Informative Chat with a Man online today!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Informative Chat with a Man online today!!!
10
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 9:01am

Hello everyone

I was chatting with a guy online who was 40 years old today .. Now that is way too young for me but we had an interesting chat... He was telling me some interesting facts about men and I kind of knew those things but when actually hearing it honestly from a man was rather refreshing.. He said that he always kept his options open when it came to women.. Like when he was in a relationship he always thought there was someone better so he kept searching and looking but it always lead to the same thing. ..Doesnt that sound familar?? Well now that he is 40 he says that he would love to settle down but its even challenging for him as many women are married in his age group.............I guess he might have lost out ....

So what do you guys think? You think his ego was a bit out there or is he just looking for the next best thing.................

By the way Music he lives in Boston ............................LOL............................

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 9:17am

Yes, there are those type of men, but also men who are a one-woman man. I work in an agency where the majority of workers are men. There are men who speak fondly of their wives, have wonderful marriages as far as I can see, and are extremely happy with their wives/girlfriends. Then there are those who don't speak highly of their significant other, if they have one, and are more likely to objectify women. It takes a lot of sifting through sand to find the treasure. Men will show you exacltly who they are if you pay attention.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 9:41am

Oh; I see ..............

I was also thinking of the term player and could that be a guy who is always looking for the next best thing or is that a confirmed bachelor?  My neighbor is about 41 or so just got married for the first time.................I would see him with other women but he finally found someone he wanted to marry and she has two kids from a past relationship............I always wondered is it the woman that  changes his mind or is it that he is ready to settle down and when the next available women comes along he goes for it . Of course they have to be in live and all of that but sometimes I even wonder if its true love..

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 9:59am

I know a woman who got married for the second time in her 40s to a man who had never been married, also in his 40s. She said, "I swear, I think men just decide one day that they want to get married."

I don't think your chatting buddy is representative of all men. Heck, a lot of men may wish they could attract lots of women, but a lot of them really can't. I think that whole "sowing your wild oats" mind set is more common for men in their 20s, but if they mature at all (and some of them never do) they grow tired of that. Of course men (and women) might have fantasies about extramarital affairs, but that doesn't mean one has to act on them. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 12:38pm

I think this is more of a player, or maybe this is not even the right term as I see a player as someone who pretends to be interested in women to get their affection and then drops them--that is more calculated than I see this guy.  I think some men (and I assume some women too) are of the mindset that they can't really commit to someone because they can't decide if they have made the right choice.  That's why I always say that OLD has made things worse because it makes it (theoretically) so easy to meet more and more people that faced with all those choices, some people really can never pick just one.  I remember a guy I met just before I met 2nd DH--I had chatted with him on OLD and was going to the Parents without Partners meeting to meet him (and that's where I met 2nd DH).  Anyway, we never went out on an actual date, but he was always telling me about the large number of women that he was meeting--I bet he thought it was great but I do think that after a while people realize that they are not really getting anywhere just meeting new people all the time and they decide that maybe it's time to pick just one.  Most guys do end up doing this earlier but apparently this guy waited a long time.  I bet by age 40 a lot of those formerly single player type guys are thinking about how they are growing older, it's not as easy to find a lot of dates because women their age are married, maybe they can't attract younger women and they are just tired of being alone and thinking how it might be nice to come home to someone else, have dinner with someone every night and have a regular sexual partner.

I think a confirmed bachelor is different.  I'm thinking of my SIL's brother who's in his 50's and never married.  I've never seen him with a GF--maybe he has them since I don't see him very often, but I think there are some people who just prefer to be alone.  My boss is definitely one of those too--he doesn't seem to have much interest in human relationships.  He's had GFs that I know of but when they break up with him, he doesn't even seem to care.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 5:39pm

The attractive have more options.  It is just that simple.  The rich have more options.  Making early choices is unnecessary as time is not a factor until their 50's even then with those two factors they are heads and shoulders above others.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 6:58pm

Interesting takes on this folks and yes rich men or gorgeous men seem to be able to get the girls... From this guys picture he did seem very attractive but that is only a  picture ................He just said he was passing by my photo and that I looked good for a 60 year old woman.. Geeezzzzzzzz.. was that a compliment or one of those hey you look good for an old person? LOL.. I wasnt offended .. It was just kinda fun having someone say that and I was flattered or he had nothing to do and just wanted to talk to someone..or maybe I reminded him of his mother LOL.........................

