharing. My best friend told me that she thought that she needed a man to be that constant in her life but when she found me she realized that it didn't have to be a man. Granted, she's just found a new guy so I'm still hoping that we can keep just as close of a friendship but she's been a blessing in my life. I don't feel like i need a man to share my successes with when I have family and friends. Do you have some good girlfriends with whom you can connect with so when you are feeling alone and want to talk or vent they will listen and be there for you. i think that's very important to have even when we are in a relationship so we dont' just rely on that one person to be everything for us.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Sat, 06-10-2006 - 6:40pm
cl214, I'm pretty much in the same place. I hate these weekends trying to find someone to hang out with, or do something with. I have too much time by myself and I wish I had a lady to make plans with. I have a crush on a young lady, but I'm too afraid to tell her. I keep saying to myself what is she has a boyfriend, etc. Anyways, I can remember being at that place where I wanted to do whatever I wanted, but that time has changed and I would like to find someone that I can share a future with.

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