I'm too in my head!

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
I'm too in my head!
15
Sun, 08-11-2013 - 12:02pm
I should probably just go with it and not think. I should. But that's not on my nature! So one of the guys I posted about before is rather smitten with me. He told me so. Said he's been smitten for awhile. The problem? He's the one I'm not sure I can be attracted to. Now, in the past I've initially found men unattractive and that changed once I got to know them. In fact, the strongest chemistry I've ever had with someone was with a guy I found downright ugly when I met him. I can't help but think I'd be leading him on if I go out with him, though. He wants to do something Saturday. I did give him my number, so he can call if he wants. I just don't know what I'll say if he does. He did also says that he got the impression that I wasn't into him. I told him I'm just really cautious when it comes to men. My single girlfriend says she can't see us together. I can't really either, but I wasn't uncomfortable last night when he sat with his arm around me or kissed my head when I left (he's 6'5"- that's all he could reach, thankfully!). Why can't a guy I'm attracted to right away be smitten with me?? That would be way easier!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 9:04pm

I think a lot of life is luck and being in the right place at the right time.  I have so many friends who met their BFs on line but it just didn't work for me.  For some of them, it was literally the first man they found through OLD where most people do endless dates & don't meet anyone.  I just think you can't go around regretting the past--yes, it's too bad you didn't date this one or that one, but you can't do it over, so you just have to go on ahead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 8:54pm

that's right, you can write someone off too quickly online. I haven't met many men first off but the couple quality ones I met was actually online. I met one through a meetup group. So there you go. As much as I hate OLD, considering my track records, maybe that's not a bad way to go. I like meetup as well but the last quality guy I met there (7 years ago) was absolute pure luck. But the stupid girl that I was didn't see it. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 08-20-2013 - 11:56am

I certainly would not go out w/ any guy who showed an interest in me.  First of all, there has to be some physical attraction.  If I think a guy is just horrible looking, forget it.  If he's average, but otherwise has some interesting qualities I would at least give him a chance.  I think meeting men on OLD is actually harder because you tend to judge people more based on looks--when you meet someone in person, you get the whole package--you get some idea of their personality as well, so maybe looks aren't that important, but it's hard to judge someone's personality on OLD.  If someone has no common interests, is not educated and has a bad job, or is too old, then I don't even bother.  The person has to have something that interests me, otherwise I'm not going to waste my time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Mon, 08-19-2013 - 8:43pm

precisely b/c I rarely get an interest from a man, or in the case OLD, got interest from lots of inappropriate men, how do you decide? Go out with any guy that show interest b/c you want to see if there's chemistry? In either case, it's just too trying. Go out with everyone? How many times? There's got to be something in the beginning to motivate you a little bit.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 10:24am

I don't feel mr xxxs's example is what we are talking about. I am not talking about wanting to jump someone's bones the first time you lock eyes.  I am talking about a connection, or spark, of interest, that one can build on from there.  It sounds like the OP has at least that, so no harm at least going out and seeing if there is something there.  Otherwise, I couldn't be bothered.  I have had too many experiences with pushing myself 't with guys I just wasn't feeling it with.  It wasn't  good for them, it wasn't good for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2006
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 3:21am

Hey Gleannfia, as per usual i couldnt agree more with you.. there HAS to be this *something* from the beginning - otherwise, indeed, no point to bother..

Rocklady

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 1:13am

I do not trust chemistry.  I do not trust at all.   I had a event that showed me how unreliable chemistry really is.

  A friend needed a ride to get something from a friend of hers.  When we arrived the woman who opened the door and i felt chemistry.  if the friend had not been there we would have jumped into bed.   A couple of days,weeks later we met again and nothing, nada.  That is why I do not trust chemistry.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 08-12-2013 - 10:58pm

Withour a hint or promise of chemistry, why bother, in my opinion.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 08-12-2013 - 8:16pm

Music- I thought of you when I was posting this. I remembered your story!  

Free- I don't put much emphasis on immediate chemistry. It does have to develop somewhat At some point, though. Otherwise, he's just a friend. 

I've decided to just go with the flow. I think he was upset that I didn't create a long texting conversation yesterday bc later he texted again "Great talk!" I told him I'd been running around all day and was getting ready to nap. I really am at a point where I could take him or leave him, so maybe letting him chase me will be to my benefit. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 08-12-2013 - 7:44pm

gee. Not sure about when I was thirty ish but now being 59 I am not sure I think chemistry is a big deal anymore.... I would think that if you like someone and there is some sort of connection it could work.. Not sure if there are any bells and whistles that go off in this day and age or someone who really knocks you out.. and waiting for that may take a long long time and being alone is worse ..

You have nothing to lose by going for it.. If it doesnt float your boat then you paddle away..... No worries..

There are so many different scenarios these days with relationships......so this could work for you..

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