Is it Hopeless for us the over 50 Crowd !!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Is it Hopeless for us the over 50 Crowd !!!!
11
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 12:58pm

So omg I just turned 60 and feeling like dating now has become hopeless or even finding someone decent... I get some messages now from dating sites from young men and old men but they either ghost are scams or appear very strange..........I have my age on there and a man who is like 72 with no pic wants to meet me.. is this what happens now? LOL

My BFF that I knew as a kid who now lives in Florida is married . She is my age and her husbsand is 75.... they live in a huge retirement village called the Villages. They have been there for many years.. She is happy there and has a nice life... She calls me here and there and says well now that you are 60 its pretty hopeless finding a mate so the best thing to do is move to a retirement home and be with your peers and have fun and all of that.. Blah blah blah!!! Wow that really felt like a kick in the face......but maybe she is right..I still have no job, limited income and opportunities are less and less................Maybe I am being delusional about it all.......and should move to a retirement village.. but I tried living in Florida for a bit but I didnt like it but it was under different circumstances..

So you over 50 crowd or anyone who would like to share thoughts??? There are some of these retirement places in NY but not many....and they are in isolated places.. well what do you guys think?? Is it time to give up on the dating scene and try something else???? Hey remember Marina would say lets all get into an RV and travel around country.. If I had people to do that with I would do it...

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

I think we all get hopeless and tired of looking, so perhaps you just need to take a little break and sit on the bench for a while. I don't think there is a magic age that you reach when you "officially give up." I'm about to turn 60 myself, and I haven't given up, and doubt I ever will. I too am back online--you just have to ignore the ones you aren't interested in. They're going to contact you no matter what age you specifiy.

Personally, I don't want to move to a retirement community--ever. But that's me. It's not that moving there would mean "giving up", you could certainly chase the few bachelors there. Just because your friend is living in one and is happy with her much-older husband doesn't mean you should do the same thing. And what a lousy friend telling you it's pretty hopeless. Geez. With friends like that.

However, I have read of a trend of older single women moving in together, kind of like "Golden Girls." I think that could be a good thing to stave off loneliness and defray expenses. And you could still go clubbing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

I know what you mean but I just kind of stay on the free sites and never really look around on them.These guys write to me so I believe I have been on the bench so to speak LOL.... oh; maybe when I told my friend I was on dating sites she thought I should give those up and go and live in a retirement village and forget the dating scene altogether.

I would agree with you though on it all..... We could meet someone at any age but I think at some point like we always talk about do we just give up and not even think look or go on the sites or ask whomever to set us up? LOL..

Like here is an example.. I just saw speed dating which alot of us dont like but the ages were up like 58-65 for women so atleast there are still options open.... and you  know what we baby boomers are living longer and there are way more of us so yes there could still be hope LOL

I love love love the idea of Golden Girls thing instead of the retirement village..... actually I tried to find other women my age for this but so far it didnt pan out but I should keep looking into that. I do know a woman about 50 who leads a meet up group who said she would love to find a nice apt. with me so we have been looking .... But I was thinking maybe three woman renting a really nice house and yes helping each other out.. I def. love that idea.. food for thought again.

oh; and when I did look at retirement places the people were more like 80 or 90 than 60....

thank  you

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-24-2014 - 9:04pm

Yeah, I think we are a little too young for the retirement villages (esp. since I'll be working at least 10 more years).  I know there are over 55 communities that look very nice that are like condo places and I don't think I'd mind living there.  There are always pros and cons.  It might be a nice place but I don't necessarily like the idea of segregating a community by age.  I don't mind having kids around but some older people don't like the noise.

As far as giving up, I think I've given up on making much of an effort to meet someone but I still hope to do so.  I surely don't think there is an age where you are too old, as I see really old people who still meet & fall in love and I thinking of some of my relatives here.  My uncle, who is 86 I think, got a GF a few years ago--he was over 80 when his 2nd wife died.  Now his GF is younger than he is so maybe she is only 75, I don't know.  But I think his 2nd wife, who he met after he was retired, was older than him.  And then last weekend I was with a woman who was 73 who has a live in BF--I don't know when they met but she told me she was divorced twice before she met this guy.  

