Is it ever a good idea to date a friend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Is it ever a good idea to date a friend?
5
Sun, 04-01-2007 - 12:24am
Though I realize that friendship should be the basis of any relationship, is it ever a good idea to date a friend? A very good friend recently explained that he had feelings for me that go beyond the friendship we've established for the last few years. He's sweet, caring, and all those things that I would like in someone, but I don't think that I am attracted to him in that way. Maybe I am just being a little close-minded about this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 12:01am
I am not sure what to say to that. I have had female friends who I wanted to be more than a friend to, but they never wanted it, and their answer was that they did not want to mess things up and if the relationship failed, then they always felt that the friendship would go right out the window. Unless he has come out and told you he would like to be with you, and has been honest about it in addition to not just saying, but proving he wants to be with you, I would not bank on it. A relationship is something not worth getting into just because they are good friends. There has to be a lot more than that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 10:47am
Being attracted to the other person in a romantic kind of way is extremely important to a romantic relationship. Sure, they might be ALMOST everything you would want in a significant other, but I recommend not forcing something where there otherwise would not be anything. Sounds like the two of you would be better off as just friends.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Mon, 04-02-2007 - 2:25pm

>>>Being attracted to the other person in a romantic kind of way is extremely important to a romantic relationship. Sure, they might be ALMOST everything you would want in a significant other, but I recommend not forcing something where there otherwise would not be anything. Sounds like the two of you would be better off as just friends.<<<

That's nonsense.

Isn't he good to you? Hasn't he been there for you? The LEAST you could do is pay him back by giving him a chance to be with you, even for a little bit.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2006
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 11:21am
What I said is not nonsense. She is not obligated to do anything. She has already been a good friend right back to him, she doesn't owe him anything extra. If he can't handle the fact that it might not happen between them, then he needs to get going. But if she's not attracted to him in that way, then too bad, that's the way it is. Yeah, she could give it a try, but that's up to her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2006
Fri, 04-06-2007 - 8:06pm
Thanks for all of your messages. I've decided to not pursue the relationship. Now we're in a very odd dance of trying to be friends, while this is out there. If anyone has recs on how to deal with that, feel free to pitch in. Thank you.