Is it a date if he doesn't pay?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Is it a date if he doesn't pay?
7
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:04am

I posted last week about my crush canceling going to the movies with me because he was tired. The good news is he contacted me on Monday to reschedule and we went Tuesday night. We had a good time, the movie was good, we talked a lot on the way to the theater and on the way back. He seems to have a good time with me.

The thing is, he didn't offer to pay for my ticket at the movies. So does that mean he thinks it wasn't a date and we were strictly going as friends?

He's told me he's shy so its really hard to tell if he likes me as more than a friend. We used to work together and now we've hung out a few times over the summer and when we were saying our goodbyes after the movie he mentioned getting together to "hang out" again. So does this sound like he just wants to be friends?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 11:45am

Yes, it sounds like "friends" to me.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
Thu, 09-28-2006 - 5:42pm
I'm the type of guy that likes to pay if I am on date or not. If am hanging out with friends we each pay our own. I think you should just go with it. Be "friends" first and if you guys start likeing each other more as time goes on, if he offers to pay or does it automatically, then he most likely wants to take it a step further.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 4:43am

Hi scooby,

>I'm the type of guy that likes to pay if I am on date or not

I am sort of the same. If I am officially on a date then I will insist on paying but if I am only “hanging out” with a woman then I will offer to pay rather than insist. So it is difficult to determine whether he likes you more than a friend based on whether he pays or not.

I am also cynical about “shy” men that tell women they are shy. It seems to be an easy way of telling you that he is not prepared to take the chance and make a fool of himself so YOU better make the first move.

But, to be honest, my personal opinion is that he may not be that into you. Shy or not, keen men don’t break dates. He cancelled going to the movies because he was tired, that is ridiculous.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2006
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 10:16am

Thanks for the replies everyone.

Some of you mentioned that you would at least offer to pay even if it was just a friend. What has confused me is another time we went out to a sports bar and watched a baseball game and had a few beers. He automatically reached for the check and I offered to pay for mine but he said no. So its just kind of thrown me for a loop that one time he paid and one time he didn't. I wasn't quite sure what to think.

But thanks again for replying.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 12:39am
It sounds like "friends" to me, but he could be using this get together to feel you out... to see
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 10:45am

To the OP:

Sounds like "friends" to me. I've had guy friends buy my drinks at a bar too. It just happened last night - and this is a gay guy friend of mine that I don't even know very well. Just out of the blue he says, "Can I buy you a drink?" And it meant nothing at all. Just nothing more than we were chatting and he offered.

With your guy, you will probably have to beat him over the head with it. Guys seem to be dense about these things sometimes. You'll just have to come out and ask him to go on a DATE with you, and see what he says.

But I tend to agree with Hal, the "I'm too tired" excuse is usually just that - an excuse. And a pretty lame one, at that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Sat, 09-30-2006 - 8:53pm
It sounds like a friends situation to me...I have offered to pay for myself on a first date, but more to be polite, and there have been very few occassions that the guy has actually taken me up on it. I think that the guy should pay on the first date, and the last time I went out with a guy and I paid for myself, I decided right then that we would be friends, but we have a good time together as friends.
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