I'm so frustrated right now...
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| Mon, 01-01-2007 - 3:26pm |
...I could just scream. I just hate dating right now...I hate it!!!!
I posted this on the OLD board as well so sorry for the duplication if you read both boards.
First the good news--I have managed to not have any contact with the Musician/Athlete for 34 days now...I'm feeling much better now that he's out of my life. That wasn't going anywhere and the occasional fun wasn't worth the pain of knowing that was all he wanted from me, when I wanted more. So yea me for letting that go.
But now I'm frustrated about a guy I've been dating since late August--on and off. He's actually someone who ghosted on me 2 years ago as I think I posted before--but I responded to an ad he had on CL (I didn't know it was him) and he recognized me and apologized for ghosting. We didn't really start seeing each other more regularly until late October--since then we've gone out about every 2-3 weeks and always have a great time. He calls fairly regularly and makes dates with me on just about a weekly basis but then ends up rescheduling them so that it ends up being 2-3 weeks between dates (so his nickname with my friends is now "The Rescheduler", ha). His reasons have seemed legit but I've been feeling that he wasn't all that interested in me because of it. We went out on Fri the 22nd right before I left on my trip and had a lovely evening with lots of making out at the end (he's a great kisser). We exchanged emails while I was away and he even called me where I was staying last Wed night (I didn't have cell service so I gave him the number). But since I emailed him on Thursday saying thanks for calling and I'd be back in town on Sat afternoon...nothing. I'm now feeling like there must be someone else he's seeing who got the call for NYE--so I'm second string, second choice. Of course we are not exclusive so he's not doing anything wrong if he is dating someone else, but I just don't like feeling like I'm on the back burner. Even if there isn't anyone else, I just don't think it's right to feel someone up and then not at least CALL them for NY, ya know, LOL???
I'm just so tired of this. I came downstairs this morning to a text message saying happy new year but it was from the wrong guy (the guy I stopped dating a month or so ago because he wasn't being reliable about planning dates--we're now trying the friends thing). There are 2 guys I had first meets with before the holidays who have expressed interest in getting together again but I'm not as interested in them as I am in The Rescheduler. Oh, and the guy I've been emailing once a week or so since late September who was supposedly moving back here this weekend and who specifically asked me to keep some time open on the 30th to meet him has apparently ghosted--I emailed him yesterday to see what had happened, but nothing.
Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. One thing I wrote in my journal last night as a NY wish is that 2007 be the year that I stop caring about dating and being in a relationship. It would make my life so much easier if I could let go of that desire. I really do have a great life other than that--why do I want that so badly and why do I keep trying? I honestly feel right now like I want to lose my optimism that a good guy who's right for me really exists--I feel like it's only serving to keep me in pain.
Sheri

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You could keep an open door policy instead of actively looking. I met a nice guy today looking at cars. Of course, he WAS one of the salesmen, but still. You get my point. It seems like I constantly bump into guys who I could be interested in, but I've taken myself out of the game, temporarily.
I've tried the OLD thing myself and while I made a lot of friends in the process, I didn't have much luck in the romance department. The one guy I met who, I really dug, turned out to be a bit of a player. Two of my girlfriends have tried it too, to no avail. They each had several ghosts, as you called it. Although, I did have one friend who actually met her husband online.
Sorry that you are not having any luck with The Rescheduler. I always want the ones I can't have too! Do you think that you subconsciously go for the unattainable?
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it. Unfortunately, at my age (48), I don't meet potential dates in my day to day life--I work from home, and even when I do go out to meetings, appointments, etc., my industry is very female-dominated. And even though I do regularly go out to social things like baseball games and to hear live music, I rarely meet single guys in my age group doing these things. I'm definitely open to meeting guys out and about, it just doesn't happen. So OLD is pretty much the only game in town for me if I'm going to date.
Yes, I definitely have had issues with being attracted to unavailable men. I think I even posted on one of these boards a month or two ago that since I was starting to like this guy (the Rescheduler), it was a pretty sure bet he'd turn out to be emotionally unavailable. I was hoping it was just a joke this time but I guess not. But the good thing is, him behaving like he's not all that interested in me is making me less interested, not more, so that's progress ;-). I'm just disappointed--I liked him and he was a lot of fun, and I was just hoping things would go my way for once this time, ya know? But I'll get over it and by a few weeks from now he'll most likely just be a blip in my rearview mirror, LOL!
Sheri
I'm sorry that things aren't going quite right at the moment.
Thanks, Shy. Yep, being in a relationship definitely has its challenges as well but I'd happily take some of those challenges those right now. If I ever get into one, remind me I said that, ok, LOL??
Sheri
I'll remind you.
Northwestwanderer,
Why do you want it so badly? It doesn't seem to make you happy and it seems so forced. You seem to place this emphasis on finding a partner but good, quality men are really hard to find. Online dating is not as big in Australia as it is in America but I can't see how you would find the best quality men through online dating. When you date men that you know are not worthy of you and they don't treat you with the respect you deserve, it's such a slap in the face and I can see how it would be frustrating. It's a shame that you can't meet men in a more natural environment. I haven't dated for a long time and it can be very frustrating when you know that you have a lot to offer. However, that's half the problem, because when you do have a lot to offer, you need to find someone to match you and that's not an easy task. I've just given up on dating men in Australia altogether and I plan to move overseas later this year.
Feisty
Yeah, you could be right. I tend to give too many 2nd chances because I know I've made mistakes in my life and so I give people the grace I hope I'd be given, but it's not always deserved.
We'll see what the Rescheduler says if and when he calls. I don't think I really want to adjust my expectations of him downwards--they're already pretty low (a date every week or two--that's pretty much a minimum to me at this point). In the meantime, I will see what happens with these other guys. And I hope you meant "players" in the sports metaphore sense, not in the "playa" sense, LOL? I don't need any of those kind of players!
Sheri
Yeah, it's true...dating itself doesn't make me too happy, but the desired end result of a good relationship does. I know that being in a good relationship can add to my happiness because I've experienced it, and I want that again. So online dating is a necessary evil because as I said in another post, I just don't meet single guys in my age group when I'm out living my life (and believe me, I've tried just about every activity known to man in order to see if I could find an activity where I *could* meet them, LOL!).
Anyway, yes, I agree that it's harder to find a match when you're reasonably healthy and have a lot going for you. Finding the proverbial needle in a haystack isn't easy, that's for sure!
Where are you planning on moving? Hopefully the guys will be a better fit for you there!
Sheri
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