I'm DONE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2007
I'm DONE!
18
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 11:10pm

I'm done with it all!

I'm tired of "love" "lust" and all those other crap ideas.

I never want to fall in love again, I don't want to even like someone. I've tried casual sex but it leaves me feeling more empty than before, so I'm not going to engage in it any more.

What do we need men for? Sure, life is lonely, but they make more problems than what they are worth.

So, that's it. I'm a cynical 23 year old and I don't want to ever care for another man again.

No question, sorry, just needed to get that off my chest. You know, loniness... you can't vent to anyone else.

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 11:17pm
We've been there honey. I've been on a dating hiatus for over three years and honestly, I haven't missed it yet!! Yeah, I've missed having male company now and agin but not dating!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 11:32pm

I hear you. I havent' been on a date since last summer and I'm sort of starting to get a desire back but struggling to really take steps to try and make it happen. I feel like I want someone but don't want to go through all the initial stages.

The hardest thing for me lately is seeing all my friends getting married. (I'm 23 as well). They all seem to be off and moving on in their lives and here's me, hardly the desire to date. It can get frustrating.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 11:45pm

I am kind of over that now. Most of my friends are already married (I'm 34) and are working on having their second or third child.

However, when I was 23, I found my independence and attitude empowering. The more proud I was of myself for the fact that I just didn't give a flying fudge, the more my friends came out and admitted that they secretly envied me for my "I don't care" attitude towards men.

It doesn't work for everybody but so far, the single life has treated me well!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 12:37am

I guess that's my big thing, for the most part I don't care and am happy to be single. I can do what I want as I please, I don't need to worry about empressing anyone and I can focus on the things in my life that make me happy.

Yet stil there is a part of me that does want some companionship, I just want independance at the same time. It's like a constant battle I go through. I'll feel lonely, go on a dating site and arrange to meet someone and then as soon as we've met, regardless of how it goes it seems I get this sudden feeling of claustrophobia and just want to 'run'.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 12:50am
I understand. If couple-dom is what you seek then sobeit. Don't be ashamed of it. A lot of women on this board feel this way. They WANT a partner. However, if you feel you want to run after just one date, you may want to ask yourself why. Is it anxiety, insecurity, there must be a logical explanation. If you want a mate bad enough, you'll think through the reasons why you keep getting this anxiety and work it out, find yourself, love yourself and the rest will all fall into place(with minimal effort).
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 1:18am
I too am sick and tired of "love" but I can't grasp your aversion to casual sex. Why on earth would it make you feel MORE empty? To me, it would be so much more liberating and fulfilling to engage in sex without having to put up with the drama and hardships of a relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 8:38am

You have never had casual sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 11:51am

That's a good point.

I think with the anxiety, after meeting a guy and seeing that there is potential interest there, I just get so afraid that after he gets to know me a little more, he'll find out things about me he doesn't like or something. I have this insane fear of rejection, not sure why and I'm a very big people pleaser so maybe that has something to do with it. It's subconsciously easier to run than risk getting rejected. If that makes sense. Couple that with the fact that I do like to spend a lot of time doing my own things, I always feel like the guy is too needy if he wants to see me every day.

On the post about casual sex, I've done this before and at first I thought it was great, no strings, no neediness, everything was perfect. After a while though it gets old and you realize that having someone who only wants you physically isn't quite as nice as you originally thought. At least that's what I've found. Plus it doesn't bode so well for your self-confidence - this could be another reason why I 'run'. I've had a lot of guys who were only interested in me for sex so maybe I've connected that to that no man would ever want me for more, hence then need to escape going any further with him.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 1:20pm

Oh, I have my issues with all of this, too. I grew up with an unattentive father. He loved me he just didn't show it very often. I happen to think that this formed my opinion, very early on, about what a real man is like or should be. Like you, if I start seeing someone who is a little to clingy, I bolt. Can't stand it. However, I usually run becuase it plain ole get's on my nerves. Ha!

So true what you wrote about casual sex!! It's liberating at first and then one just starts feeling like a piece of meat. Who wants that? Well, I know who but . . . besides you Redonc! We know. Hee, hee. Love ya man. Mean it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Wed, 04-18-2007 - 5:18pm
Oh, I know exactly how you feel! I love being independent, yet I do sometimes crave some companionship. But I always run away from whatever presents itself to me and now it feels so natural to run, like it's a part of who I am. I feel like I want to "have my cake and eat it too", meaning I want to have love, but to be completely free at the same time...it seems impossible. For now, I'm on a complete hiatus from men/dating (I'm putting a limit of AT LEAST two years on it).

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