Interesting Sat. night (long cause I'm bored at work)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Interesting Sat. night (long cause I'm bored at work)
11
Mon, 12-23-2013 - 11:05am

I went to a dance Sat. night--they have monthly salsa dances and since I started going in the summer, there are a lot of the same people there.  I met my friend G, who I was originally interested in, but I figure nothing is going to happen there.  He is a little younger than me, but he's interested in women who are a lot younger than him.  He has never been married & I think he does want to get married & have kids so that's kind of logical although a little unrealistic.  Last month after the dance we went out for pizza and had this long strange talk about dating & sex.  It was kind of annoying because he was talking about this one woman he was interested in but was unsure about whether he wanted to date her cause she smokes & he hates smoking.  You know when you get the feeling "hey, I'm a woman here too and you are ignoring that fact" so I told him that I found this guy J attractive.  I do realize there are things that really would annoy me about G, mainly that he's cheap and doesn't seem to know what direction he wants to go in as far as employment and I'm kind of old to deal with that stuff.

So back to this week.  I had told G that I was probably going to go to the dance, but I was surprised that he texted me to ask if I was going.  I said yes & I'm bringing friends (one man & one woman).  He says he's hopping in the shower and going to be there soon, then later he texted again to ask if I was there yet (but I didn't see that because the dance starts with a lesson & I was doing that).  So most of the night G wasn't even dancing, although he did dance with me.  He said he's losing his enthusiasm for it, he doesn't feel that he's improving and he seemed kind of depressed--yeah, if I wanted a depressed guy, I'd go back to my ex!

So J came in during the lesson but he didn't participate in it--when he saw me, he winked.  After the lesson, my friend & I went out to go to the ladies room and when we went back in, I had to pass by him. I was just going to say hi, but he hugged me.  I was kind of surprised.  There is a latin dance called the bachata and you can get very very close.  So J did that with me and I thought after that, it was enough to make my night--he is very hot!  So I guess G was watching because later on he says "why didn't you just knock him down on the dance floor and have sex with him?"--isn't it odd about men that they don't want you but then still can sound jealous?  Over the course of the night, I dance with J a couple more times too.  Then when the dance ended I was talking a little with him and then I said Merry Christmas and actually kissed him on the cheek.  I know it's not much but since I am having no success in the dating world, it was the most exciting thing that happened to me in a while.  lol

Oh there was another man there who I probably could have gotten a date with--he really liked dancing with me.  He was nice but kind of chubby but I just wasn['t attracted to him--but why is that always the case?  You always want the ones that you can't have and then the guys you like aren't interested in you--I'm sure that men say the same things too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Ok how do you suggest that I do that without totally humiliating myself if he has no interest in me?

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

Ok are you attracted to J?  You do realize that you do need to let hime know that you are interested ,really interested.  at some types of events nice men are often scared of the possiblility of offending.  You need to take him out of the lesson and into the world to let him know that you if you are really interested in his body.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2001

I want to believe that we will ALL have another BF/GF at some point.....without settling because I know I don't want to "settle" again.  I too tend to want the guys I can't have.  But in all honesty I haven't even met any "mediocre" guys.  They are either the guys I want but can't have or they are just absolutely, totally not for me. Maybe I am too superficial because if I am not physically attracted I won't even make an attempt.  But at the same time I want more then just the physical, I want conversation & laughter & someone caring and compassionate.  LOL, guess I want it all and that may be asking for too much. I am slightly broken from past relatioships and definitely have walls, not 3' walls.....more like 10' walls!  Maybe that is one reason I have developed a thing for MB.  He somehow gets me and chips away at the walls even if only temporary.  Keeping my fingers crossed for my date this Saturday though.  Even if he's not the "one" I hope that  we can do some occasional dating and at the very least develop a friendship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Thanks CFK.  I did get into the mindset after all the OLD failures that it might be unlikely that I'll ever have a BF again and if that's the case, I'd better find things to do to have fun and not be sitting around at home all the time.  I'd still like a BF but really I don't think about it that much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Interesting observation Safire.  I'll have to look around and see if any of my GFs get asked out.  My one friend has been in a relationship for a few months with a guy she met in a club which surprised me even more since those guys are usually more of the player type.  Another friend got asked out by a guy she met at a club last summer (who I knew first!)--he does swing dancing too.  She only likes him as a friend and we can see they are very different types--she's very religious and he is more rough around the edges.  But I can definitely see what you mean--why date one person if you can just get a lot of attention?  I think that would work for some guys.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999

I get annoyed with one of my girlfriends because she ALWAYS wants the ones she can't have . . . ALWAYS.  She'll whine about why this and why that and then a perfectly nice guy will come along who isn't a perfect 10 and she doesn't want anything to do with him.  Of course, all this coming from a person (me-ha-ha) who's got walls up all over the place ;)  I'm not one to talk . . . 

