Incredibly Sad and Feeling Hopeless

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Incredibly Sad and Feeling Hopeless
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 1:44am

Hi all,

Please forgive me in advance for the blubbering stuff I'm about to write.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 9:39am

I am sorry you are feeling so sad. I can empathize, because it hits all of us at times. I haven't read all of your story about this man, and will go back and do so to fill in the blanks.

Now this is just my opinion, to take it for what it is worth. I don't know that I would say that you are drama queen;I would have to meet you to make an accurate assessment. We all only share a fraction of our lives here on this board.

In many of your posts, I see someone who is extremely independent and strong. I think it would be very hard to give that up for *any* guy. Let's face it, the vast majority of men out there would not be worth it. If this man is really the One, you have nothing to lose by just living your life and seeing what happens in June. Take this time and enjoy it and do what you have to do to "be ready" for this life. If it doesn't work out, you will still be ahead. Maybe this is a dress rehearsal for the real thing, or else this actually is the real thing.

Yes, you are fortunate that you've found someone you see a future with. I hope it works out. I've been in your shoes, when I was younger, and it was heartbreaking. You can NOT control the outcome, and that is the hardest part of all.
I wouldn't read too much into your lovability. It's a tough world out there, and in my opinion dating and relationships are harder than ever. I also think that there is a legion of unsuitable and "broken" people, which makes it even more untenable. I think one of the strenghths of the women on this board is that we will not settle just to have a partner. I see all too many women doing that. If you don't believe me, look around you.

I understand your sadness, though. At a certain point in your life you just get tired of hoping and trying. All of us here want to be loved, and it hard to believe it is "out there" for us.

Hang in there! ((((Hugs))))

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 9:59am

Hi Marina;

No need to apologize and I truly understand how you feel.. and you are right we dont know what your real life is like.. I am glad you posted this heartfelt letter. I was just thinking that sometimes we always post what is good and not about what is not so good in our lives. I think we need to always get things out in the open or that is what I think.. You are going through a sad time and whatever makes you feel better then do it.. If that means writing a 100 pages in a journal and pouring your heart out then do it. If that means venting on here then do it.. If that means taking walks on the beach do it.. Your guardian angels will be around you and watching over you in this trying time.. I am also sad and lonely and feeling hopeless so I truly know that feeling... Dont you feel like where did we go wrong? What did we miss or why didnt he like me? Yesterday I was trying to figure out why people get sick? Why dont some people fall for us? Why didnt he ask me to lunch? Why does it rain or why does the sun come out? I had no answers for any of it. I do know that we live in a very imperfect world with imperfect people and we cant fix, change, or worry about it because we mere humans dont have that power. We can only change what we think is good for us and we cant magically fix or change other people. Its like where is that magic wand to make everything better and to change this or that. Unfortunately there is none.. I so wish I could wave that wand and have all of us meet our soul mates and live happily ever after..

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 10:59am

Hi Gleann,

Thanks for your wonderful note, to which I will refer many times today no doubt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008
Sun, 04-08-2012 - 4:15pm

I know when you are single, it seems like life will be bright and cheery...if you just had someone. But overweight ppl think life would be so much better if they were thin. Below average looking ppl think life will be rosy if they just were beautiful. You get the point.

You have so much going for you - you are beautiful, I'm guessing thin for your age because you take care of yourself and your health. Yes, it will be nice to share your life with someone but it's going to come with some good and some bad. You've mentioned you don't like compromise, that is a good place to start mentally preparing yourself for this r/ship. There is just no way you two will live harmoniously w/o some compromise. Plus, he can't MAKE you happy - you have to happy yourself. Why wouldn't you be happy? What other things besides a partner are contributing to this?

Please don't contact his therapist!!!!!!!! I know you just said you thought about it...but WOW...if I were seeing a therapist and my DH contacted him/her before getting my permission, I would FLIP! That spells serious control issues to me. It's not something I would ever think to do. I wouldn't even talk to my DH's mother on my own, let alone his therapist. You need to figure out why you feel urges like this? Maybe it fares you well in business...? If so, please note this is a not a business decision :)

Good luck and hang in there. Three months is a blink of an eye.

I'm glad you found someone who is normal and selfless enough to put the needs of others first. Hugs,