I'm terrified

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
I'm terrified
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 10:29pm
Its so bizarre, I am a grown woman at 38, I have dated and been in relationships before... but I just seem to have no guts right now. There is a guy I'm interested in who is in my group, but I just seem to occupy my time talikng to other people, mind you some are people I have a legitimate need to talk to because I have volunteered to help with costumes.. I can't be sure, but I sensed that he may have wanted to talk to me. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but he seemed to be attempting to approach us by going under a volleyball net that had just been reinstalled minutes before... One of the girls had asked me why I looked so happy and the first thing that occurred to me was to mention the convention I had just gotten back from and then mentioned that I was relieved that we had finally gone over some music pieces that I was more familar with... but you all know why! Ha ha ha, cute guy was behind her! She then asked me to go out with her and some people for a couple of drinks but I declined because I was not sure my roommate had walked my dogs (which she had forgotten to do) as well as pick someone up from the airport. As I was leaving, I noticed he was lingering around outside and I immediately went to speak with another girl to talk about our favorite NFL team. Go Pack! Then I proceeded to walk to my car... I can't help but wonder if he was going to that meetup... of course I had legitimate commitments...
Why am I such a coward? I have befriended guys before in the guise of potentialy dating them. I can't really understand why I am behaving this way.. or maybe I have read too much dating advice that says you have to make yourself unavailable to create a sense of cat and mouse...
Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sat, 10-15-2011 - 10:41pm
I completely understand! Right now, you don't know if he's interested. You can continue to wonder and still have hope that someday something will happen with him. As soon as you show interest and try to find out if he feels the same, that hope could go away. Of course, nothing will ever happen if you don't let him know you're interested, but sometimes the fantasy is just too damn fun to blow it on reality.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 2:01am

It's my observation of myself and others that cowardly behavior is an attempt at self-protection.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 10:11am
Great points by Shy and Marina. The analyzing and watching him without talking prolongs things and always gives hope that there could be more. Actually talking to him could lead to either finding out he is nothing like you wanted or he isn't into you, so there will go the fun of it and hope right away. Plus I think lots of people in general still like to believe that all they have to do is select someone and the rest will work out. But it often doesn't. And the
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 11:48am
Great observatios by all of you! As for Shy's observation, I have actually consciously thought that.. Keep the hope alive and enjoy the high of liking someone, but I haven't consciously done this with this one. Maybe its because I have been too focused on work, on my technique and other stuff to really think this one out. Maybe that combined with self preservation is what is going on subconsciously in my head.
Believe me JT, the shrinking dating pool is foremost on my mind, its reality. It probably should be my motivation to "man up" so to speak before I miss an opportunity.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 10-16-2011 - 12:15pm
The next time that there might be an opportunity for another impromptu meetup, I'd make sure I'm available to attend :)
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 12:20am

Rejection is a scary thing however as I grow older I know I don't want to live my life from fear and "I should have done..." regrets at my death bed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2009
Mon, 10-17-2011 - 8:03pm
Thanks for the input everyone! Cfk3 I have every ntentun of making sure my bases are covered for next time, just wish it were this week but rehearsal was cancelled and his section is going ahead to practice but I haven't hard about mine, mine is a lot smaller. Wish someone would come forward and work with me. So I guess it'll wait another week.
Mark, I hear you loud and clear. I don't want that to be me and am determined to put myself out there.