I'm so wishy-washy!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
I'm so wishy-washy!
15
Mon, 12-26-2011 - 8:39pm
I want him. Then I don't. I want more. Then I don't. Is this normal for most women, or are you always on board with a guy from the beginning?

It's been about four months since we've begun our "friendship". He chased me for a good six months before that and I turned him down, mostly because he already has three kids. I thought he wanted to date me until my girlfriend gave him my number and his pervy side came out. That's when I decided he just wanted sex and he'd be okay for that.

But now I'm stuck, as most women find themselves in this situation. Does he want more? Do I want more? Sometimes I miss him and want to see him (like at this very moment) and other times I just want to blow him off (like just a few hours ago). I go from one extreme to another in a short period of time! I haven't seen him in three weeks at this point. I've been sick or busy since then when he's texted me. We did text off and on from Thursday to Saturday afternoon. I suppose I need to ask him what he wants, but I'm so baaaaad at that! Plus men get scared off so easily.

I'm sure I've posted about this before with this guy. I just figured it'd work itself out by now, either by things ending because he got bored or started dating someone, or by me getting annoyed by him. But it hasn't. I also realized that I'm like this with every guy I date. I never have consistent feelings about anyone!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Wed, 12-28-2011 - 12:01pm

Well, at least you are happy! I guess the conversation was positive, good luck!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 10:15pm
He just left and I've got the warm fuzzies. He seemed to have them, too. I do think I know why he never asked me out after a conversation we had, but I won't go into details. I'm always worried when I post about guys here that they are reading and will figure me out!
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 4:41pm
Oh, no. Not at all. If anything, it seems like it's more my terms than anything. I do have to work around his kids, but he's willing to get away for an hour or so if he needs to. The last two times he's wanted to come over, I've told him no.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 3:05pm

I think it came across as everything being on his terms, so if it is not and you are comfortable with it, then all is good. I still tihnk a conversation never hurts, to make sure you are on the same page.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 3:01pm
You all seem to think I'm getting nothing from the arrangement and he's only using me. That's not true at all. We're both getting something from it, and to be honest I don't know that I'm not selling him short. Doesn't everyone go through a deciding period?? I thought that was normal.

Either way- if I decide I want an actual relationship or not- I'm not missing out on anything right now. In fact, it might make me more flirty when I'm out. I'm definitely not putting too much emphasis on this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 2:37pm

Oh, Shy, it sure does seem that you're selling short - your DREAMS, not just yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2011
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 2:13pm

Its not easy to have that conversation, but at the same time, I don't tihnk anyone is good at it. So stop telling yourself you are bad at it, that is just giving yourelf permission to avoid it.

I don't tihnk there is anything wrong with having the conversation with him, and telling him that you don;t know if you want more. You could tell him you are not ruling it out, that you are trying to figure out what you want. And then if he is not interested in more, that can shape your decision, which is different from making it for you.

For me, not kowing would make me more crazy. Its clearly already in your head, so find out what is in his.

And let the rest of us know :)

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 12:54pm

I know I need to have that conversation....I'm just REALLY, REALLY bad at it!!!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 12:53pm

Oh, no, he wasn't next to last or anything like that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 12-27-2011 - 12:07pm

I have to agree with Music and JT.. I love having a man's point of view..by the way.

I dont think this guy is going to change his mind either if as they say the relationship just started with sex..and as we all know women can fall in love with a man and want things to change.

I think shy you want the whole package of love and committment and kids and I feel you should move on if that is what you want and like JT said before anymore romantic feelings get in the way if they havent already. Its sad but true.

There are some days I feel I could handle a fwb but then again there are some days I know I couldnt and I would want more. It would be painful emotionally for me as I know I wear my heart on my sleeve. Not that anyone is asking me but I would love to have sex but not sure I could separate that from my heart.. That is how women are and that is the facts and you are kidding yourself if you think you can dodge that bullet.

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