Speaking of age for men and looks..................Billy Joel famous man who is 65 now married a girl in 2004 who was 23 years old. His dd at the time was 18... they were married for 5 years and then divorced ..............oh; and he was also married to gorgeous model Christie Brinkley ...........Billy Joel is 5'5 inches tall and said he could never get such gorgeous young  woman until he became rich and famous....not sure its his personality that gets him these young women..............By the way now his new gfriend is 33 and gorgeous and he is 65 of course..

I have mixed feelings about being a super model or rich and famous because its a tough life but I wouldnt mind trying it out for a week to see who would date me or who I could get LOL.

oh; and the same thing goes for women who are rich and famous................Sandra Bullock once dated Ryan Gosseling who was like 20 years younger than her and of course there are other examples..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 07-31-2014 - 9:11pm

Yes I heard that Mick Jagger, who is 71, has a new GF who is barely legal--it's like dating his granddaughter, which is really creepy.

Another reason that good looking and/or rich men can take their time is that they aren't under pressure to have children by a certain age or it's too late.

By the way, I have a friend who is very attractive and it has been so interesting to me to see how men act around her--it's not it's all cracked up to be.  She's 47 but she looks younger.  I haven't seen any very young men hit on her but she gets men from 40 on up--but the thing is that she attracts everyone--guys that no one would want to date, plus guys who are way too old, etc.  So I don't think it would be that fun to reject people all the time because she is a nice woman, she's not snobby.  Plus if I look at her past love life, it's no better than mine--she has been divorced twice.  The first guy, who was the father of her kids was not responsible and even after the divorce, he didn't help out or pay child support.  The 2nd DH left her for another woman but still gave her a real hard time in the divorce, which was ridiculous since they didn't have kids together and she wasn't asking for alimony, so what was there to fight about?  She just didn't want to be put on the street with 2 small kids (from the 1st marriage).  Then she was in a long term relationship with another guy who lied about being married when they started dating, but by the time she found out, she was in love with him--he did get divorced, but he was also kind of crazy possessive, like he knows that all men are looking at her, so he was always worried, I guess, that she would find someone better.  Since they broke up she has hardly been dating--I think she is just sick of the hassle.  But it has been an eye opener to me, because of course most people wish they were better looking and think their dating problems would all be solved if they were more attractive.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Fri, 08-01-2014 - 8:38am
I think I encounter a lot of guys like that. I do think that online dating has made it worse. Even if a guy says he wants to settle down with one woman, I think finding that one to them means finding perfection. Not gonna happen. Hopefully that makes sense. My brain isn't quite awake yet!
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 08-02-2014 - 12:17am

Music,good looks last only so long if there is nothing else.  To another woman she seems to have it but as a male i thing that thought is wrong.  Good looks will get you in the door, but  one has to have more.   There maybe may turn offs that she does.   With men in a relationship that sours it.   There could be many different things or one main thing.

  As far as good looking  The  tale of  Diarmuid Ua Duibhne can show that it can be a curse.*

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diarmuid_Ua_Duibhne

Diarmuid_Ua_Duibhne

chaika

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 08-02-2014 - 10:57am

WHAT!?!?  Guys don't want to date just one girl at a time!?!?  They want to play the field for as long as they possibly can, huh!?!?  LOL.  Um, yeahhhhhh . . . This sounds about right.  Guys are so WEIRD.  No, seriously, we are just so different is what it is . . . I think it all goes back to nature.  Women are wired to be monogamous and nurturing and men just are not.  Yes, I'll be nice and just say "they are not" LOL.  I will say this though, I don't think they can help it.  It doesn't mean that I like that they are this way but they're definitely hard wired completely opposite of us.  I think it's kind of cruel that the two sexes are so very different . . .