I'm so frustrated right now...

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
I'm so frustrated right now...
17
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 3:26pm

...I could just scream. I just hate dating right now...I hate it!!!!

I posted this on the OLD board as well so sorry for the duplication if you read both boards.

First the good news--I have managed to not have any contact with the Musician/Athlete for 34 days now...I'm feeling much better now that he's out of my life. That wasn't going anywhere and the occasional fun wasn't worth the pain of knowing that was all he wanted from me, when I wanted more. So yea me for letting that go.

But now I'm frustrated about a guy I've been dating since late August--on and off. He's actually someone who ghosted on me 2 years ago as I think I posted before--but I responded to an ad he had on CL (I didn't know it was him) and he recognized me and apologized for ghosting. We didn't really start seeing each other more regularly until late October--since then we've gone out about every 2-3 weeks and always have a great time. He calls fairly regularly and makes dates with me on just about a weekly basis but then ends up rescheduling them so that it ends up being 2-3 weeks between dates (so his nickname with my friends is now "The Rescheduler", ha). His reasons have seemed legit but I've been feeling that he wasn't all that interested in me because of it. We went out on Fri the 22nd right before I left on my trip and had a lovely evening with lots of making out at the end (he's a great kisser). We exchanged emails while I was away and he even called me where I was staying last Wed night (I didn't have cell service so I gave him the number). But since I emailed him on Thursday saying thanks for calling and I'd be back in town on Sat afternoon...nothing. I'm now feeling like there must be someone else he's seeing who got the call for NYE--so I'm second string, second choice. Of course we are not exclusive so he's not doing anything wrong if he is dating someone else, but I just don't like feeling like I'm on the back burner. Even if there isn't anyone else, I just don't think it's right to feel someone up and then not at least CALL them for NY, ya know, LOL???

I'm just so tired of this. I came downstairs this morning to a text message saying happy new year but it was from the wrong guy (the guy I stopped dating a month or so ago because he wasn't being reliable about planning dates--we're now trying the friends thing). There are 2 guys I had first meets with before the holidays who have expressed interest in getting together again but I'm not as interested in them as I am in The Rescheduler. Oh, and the guy I've been emailing once a week or so since late September who was supposedly moving back here this weekend and who specifically asked me to keep some time open on the 30th to meet him has apparently ghosted--I emailed him yesterday to see what had happened, but nothing.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. One thing I wrote in my journal last night as a NY wish is that 2007 be the year that I stop caring about dating and being in a relationship. It would make my life so much easier if I could let go of that desire. I really do have a great life other than that--why do I want that so badly and why do I keep trying? I honestly feel right now like I want to lose my optimism that a good guy who's right for me really exists--I feel like it's only serving to keep me in pain.

Sheri

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Mon, 01-01-2007 - 10:19pm
Well, at the least, I'm very glad that you're not one of those people who think they are lacking in some way but you understand that it is the men that you are dating that are not worthy of you. I really feel that I'm also looking for a needle in a haystack here. I live in Australia but I'm attracted to men who come from ethnic backgrounds and are more conservative in nature. However, it may prove a little difficult to get a work visa as I'm over 30. Incidentally, Australia and the US struck a deal last year and now it has become easier for Australians to work in America. That could also be an option. Ideally though, I'd love to work in Italy, Spain or France. I work for a global company now and it would be great if I could transfer or work for one of the clients. Who knows? 2007 holds many possibilities for all of us!
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 2:50am

I sometimes I feel I'm trying too hard so I let it go for a while. I know you have had your dating sabbatical and it seems all those great techniques you try, you still end up in the same place with guys. I can only believe that somehow if I put out that vision and work on myself inside and let go then I will attract the right woman for me. Well that's the theory.

No magic answers, just a BIG HUG to you Shari.

Mark

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 2:58am

Sheri,
There is a social organization that is international called Meet In ... meetin dot org. There is a chapter in every major city where you have a minimal profile and be able to sign up for activities sponsored by other members. I have met some nice people in a variety of activities: from hiking to karaoke to pub crawls to Bollywood intros to volunteering... It's not a dating thing per se but it certainly is a good vehicle to meet singles. I go to MeetInPortland activities and have had fun and met some nice folks even a couple of nice single women.

Take care,
Mark

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 4:29pm

Hey Mark, happy new year and thanks for the suggestion. I had looked into MeetIn at some point in the past, and just checked out the website again...unfortunately it doesn't look like the Seattle chapter is very active (not nearly as active as the Portland one). That may be because we already had a group going here in Seattle called Space City Mixer that does a similar thing and I've been to a bunch of their events although I kind of got out of the habit of going--I should think about starting again. Anyway, I'll keep an eye on the MeetIn site from time to time and see if it picks up.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 4:44pm
Remember, we teach people how to treat us. If you allow him to pop in and out of your life, he'll take full advantage. If you expect more than that, you need to step up and create boundaries.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 4:52pm

Oh, I agree wholeheartedly! He's been in touch consistently (at least 2-3 times a week) for the last two months, that's why I was starting to let my guard down a bit.

I'll see what he has to say for himself if and when he calls, and decide from there whether I'm going to continue seeing him. But if I do, it will be with the clear understanding that this type of disappearing act, even if temporary, is not acceptable.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-02-2007 - 5:16pm
Just wanted to tell you to hang in there and that I understand your frustrations as you probably already know. One really good thing though is that even though you are frustrated with dating and finding it harder and harder to find that needle in the haystack you are keeping a good/healthy attitude about everything and that's hard sometimes to do as well, so you are blessed with your ability to look at things in a more realistic/healthy way. You are right in that if a relationship is important to you then you have no choice but to keep trying and also to know that breaks are needed from time to time. It doesn't seem as if this man is consistent enough to your liking and he doesn't appear to have what it takes to make you happy. I gather from your posts that consistency, willingness to commit and for the man to realize how lucky he is to have you is very important. Well now that I mention it, we all look for those same general things.

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