I have made first contact with almost all the men I've met online that I've dated for any length of time. For whatever reason, I have much better luck that way, rather than waiting for guys to contact me (I'm not interested in most of the men who contact me). Usually I just wink at them and let them take it from there.
When a woman initiates "contact" with a man, we can make the choice of pursuing her or ignoring her....but what's even more important....she's not going to feel like she's being stalked!
PG has said "HELLO" to many women (some with children) at a supermarket, a WALMART or even the post office. Sometimes, the conversations are short...but there ARE occasions when we might chat for up to 10 minutes.
Keep in mind that the LAST THING most men want to do is "turn a woman off" before having the chance to get to know her. This is why a "HELLO" said in a public place isn't a totally bad idea.
There's no reason you have to pursue anything further if a man makes you feel uncomfortable in any way.
I vary on this. I prefer it if a man initiates contact but there are some pretty nice men out there that are kinda shy. Also, sometimes they are intimidated and might not have made the first move for that reason. I have never asked a man out but I have emailed first or been the one to strike up a conversation that later led to a date and sometimes more. You just have to find your comfort level. Stepping outside of your normal boundaries might be a healthy thing. If you don't feel comfortable, then you know to take a step back. But life is too short to place artificial constraints on meeting people.
I think I've only done this twice in the last year. Each time, I approached them as I was leaving the bar. I know, I'm chicken !@#%. I had already jotted my number down on a napkin so, I walked up, introduced myself, explained that my friends were waiting on me but to give me a call if they would like to get together for coffee or something. Both men called but I only garnered one date. Unfortuantely, the one date was with the guy who was here visiting from Phoenix, AZ. I know I made it seem as though I approached these men simultaneously but, I assure you, it was on two separate occasions!
The only problem that I have with this is, I was taught to never pursue boys. I can hear my mother's voice now, "Let them come to you." I wonder if that is a southern thing? Also, I find myself wondering if guys are just responding favorably out of courtesy, pity or boredom. You know? I've always heard that if a guy is interested he will act so, if he doesn't, and I decide to, what does that mean exactly? What is he really thinking?
I'm rambling. To answer your question, I say, if you want to, go for it. I don't know why I don't do it more often. I'm always talking my friends into leaving their business cards with various guys!
Sorry that you are in a funk!! Cheer up, Teach ; )
PG isn't the first man who said a harmless "HELLO" and received an odd look in return from a woman? Sometimes...a polite gesture to one can be misinterpreted as as "a man trying to 'hit' on you?"
If you initiate any sort of contact....it's up to the receiver (of your contact) to respond NEXT! Most women who constantly badger a non-interested male usually end up very frustrated over time.
I think its okay to initiate contact, and then let the man do the pursuing. I met my current b/f online, after I emailed him. He was the first guy I'd ever actually emailed first -- before that I would only send winks, or wait for someone to contact me. We hit it off, and he did all the pursuing after that.
I'd also initiated contact at work a couple times with men whose paths I crossed (never anyone in the same department!), by saying "hi, how's it going," when I saw them in the halls, to see if I could get their interest. I did get a date out of one of them. The other one didn't show real interest after a couple attempts, so I dropped it.
Nothing wrong with being proactive in the search for a good companion!
I think it is perfectly fine for a woman to be the first to initiate contact with a man using an online dating service because the mere fact that you are a member means you are there to find a date. Sometimes the problem with online dating is that there are a lot of men who are too cheap to pay for the service so even if they do like your profile they can't contact you because they can't send a message since they are not a subscribing member but if you think about it do you really want to date a man who is too cheap to pay for a membership???
On the other hand, I'm against approaching a man while in public because I'm a true believer that if a man is really interested in you it doesn't matter how shy he is he will approach you. If a man is really shy, there are many ways for a man to make the first especially at bar. He can always send a drink to your table or even write down his number and give it to a waitress to deliver it to you. My point is that if he is really interested he will find a way to contact you.
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I have made first contact with almost all the men I've met online that I've dated for any length of time. For whatever reason, I have much better luck that way, rather than waiting for guys to contact me (I'm not interested in most of the men who contact me). Usually I just wink at them and let them take it from there.
Sheri
shyone...
Pianoguy pretty much agrees with Sheri on this.
When a woman initiates "contact" with a man, we can make the choice of pursuing her or ignoring her....but what's even more important....she's not going to feel like she's being stalked!
PG has said "HELLO" to many women (some with children) at a supermarket, a WALMART or even the post office. Sometimes, the conversations are short...but there ARE occasions when we might chat for up to 10 minutes.
Keep in mind that the LAST THING most men want to do is "turn a woman off" before having the chance to get to know her. This is why a "HELLO" said in a public place isn't a totally bad idea.
There's no reason you have to pursue anything further if a man makes you feel uncomfortable in any way.
Pianoguy
That's exactly why I decided to send the emails. The men who contact me are mostly men I'd never go out with.
Do men really think we'll think they are stalking if they say hi first?
I think I've only done this twice in the last year. Each time, I approached them as I was leaving the bar. I know, I'm chicken !@#%. I had already jotted my number down on a napkin so, I walked up, introduced myself, explained that my friends were waiting on me but to give me a call if they would like to get together for coffee or something. Both men called but I only garnered one date. Unfortuantely, the one date was with the guy who was here visiting from Phoenix, AZ. I know I made it seem as though I approached these men simultaneously but, I assure you, it was on two separate occasions!
The only problem that I have with this is, I was taught to never pursue boys. I can hear my mother's voice now, "Let them come to you." I wonder if that is a southern thing? Also, I find myself wondering if guys are just responding favorably out of courtesy, pity or boredom. You know? I've always heard that if a guy is interested he will act so, if he doesn't, and I decide to, what does that mean exactly? What is he really thinking?
I'm rambling. To answer your question, I say, if you want to, go for it. I don't know why I don't do it more often. I'm always talking my friends into leaving their business cards with various guys!
Sorry that you are in a funk!! Cheer up, Teach ; )
Shyone...
PG isn't the first man who said a harmless "HELLO" and received an odd look in return from a woman? Sometimes...a polite gesture to one can be misinterpreted as as "a man trying to 'hit' on you?"
If you initiate any sort of contact....it's up to the receiver (of your contact) to respond NEXT! Most women who constantly badger a non-interested male usually end up very frustrated over time.
Pianoguy
I think its okay to initiate contact, and then let the man do the pursuing. I met my current b/f online, after I emailed him. He was the first guy I'd ever actually emailed first -- before that I would only send winks, or wait for someone to contact me. We hit it off, and he did all the pursuing after that.
I'd also initiated contact at work a couple times with men whose paths I crossed (never anyone in the same department!), by saying "hi, how's it going," when I saw them in the halls, to see if I could get their interest. I did get a date out of one of them. The other one didn't show real interest after a couple attempts, so I dropped it.
Nothing wrong with being proactive in the search for a good companion!
I think it is perfectly fine for a woman to be the first to initiate contact with a man using an online dating service because the mere fact that you are a member means you are there to find a date. Sometimes the problem with online dating is that there are a lot of men who are too cheap to pay for the service so even if they do like your profile they can't contact you because they can't send a message since they are not a subscribing member but if you think about it do you really want to date a man who is too cheap to pay for a membership???
On the other hand, I'm against approaching a man while in public because I'm a true believer that if a man is really interested in you it doesn't matter how shy he is he will approach you. If a man is really shy, there are many ways for a man to make the first especially at bar. He can always send a drink to your table or even write down his number and give it to a waitress to deliver it to you. My point is that if he is really interested he will find a way to contact you.
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