Ideas on why some of us are single

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Ideas on why some of us are single
21
Fri, 06-09-2006 - 5:55am
This idea may be far fetched but I think there is some great truth to this. I've been doing a lot of thinking and soul-searching lately and I'm beginning to realize that I'm enjoying taking care of myself for once instead of having to worry about taking care of a boyfriend who has issues and putting everyone else above me and myself last. I think just recently I've put myself first and I feel great about doing that and I'm enjoying being single and "selfish" in a good way. I think that some of us are still single because we still have some unfinished business in our lives and it's not our time yet and we aren't setting out the energy that we are really available and really want a relationship. I guess what I'm realizing recently is that I'm not available for a relationship quite yet because I want to take care of me for a little bit longer and have fun and do the things I love to do. I don't really have the time or energy at this point in time for one. I keep trying to fight it because I want to have children and I'm looking at the whole biological clock thing but not really listening to myself and my inner wants. Since we were talking about luck having a lot to do with finding the right one I also was thinking timing and our "readiness" has a great deal to do with it too. I think we also need to ask ourselves if we have some unfinished business to take care of before we get into a relationship and what that is and maybe just maybe once we take care of the things we need to then that right person will come our way.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 3:53pm
Hey twoscoops76. I say go for it and tell this lady you have a crush on her. You have nothing to lose really. How well do you know her and where do you see her? Sometimes we women get really flattered and happy when a man shows interest in us and is not afraid to tell us. You don't know if she will reciprocate your interest unless you go for it. Ask her out for coffee or dessert sometime.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 5:57pm

I think people are single because they want to...anyone can find anybody to date, but who wants to date just anyone? I recently became single a few months back after a 3 yr relationship; I wanted to be single because I was tired. Tired of not being the priority; don't get me wrong, my ex wanted to get married, but I think a lot of people settle now-a-days and eventually divorce. It's exciting to be single, but it's scary not knowing about the future. If you'll get married, if you'll have children...we can have it all, but finding that "guy" isn't easy. I don't look for the "wrong" type of guy, but that's what I find. I dated lawyers, teachers, blue-collar men (in which I ended the relationships)....at first, I thought it was me, but turns out it's actually them! I learned that you need to study a guy when you date them in the first few weeks. Check out signs and if you have a feeling he's not the one, end it. The things I've learned is never date a guy who doesn't give you their home number, never had a serious relationship before you (unless you want to stick it out and go through the ups and downs; they sometimes tend to be selfish), has issues "commiting", very flirty, doesn't call often (every other day is good), goes out every weekend and drinks a lot... and last but not least, if you think he may be gay...good chances he is!!

It's exciting to be single and they'll be times when you're lonely...but remember, when you do find that someone, there will be this small part of you that misses being single...so enjoy it while ya can! 'Cause when it happens, it'll be when you least expect it! Good luck, everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 7:12pm
I think for me lately a huge issue with dating is finding the guy I'm on a date with attractive. I haven't been attracted really to many of them. I don't know why I've felt this way and I'm starting to think "man maybe I must be shallow" but I dont' think that's what it is. I always try to give the nice men who seem like they have their stuff together a shot but for some reason the men I've been on dates with lately I just havent' felt any attraction towards although they all have been really nice/great guys overall. I guess that's just me and I have to take it with a grain of salt. I'm not going to be attracted to every guy I date and sometimes it just seems like a rarity for me. In the last year of the men who appeared to be interested in me who I've been on dates with only 3 out of the 9 men I've had some sort of attraction or chemistry for. I guess that's kind of the norm but I'm not sure...........
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2006
Sun, 06-11-2006 - 8:35pm
Thanks for your response. I really do appreciate it, and I'll have to do this the next time I see her. It's just hard to get her alone, she's in the back, brings out cd's, movies, stocking shelves, etc. I wanted to sad bad Saturday but she was in the back most of the time, then I went to check out and then she came out and was on the opposite part of the store. Yeah I can choose to be single, but I truly wish I had someone to love on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 11:53am
I honestly think one of the biggest reasons why I am single in because I live in an area and belong to a demographic group where committed relationships are unpopular and uncommon. Most of my peers are just 'hooking up' and having casual sexual relationships instead and pretty happy with that. It makes it really hard for someone like me to meet someone willing to be monogamous when so many people have so many other interesting options.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 12:26pm
I would die to be attracted to 3 out of 9 men I date. I've literally dated 35-40 guys in the last 4 years and i have been attracted (emotionally and physically) to only one of them!!!! At first I wondered if I was some kind of freak, but I think as we get older we know more exactly what is a good match for us and are less likely to be simply looking for an ego boost that comes with dating--admit it, its flattering to have someone like you, and when you're young, that "excitement" can fool you into thinking you're attracted to someone for a while--then after that wears off, you realize he's not right and a nasty break up ensues. As we get older, however, we become more sure of what we really want, but we also find we are really attracted to less people--since we're looking for the REAL DEAL and not just a "Mr. Right Now."
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 12:50pm

Interesting. I'm actually attracted to a wider range of men now than I was when I was younger (when I pretty much was only interested in blonde, blue-eyed men with sharp features).

Of course, there are certainly men I'm *more* attracted to than others, but I find a pretty wide range of men attractive enough to date. Attraction isn't really the issue for me in dating...it's finding someone with whom I'm compatible that's much harder.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 1:09pm

I'm kinda like you, Sheri, and kinda like riskit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 3:28pm
Well when I said "attaction" although I was talking about physically, I have found whether I am physically attracted to a person is basically determined by their personality. If after a few hours, I don't like someone's personality, no matter how physically attracted I had found them at first glance, that fades and I do not seem them as attractive any longer (doesn't mean I think they are ugly, just that I personally have no desire to be close with them physically). For instance, I used to think Tom Cruise was HOT HOT HOT, but after hearing and seeing the way he conducts his life in recent years, I can barely stand to watch him on a TV or movie screen. It also works the other way though--in the past, someone I may never have glanced at twice became the MOST attractive person in the world to me when I got to know his personality. Unfortunately, like you have both said, finding those men who we are attracted to as a personality (and thus also physically) seems few and far between--so 3 out of 9 ain't bad at all Biochic!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Mon, 06-12-2006 - 4:05pm

So true, riskitgirl. I think we are attracted to the person as a whole -- or not. And I agree on Tom Cruise, LOL. He's become downright scary ... and a lot less attractive, IMO.