I'm a schemer

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
I'm a schemer
37
Fri, 03-30-2012 - 11:16pm
Okay, maybe that's not the best word for it, but it's the first one that comes to mind.

I don't like playing games to get a guy, but I do like the dance. You know, the look from across the room. The glance as you pass each other. The teasing when you first talk to each other. The wondering if you're interested, if he's interested, and if he's going to ask for your number. The dance to that first date, kiss, touch.

What I suck at are the chance one time encounters that don't allow for the dance. Because during the dance, you get to think about your decisions longer. Plan what you're doing next. Sometimes the dance can take weeks or months. I'm so not good when all I have is thirty seconds to react!

Examples: Thursday night, I talked to two guys. The first one is a guy who has been coming to karaoke for months now. I've exchanged smiles with him, but never really talked to him until last Friday night. He's only 24, so I'm not looking for anything but a nice flirtation, and that's what I got. It took me several months to get there, though. The second guy was brief. Very, very brief. We crossed paths at the restrooms. My girlfriend talked to him (I assume about me...lovely) while I was in the bathroom. Later, as I was leaving, he asked me to dance. I told him sorry, I'm leaving now, smiled and left. He was cute, 39, and I assume single bc my girlfriend was apparently trying to hook us up while I was peeing (that's how I know his age). I had two seconds to make a decision about him. What I was going to say, how to react, etc. There was no dance! I actually think the guy is cute, and if allowed to go through my normal decision making process, I'd entertain the idea of flirting with him! I just need more time.

Two minutes later, I found myself wishing I'd told him to come back next week. Then I'd know if he really wanted that dance or not. But I didn't say that. Hopefully my girlfriend, who stayed behind for some reason clued him in since I'm apparently unable to say the right thing without weeks of thought.

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:10am

Well, look at it this way,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 12:09pm

I always hate when that happens.. You see someone and start talking and then they leave and you wonder if you missed an opportunity.

I read once that FranDrescher (yes her) has cards made up with her name and phone number on it.. Of course not her real home phone.She says if she bumps into a nice guy she just gives him her card. She said she met her last boyfriend (I thinkno longer together) at a concert.. she gave him her card and he called her. Of course she is the Nanny and famous so of course he called her. But you get the point.

Whenever I go into Trader Joe's or someplace where single men are I always smile and flirt but not really sure how to approach the whole thing.. I met a guy once in a grocery store and started talking to him. He was married so Strike 1 there. I saw a guy in line at another grocery store and we started talking and then he walked out the door but then he got into his car and when I walked out the door he starts waving from his car to me.. I was like wait please come back. He also looked about my age. I was going to drive around looking for his truck but It was dark.. Most men that grocery shop are married though and I live in a very highly populated married area..

Next week me and sis are going to a geek phone show where men hang out.. and then a car show where geeky men hang out. Hey you never know (lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 2:18pm
If your gal pal was chatting you up to Mr. 39 while you were in the restroom then it seems to me that she knows you well enough to know that you'd give him a shot and she's giving him the go ahead. So basically the ball was in his court to let you know he was interested by saying something like "oh I wish you were staying longer or will you be here next week?" I don't think you screwed up here. Either he wasn't interested or is just as shy as you are...and honestly two shy people rarely make a connection lol.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 4:08pm

LBW, how could you say he's not interested when he asked Shy to dance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 4:23pm

I think I understand what you mean.....the anticipation of

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 6:45pm

Guys have the same problem.

Goldfish

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 9:34pm
LBW, I don't think it showed that he was shy or disinterested, and it certainly doesn't mean my friend made a good judgement call on if I'd be interested in him or not. Our friends don't seem to be too good at that...at least mine aren't. She doesn't have the best social skills, either, so there's no telling what she said to him. She could have told him I was looking to get laid for all I know, thinking she was being funny. I HOPE she didn't say that, but there really is no telling.

To clear it up, there was probably 15-20 minutes between when I passed him heading out of the bathroom and making a comment to him about something and the time when he asked me to dance. Between then, I went back to my table, paid my tab, sang a song, sang another song w/my friend, talked to a guy friend of mine, then picked up my purse to leave. He took the first chance he got to ask, really, and the bar was supposed to be closing (it got overrun by drunk college girls that night- yuck- and they obviously didn't want to leave) and they'd cut the DJ and switched to house music. Plus, I really don't dance with boys. I just don't like it. I probably would have told him no regardless of the time, but probably would have tried to sucker him into singing instead if it had been earlier.

Who knows- maybe he will come back. It's a small enough place that I'll know if he does. I just know that I'm much better when I get that second chance!
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 10:56pm

I am so confused.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 10:58pm

Me too.. I am confused also but then again I am confused alot..

yes; carry on

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 03-31-2012 - 11:19pm
I don't know if I'm interested! That's the whole point of my post. I need TIME to decide these things. And I certainly would not have asked him to dance since I don't dance with guys at bars. And yes- the guy at the bathroom is the one who asked me to dance as I was leaving. The same guy who my friend talked to about me. I didn't crush his spirit. I just said, sorry, I'm leaving...it's late and I really need to get home and smiled. He saw my purse on my shoulder. He knew I was leaving when he asked.

The young guy was very much enjoying the attention he was getting, even though I'm pretty sure he had his hands full with a much younger, smaller girl just a few minutes before.

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