Incredibly Pathetic
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Incredibly Pathetic
| Fri, 07-13-2007 - 1:37am |
The title basically sums up this post! I am just wondering, and I have been for a long time, what is wrong with me. I will be 24 next month and I haven't had a single friend since middle school and a boyfriend, never. I am not very ugly (I'm not beautiful either, but I don't have any deformities or serious skin or weight issues) so at least I can rule that out, but for some reason, there is nobody in the world who seems to like me. I am one of those people who is nice (too nice, I have been called many times) and I let people walk all over me because I am so very afraid of being disliked (obviously this method is not working). I live by myself and work in a pharmacy and I can honestly say that I hate everything about myself and my life. I am friendly with my co-workers but I have always, always been excluded. In high school it was worse, I was painfully shy and spent every lunch hour hiding out in the library. Whenever I try to make friends with someone, they just absolutely do not seem interested. The only advice I have been given is just "be yourself and like yourself and others will too". What I want to know is, how can you like yourself when nobody else does? The only people I ever "hang out" with are my dad and stepmother and my grandparents. It is very, very depressing. I spent Friday nights and weekends sitting around my apartment watching movies. I have tried the usual things, i.e. going to church groups and such, but everyone is already in their own cliques and I can just never seem to become part of one. My greatest dream is to one day (in the near future) save up some money for a complete makeover and a plane ticket to anywhere but here. But, I'm guessing, your problems follow you wherever you go. I am so incredibly awkward, maybe that's my problem. Anyone? Help? Please??

But, I'm guessing, your problems follow you wherever you go. I am so incredibly awkward, maybe that's my problem. Anyone? Help? Please??
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In life, 50% of the people you meet or interact with will dislike or hate you, and 25% will openly let you know they dislike you in some way. The other 50% will tolerate you or "kind of" like you. 25% of the side that likes you will openly like you at some level. A very small group will surface as actual friends. Conflict cant be avoided.
Until you clearly see this, you know you are not being yourself in public, as personality provokes reaction.
Your problems will follow you if you run . .. be good to yourself, spend some of that money on therapy, someone to talk this out with who has no agenda. (-:
I had to respond to this one. I feel for you, have my reasons. Your life can change with some small effort. You will however need a little help to point it in the right direction. (-; It will not be difficult at all once you get started. The solution is natural in nature, and builds momentum quickly.
Best of luck.
First of all, I highly doubt a makeover is going to solve anything. I don't judge my friends or who I become friends with based on looks at all. Who cares??
Second of all, I know someone that reminds me of you and it's because he never went to college (well, mostly). After high school the friends he did have (he's just a quiet guy, nothing wrong with him) mostly went their separate ways, he lives at home, and doesn't have many opportunities to socialize. If I hadn't gone to school, I think I'd be a lot harder up for close friends, honestly...even in THAT group, many have moved or we've simply lost touch or whatever.
I'm not saying college is the answer to EVERYTHING and if you don't want to go to school or take classes, then don't, but if you've ever thought about it (I'm just assuming you haven't gone by your post), it's a fantastic way to meet people and you're around the right age (for some schools, especially ones that offer night classes). Believe it or not, I used to be a painfully shy person and had trouble meeting people and making/keeping friends. I think I had three close friends in high school, two of whom are married with kids and I hardly ever see anymore, and one I went to college with. Without that push to get out of my shell, I think I'd still be stuck in that mode.
You don't need a makeover, but you need to be unique. Embrace yourself and love yourself. Start from there and don't think about what others are thinking for now. Pick something that you are passionate about. Pick a personal style. Keep up with the current stuff like music, movies, etc. anything that will generally let you have a conversation start with other people. If you make it a goal to meet more people, you will eventually find more people that do like you. When you find yourself interesting and fun (from your hobbies and things you are passionate about), other people will want to join in on the fun :-)
There are so many people in this world, you are bound to find people who love you. Be positive and cheer up :)
I completely understand where you are coming from.
>>It just requires you to take a step outside of your comfort zone.
YES. Completely agreed. Many of my family members are the type to just kind of hang around the house...stay in their own little worlds, and if they're happy, that's great, but I have the valuable (in my eyes) ability to make myself do things I don't WANT to do or am frightened to do, but know would be good for me. When I went to London (to live, not for vacation), I'd spent the better part of my life in the northeastern US, had never been on a plane, didn't know anyone else that was going, and was scared out of my MIND. I spent the better part of the week before with my heart pounding and feeling sick to my stomach. I never though about NOT doing it though, and it was without question the best decision I've ever made. I wouldn't be the same person I am now without that experience. I know there's some sort of saying referring to the best experiences being the ones that you have to exit your comfort zone to do (though I'm obviously less eloquent right now).