Internet Dating

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Internet Dating
45
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 9:51am
I (finally) decided to make a serious attempt at Internet dating. I've sent my first message already! Women, what would compel you to reply to a message that a man has sent you? Would he need to be excessively handsome and unbelievably charming? If so, I have a fair chance at achieving success!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 3:08am

>1. Nice looking picture. (Not gorgeous, just decent)

This is the funny (strange?) thing. When you meet someone in real life you are either (physically) attracted to them or not. You don't look at them and think, "Yes, very attractive, but they are only 5'7-5'10 and earn $50,000-$79,999. I want someone who is 5'8-5'11 and earns $80,000-$99,999"

It has probably been said 1000 times but I think that when it comes to Internet dating, women are much fussier. They believe their Adonis is in there just waiting to be ordered and will overlook men they would normally consider in a real world situation.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 7:25am

Did I mention money?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 7:51am

I think some men do the same thing online.

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 9:14am
IF he looked ok, was respectful in his profile and his email to me, and there were no obvious red flags, and didn't live too far.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 9:43am

I don't think that women are fussier when it comes to looks. When I did internet dating, I was willing to meet someone who di dnot have a photo but, before mine was available electronically, I did not encounter a single man willing to do that.

If I met someone who was 5'8" in real life, I wouldn't be interested. It's just an attraction issue for me.

Now - I feel that photos are no indication of how attracted you will be to someone. People can look a whole lot different in person. And part of physical attraction is liking someone's smile (Shy and I both listed this as one of the things we like), mannerisms, and pure chemistry. That does not, however, mean that I am going to give someone who is 5'5" a chance just because I might be attracted when I know that wouldn't happen no matter where I met him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 9:50am

I didn't mention it because it is not a deal breaker, but it does matter to me. I know that I have written about this before, but it is not as shallow as it sounds. I earn a good living and am used to a certain level of comfort and a pool on the roof of my lakeside building, but I didn't grow up that way. I busted my ass to excel and get to a place where I could afford it. I want a man who is equally as motivated and prefer dating self-made men to those born with the silver spoon (I have done both). It's not a matter od having the money so much as being ambitious.

I have to mention too that my success can be a challenge for me in the dating world. Not so much the money but the position that I have attained. I don't know if it is intimidating or if it makes some men feel less virile or like they would have to compete with me. But it does make it tough. Generally, I have found it to be less of a problem with successful men. But not always - there are just some men who, regardless of finance, really like and appreciate a successful and strong woman.

OK - I'm babbling. I'll stop now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:35am

>Women, what would compel you to reply to a message that a man has sent you?

Hal,
Maybe you could use this website to help you...
http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_100/143_dating_advice_a.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:41am

>Did I mention money? Because I don't recall mentioning money.

No you didn't. I think you misunderstood the point I was making. Jules said she would not be attracted to someone under 5'8". On a dating profile this is obvious and a filter (real or mental) can be applied and be free from error. In real life it isn't as easy. A man could be 5'7.5" and with shoes could appear to be 5'8.7". So this man may not make Jules swoon all over the place when she sees his online profile but could make her drool and go weak at the knees in real life (Unless she carries around a cardboard template of her ideal man to eliminate the possibility of erroneous attraction).

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 10:53am

I hear ya Hal.

I don't have to time to read this whole thing but I'm sure my input wouldn't be welcomed because I'm PICKY - I'm picky in real life and I'm picky online. I'm no Princess Leia but I do think I'm worth the best! I'm NOT just talking about looks!

Unfortunately, the guys I find that I'm interested in are picky too! :p Oh well... I've made it this far - 29 and single and I'm OK!... so I figure I'll hold out for my Prince, thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: hal_9000
Tue, 09-27-2005 - 12:09pm

Thanks mots & everyone so far.

This now leads me to ask another question.

I have made my profile Non-Searchable because I think women like to be chased. I prefer to select women I like and make first contact rather than women I may not like contacting me first.

Any more opinions/criticisms/suggestions/?