You sound like such a fun chic!  I can't believe someone hasn't scooped you up(I hope you don't tire of hearing that). 

A couple came in yesterday who had been married 59 years.  I am getting off topic but like you yesterday, I am a bit bored.  He was from Dublin and she was a New Yorker.  They were like the real life versions of the older couples in those couch interviews from the movie When Harry Met Sally(they met in the elevator of the Chrysler building).  Anyway, I thought of you because the man has a 93 year old sister who they said goes on 25 mile hikes and ballroom dances regularly.

At least you are out there living and having fun whether you meet a guy or not :)  I know you'd like to meet a like minded guy who you're attracted to and I wish you all the best but the main thing I take away from your posts is that you aren't sitting around moping . . . you're out there enjoying yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013

If the hot, popular dance partner is anything like the guy I met and dated for about 6 weeks, he'll be going to those dances until he's 80 and never have a permanent partner. I went to swing dances for a few years and many of those guys like the high of being in the presence of many women and the brief, fun encounters they have with a neverending pool of them. I briefly dated James, who was a year younger than me at the time, 45. He'd been married in his twenties and divorced. Since then, he hadn't had a gf longer than 8 months. He did tango, west coast swing and east coast swing. There was something for each of these dances going on every night of the week except Mondays, the only day he didn't dance. He never invited me to the movies, out to dinner, nothing. He expected to see me at a dance where I'd get 2 or 3 dances with him and since dancing with the same woman is boring, the rest of the night would be spent dancing with others. Since he was intelligent, good looking, and had a good job, I put the effort into asking him to do things since I thought maybe he was clueless, but saw that he was addicted to the high of dancing with a harem of women. I think only one older couple met and got married amongst all the regulars. From my observations, going to these dances was not a good place to meet men. I certainly had fun dancing though, and glad I learned.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I'll have to go research the book.  I remember last summer when G asked me to hang out and I was thinking "Oh maybe he likes me and I was all excited" and then after talking for about an hour he throws in that he is dating someone. :(  So I think I was in the friend zone from the beginning, probably due to my age since he is looking for women 20 yrs younger than me--that's not something I could do anything about.  But it's funny now--I do not think he is acting jealous at all.  I didn't explain it well, but his comment about the other guy was more like he was just teasing me.  Then later he says are you looking for a guy to date?  What are you looking for?  What age group? and says that he could look out and see if he knows someone for me.  Well you never know--maybe he could be useful in that way.

As far as the really hot guy, he is a popular dance partner and I don't know him too well except for seeing him at these occasional dances so I'm not sure how to get to know him better except by being flirty.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

It does sound like these guys like to have you around to boost their ego and have fun and all.. Dont forget that men love a bunch of women no matter what age to flirt, hang out and boost and stroke their ego... Its the name of the game..

If they dont have gfriends boosting their ego they have women friends.. Oh; by the way do you feel like you are always in the friend zone with these guys? I know from the past and some experiences when I go to same place and befriend a guy and see him over and over its like okay we are friends and figure I have crossed to friend zone and that is it....Steve Harvey again has a chapter in his book on the women and crossing to friend zone...

Its rather complicated though because it is nice to be friends with men and all but the line gets crossed and then they dont think of us romantically anymore. Not sure how to prevent that and I dont remember what the book said..

well atleast you go out and have fun in freezing Boston.. I give you tons of credit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008

You know I thik it's the ol theory that someone might not seem interested in you until they see that someone else might be, especially if you've shown any interest in them. Or some guys just like the attention they get from you (and other women) and just don't want you turning that attention to somone else. It's weird the way that works but I see it all the time. I think it took a lot of nerve for G to make that comment anyway. Sounds like a comment a jealous boyfriend/husband would make.

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