Is it better to ignore?
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|Sat, 06-29-2013 - 9:13am|
I know this has been discussed before about OLD. I'm of the opinion that if a man contacts you and you're not interested, it's better to just not respond. I hear men complain about this, and I know it's harder for men on dating sites. I know they contact many women and get few replies. And I feel bad for them, I do (well, most of them).
I heard from a guy who's actually younger than me, and we have a few slim things in common, but he's overweight. He's only posted one shot of head and shoulders, has a fat face, and admits to "a few extra pounds" and usually this translates into a gigantic gut when you meet them. If we had a lot in common and I felt like he were "my type" I think I could overlook the weight (maybe). I did meet a guy about four years ago who was overweight, and I admit, I wasn't sexually attracted although I liked him. We have dated casually these last four years and he actually lost the weight about two years ago, which was impressive. Alas, we're really not connecting on a deep enough level, so it's never progressed past casual dates. So there is the hope that a man could actually lose weight, but I'm also of the opinion that you should assume that what you see is what you get.
I haven't actually met anyone new in a while and I'll think, "FloridaGirl, you need to meet some guys." (The last time I did that I met Toothpick Man) So I consider answering the guy, but as yet have not. Having done this so long, my thought is, "Look, the guy is overweight and I'm just not attracted. What's the point?" But how do you reply to a guy's email saying, "I'm not interested because you are fat."? Seems harsh, doesn't it? Or do I reply, making up another reason? Do I use the canned match.com thanks but no thanks emails (I've never done that)? Or do I strike up an email exchange with him, hoping I will be so charmed by him that I'll not care about the weight? Or just ghost after a while if I don't want to meet?
I have replied "thanks but no thanks" in the past and have gotten some nastygrams back which is so disheartening. But I know that some guys say they really appreciate hearing back.
You might be wondering, "Well why don't you contact some guys you are interested in?" Normally I don't do that, but I did contact some guys fairly recently. And guess what? Crickets. I'm not offended, I just take it to mean they aren't interested. Personally I don't want to get an email telling me I don't measure up physically.