If you knew then what you know now

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
If you knew then what you know now
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 1:58pm

Oh, wouldn't we all like to go back and advise our younger selves in regard to romantic relationships? (Well, maybe some of you got it right from an early age). I think for me, I'd tell myself to think more about what I needed from a relationship (instead of what HE needed) and to know that I should be cherished and treated well.

How about you?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 12-24-2013 - 11:19am

I don't know if I would change anything, not where it pertains to men.  I may have given a couple of the nicer guys a fair shot.  I was a little princess brat in my early 20's.  I guess I wish I had been mature enough to see the value in some of them.  It's so funny how you kind of set yourself up for how your life is going be . . .  I always said I would never get married.  Looking back, I couldn't appreciate what good husbands some of those guys would have made because I never thought about marriage.  I have to say though, I don't know if I'd have been happier as a result.  As I sit now pondering what could have been - I probably would be doing the same thing had I settled down ;)  What if?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 12-15-2013 - 1:17am

I wish I radiated more positive energy in my teens and twenties. I was too negative when I was younger,  a big turn off for the female sex. As a result, I only had my first serious relationship at age 28.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001
Sat, 12-14-2013 - 5:19pm

Yes, Yes, Yes!! 

  • Once a cheater/liar, always a cheater & a liar. 
  • Don't rush into a committed relationship after a few dates
  • Don't always be the one who makes all the compromises
  • Does this other person have anything to offer in the relationship other than sex
  • And most of all, Don't waste years in a relationship that isn't working; better to be alone than to be with the wrong person. Being literally alone is not as bad as being with someone and still feeling alone.
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 12-14-2013 - 12:01pm
I would tell myself it's okay to stand up for myself, even if it made him mad. I've always been someone to try to keep the guy I'm dating happy, even if it means doing something I don't want or keeping my mouth shut when I should speak up. I hate fighting, so I'd do whatever it took to avoid a fight. I always got dumped anyway, and I was unhappy. I'm trying to speak up more this time and have successfully gotten through a mini-fight without getting dumped, which is what I was always afraid of before.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 11:54pm

well I probably would have picked better parents and ones who were more loving and caring and whom had a better marriage. My dad was abusive and my mom was loyal and faithful to him and they were terrible role models.. Now I am not blaming them but me my sis and brother were pretty messed up as kids and so we all fell into the picking bad relationships theme.. Me, my brother and sister are all divorced now.. Sis divorced once . Brother divorced once and me divorced twice.. That must speak volumes..

So yes probably would have liked to pick better parents as it starts there and then the relationships are formed good or bad based on what you know as a child... Too bad I kept picking wrong and didnt totally heal until in my fifties when I met hubby number 2 who was really bad news..  I wish I had a mentor who would have taught me what a real loving caring relationship was supposed to be.

I also would have liked to have less of an ego because then I would have been more of a vibrational match to someone really good......

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 6:58pm

I wish I knew what I had wanted to be after high school then I wouldn't be still trying to get in to that career now...I also would not have been in a relationship with someone  who I knew was bi-polar..never again..and also to actually not be afraid to stand up more for myself..

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 6:49pm
I dated a guy who was a wonderful dancer for a long time...if I had known I would never date a dancer again, I would have arranged to meet him once a year to go dancing. I wish I had let more of the small stuff go....and kept a few more opinions to myself. And not thought that everything mattered so much.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 4:52pm

I think it would be nice to know (like when I was in high school) that eventually someone would want to be with me.  I'm sure I drove my parents crazy with my laments of "No one will ask me to the prom."--it happend.  Then in college I was mostly single but eventually I did get a boy friend, then I did get married, so I spent a lot of time on useless worrying.

I do understand what you are saying.  I think we spend so much time thinking "how can I get him to like me?" and not enough time thinking about "is he good enough for me.?"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2012
Fri, 12-13-2013 - 2:46pm

I would have done a lot more adventuring and exploring before I got into a LTR.  5 - 10 more years.  Youth and hormones make a lot of people make bad decisions.  You can also add some level of insecurity into the recipe too. When I got married, I had NO IDEA who I was.