I'm new and i need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
I'm new and i need help!
14
Sat, 07-26-2003 - 11:41pm
Hello everyone. I'm currently talking to this guy that i've met as a kid - 20 years ago. We haven't seen each other in 8 years because he moved away to another state. I just recently got ahold of him and we're talking. Its been 4 months and 2 phone calls. I REALLY like him but I dont know how to say it to him. I haven't done this before and I have a big fear of rejection. This guy is very nice, talks to me when I call (he hasn't called me yet, and its understandable - he's really busy with his job - he does want to get back to me when he can, but it takes patience), emails when he has the time and just 2 weeks ago, we've planned to go out for coffee when he comes to visit my state. Just dont know WHEN yet. We've already tried twice before about getting together, but didn't work out.

So here's my question - should I wait and see him first or email/call about my feelings? I'm just so scared of what he's going to say. There are some possiblities that he's interested as well, but it can be hard.

If anyone can help, it would be appreciated. Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 12:16am
Short answer - don't talk about your feelings before you see him.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 12:20am
if i do tell him, that then that'll make everything worse?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 12:29am
Well, you don't know how he feels and if he is not as interested as you are - or he's not sure, or has never really thought about it - then you might scare him away completely. I think that most of the time it's easy to sense if there mutual attraction/chemistry between two people when they spend time together (in person - not on the phone or email). When you see each other face-to-face hopefully it will be easier for you to guage his level of interest and then you can decide whether to share your feelings or just leave things as they are and remain friends.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 12:34am
thank you for that. im going to get rid of what i'm feeling right now cuz its really driving me crazy lol

what are the signs that he's interested, when we're talkin thru email and phone???

thank you!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 11:25am
I agree that you shouldn't say anything to him before you see him. You could meet and have no chemistry at all. You should wait until you find that out.

Honestly, there really isn't a way to tell if he's interested on the phone or through emails. Body language tells a lot, and you can't see that on the phone. Just meet up with him and see where it goes.

Another question, though. If he's always working and lives in another state, how do you expect to "date" him at all?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Sun, 07-27-2003 - 3:58pm
i'm not planning on living here for the rest of my life. he knows i want to get out of here. i just dont have the right job that'll afford me to move. we already get along great in person so we're trying to find the right time to meet up again. we haven't hung out as 'adults' yet (i was 15 and he was 19 when we saw each other last) so i'm anxious to see how that goes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 1:44pm
One more time: if a man is interested, he'll call; if he's not, he won't.

That's the only rule of thumb you need to know about men and their interest in you. Generally, men are NOT shy; only lack of interest prevents them from lifting the receiver or pressing the "send" button. And if a man calls/emails you sporadically, so that you "sorta" think he likes you, he "sorta" does--but not ENOUGH to make a concerted effort to let you know. I've always felt if a man "sorta" likes me, I'll "sorta" get back to him when he decides to call me more regularly--while I'm out scouting for another man who could REALLY like me. In which case, why waste my time w/the first one?

This rationale is straight out of "The Rules," and however way you feel about that book, it's dead-on about the "I'll call you" business. Let him be the one to make the next move--and if he doesn't, what have you lost? Why do you want a man who doesn't want you?

Ash

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 2:21pm
When a guy is truly interested he makes the time to keep in touch and will make sure he asks you out for a proper date - there is no such thing as too busy to make a quck phone call- if he had a chance to land some important business for example you can bet he would make the time to follow up. I would stop chasing him and leave the ball in his court.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 12:11am
he does make time to get back to me and he doesn't HAVE to get back to me but he did. it just takes patience - i dont want to get too detailed about his job - for now we're just long time friends. that's the end of it.

i dont know why i even bother posting on here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 7:14am
Neither do I - if you don't want advice and you're going to backpedal from what you said, why solicit advice? Just continue to rationalize - which feels safer to you - although likely won't make you happy in the long run.

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