I'm pretty messed up!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
I'm pretty messed up!
4
Wed, 03-01-2006 - 11:57pm
Well i had been seeing my guy for 10 months and things were going good. We weer getting into that stage where we were very comfortable in being with each other and then one day i was stressed out and sort of got mad at him on the phone for some reason. This was the day before my RCMP exam. So i mentioned to him that we needed to talk-he agreed so i went over to his place. And i could tell from the look on his face that he wasnt happy. SO i asked him if he was thinking of breaking up with me, he said yes. I asked him what the reason was, but he had none. I was devastated. I loved this guy and one drunken night he told me i was the best thing to ever happen to him (he doesnt open up and talk unless there is alcohol around liek most of my friends). So i cried all the way home. I saw him at the bar that night and he acted like nothing had happened. I just ignored him. The next day we hung out, he made me supper, we watched a movie. That was nice. Thing is- he still wants to remain single and he's informed me its not because he wants to be with someone else. However we talk on the phone atleast 2 time a day, we see each other alot during the week cause i go over to watch movies with him. It's pretty crazy, and yes we've even fooled around, the last time being Thursday. I have no clue whats going on and he wont tell me anything. I never ask him about a relationship because im scared of what he'll say, but it really does feel like we're going out again. Am i just being naive?? I thought older men knew what they wanted. He's 30 and i'm 23. Any insight on this would be appreciated!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:49am

If he's broken up with you, then you need to cut off contact.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 9:00am

My most recent ex and I had a very similar situation. We had dated for 2 years and then I noticed that our relationship had become more of a friendship so I forced him to talk about it with me, took a lot of teeth pulling b/c neither of us are very open. Anyway we decided that relationship thing wasn't working - or at least he finally told me that he didn't think either of us was in love and that there wasn't any passion (news to me!). So we decided to be friends, then everytime I saw him he acted like nothing was different between us and we did fool around once too. Then I got really upset b/c I couldn't figure out where our relationship was and told him that we had to put some rules down. If he wanted to just be friends then that's what we would do but there couldn't be physical stuff too unless we had a relationship. He's 32 and I'm 25 so older men don't always know what they want.

here's my tip for you after going through a similar time - give him some boundaries, don't talk to him as much for a while until you can handle just being friends, and don't let him hurt you again.

Now that we've given ourselves some time to adjust things have worked out better - although I do have a new problem to address in another post.

Good Luck - Hope I helped some and didn't just vent my past.

Trina

-*~*- Trina -*~*-

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 9:02am
Unfortunately, it looks like he just doesn't want a relationship with you. If he did, he A) would not have broken up with you and B) would not still be seeing you and fooling around with you. These are not signs of a man who cares. I know it's tough but I'd recommend taking some time on your own. That's the only way to get some perspective on the relationship and see it for what it really is.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 11:07am
I agree with you on the maturity factor. The last guy I dated was 30 and he acted like he was 13. 30 going on 13... Maturity has more to do with the person's character than the age.