Internet Dating Update

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Internet Dating Update
7
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 2:27pm
Thank you to everyone for helping me choose to sign up for one of those internet personals websites. I signed up on Tuesday and have two dates lined up for the weekend - I'm going rollerblading with one guy and having brunch with the other (on separate days of course).

I would also like to encourage everyone who hasn't tried lavalife.com, match.com or something similar to give it a shot. Although there are definitely a fair share of "preditors" looking for sex, there are a good portions of good guys. The great thing about the website is that the email exchange is double blind so everything stays anonymous unless you affirmatively do something to change it.

Let me give you an example of what I found - the guy I'm having brunch with is a 30-something lawyer, educated at UCLA and Harvard and has his own practice. He's tall, cute and sounds like fun. Of course, we may meet and have zero chemistry. But, at the very least, at least I know there are still good guys available!

Just felt like sharing....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 3:11pm
Not to rain on your parade but I would never define a "good guy" as someone who had a good education and profession. The man who sexually assaulted me in 1994 (pinned my arms behind my head, tried to have sex with me and wouldn't take no for an answer the first 2-3 times I asked him to stop) was all ivy educated (harvard I think plus grad degrees) very handsome, smart, successful, lovely conversationalist - since that time he has come on way too strong to two other women I know about, remains on match.com and other sites lying about his age (claims he is 39) and has even contacted me several times since 1994 (we met through a personal ad). Sure, the good education/profession/good conversationalist is always a plus but it says nothing about whether he is a safe person to be with - that you need to figure out for yourself, and cautiously.
Avatar for schnappsers
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:11pm
I'm glad you're having some success. I hope your dates go well. I've found so few men in my area who interest me that I'm limited to communicating with only one now. Unfortunately, every time I search the ads, I get the same people that I'd already decided I wasn't interested in. I signed up for 1 month on Yahoo personals and have only a week left. When that expires, I may try a different service just to see some new people.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:49pm
Thanks for the tip and for sharing your experience. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. Of course your right, in situations like this, its best to be cautious. I was just excited to find a new dating outlet. I also just wanted to clarify that I'm not so shallow as to believe that "good on paper" automatically means "good guy." For me, internet dating has allowed me, thus far, to meet a different group of men than I had been meeting in the NYC bars.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 4:53pm
That's the tough part about these websites. You need to weed through and find the ones you're on the same wave length with. I can see how, after a while, the service just doesn't produce what you want it to. I used match.com and recommend it. A friend of mine is using jdate.com and she's been pretty successful there.

I'm sure the "euphoria" I'm feeling about internet dating (if you can call it that) will wear off soon and I'll be back to the bars. But for right now - it seems to be working!

Take care.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 5:42pm
Deena, I think you're reading too much into her comment. Good guy can mean so much. If I find a guy online who actually has a job, I'm surprised. That's been MY experience. So, I'd probably say the same thing if I found a guy who was educated and sounded somewhat intelligent. That doesn't mean he's a good person by my standards, but comparatively, he's probably one of the better choices.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 5:43pm
I totally agree with that - good in the sense of good on paper - I don't agree that I was reading into it, particularly since she described her reaction as "euphoric" (which I know was meant as an exxageration, but still . . . .).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Thu, 04-24-2003 - 9:16pm
Hi, This is the first time I have posted here. I wanted to wish you luck, and of course you will have to tell all. You mentioned something about NYC dating. I am also in New York, Long Island. My email address is twotrusting@hotmail.com if you care to write. But please mention this message board, otherwise it will probably get deleted.