But I do have to say that of the group of women I hang out with regularly, who are mostly in the 50's (one is 46 and one is 66) no one is dating that much.  My friend M is 59, but looks younger and occasionally she'll get asked out, but no one she really likes.  Then C is 58 and very cute and her uncle and aunt fixed her up with one guy they knew, but they are long distance and he seems to be busy with a lot of family problems--oh and she has another guy who likes her but she only likes him as a friend.  The rest of us are just hanging in there and not dating, oh except my one friend who is 52 and met a younger guy (she lied about her age) in a club and they are practically engaged!  Sorry for all the rambling, it's like stream of consciousness writing here.

For me, I have just had so much bad luck in the dating scene--which means no luck at all in getting anyone I like to date me--that I just don't feel like putting any effort into it.  I keep going out & doing things and if I met someone at a dance who asked me out, then I'd go, but if I'm not going to get dates anyway, then I feel like why bother?  I just can't make myself contact anyone on OLD any more.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010

  Become aggressive.  The shy guys too do not believe that anyone wants them.  Being liked is very powerful being desired is the ultimate.  Be aggressive and assertive you can win but not if you play by the rules that were operant when you were 30!

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006

You're only 60yrs old.That's not old at all. Do you have any single friends whom you can go out with..like to a nice club to go dance?You don't want to go to a retirement community.You're too young for that. Also the unemployment thing...well do you have your own personal computer? Have you tried some of the work from home forums online that have lots of job leads...they're work from home so you wouldn't have to worry about spending any money. Your friend who's married...well she is lucky.I don't get it with some guys when it comes to online dating.I mean you NEED to have a photo of yourself so people can see whom they're talking to..Online dating is NOT blind dating...that's something I would NEVER do...and you shouldn't either. Have you tried that online dating site..I believe it's called over 50 or something like that. Put in your profile that you will ONLY talk to those that have a photo to view..Period! It isn't hopeless...it just seems that way living in this day and age. Good luck.I hope you find someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010

Ladies-

Hi. Dating when older is definitely a pain, but remember it ain't over till its over. In the news recently, I read of an 85 year old woman getting married for the first time. I personally know a woman in my synagogue who got married for the first time at age 59 to a younger man. While her husband literally could be mistaken for a troll under a bridge, they have been married almost 10 years. So, hang in there and don't give up---even when things look pretty bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-29-2014 - 10:49pm

Trenner, your reply would have given us more hope if you had omitted the fact that your friend's DH looked like a troll!  lol  So that is what we have to look forward to?   I could probably have a BF now if I didn't mind dating a man who is about 75 and 5 ft. tall.  He's a guy from my dance school and he's actually very nice, smart, plays the piano like I do, but I am not attracted to him at all and he's just way too old!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Wed, 04-30-2014 - 12:57pm

I didnt mean to say retirement home like over the hill retirement home.. Just thinking that baby boomers are living longer so thinking the retirement villages have more of a crowd my age but they dont really have alot of those places where I live so moving to another state was thinking could be an option..

Not that giving up is the way to go and not talking about totally giving up  but just thinking finding alternatives instead of wishing and hoping someone might come along......Not sure what the alternatives could be at this point other than renting an RV and traveling around the country or finding a golden girls type situation or turning lesbian or renting a big house and getting a bunch of cats.. LOL

Anyway; I do meet up groups and I have some friends so that isnt the issue . I can have a very good social life if I choose that but I sort of keep it middle of the road.. Not really into the club scene much anymore but I do go out and dance and check out local bands once in awhile... That is the part that upsets me like everyone else.... Just sick and tired of planning and prepping and finding things to do and going out and all of that.......... I am so tired of that scene.. Be it with friends or meet up scene or whatever I dont feel like being part of that scene anymore....................Been doing that for years and it would be nice to date someone or hang out with someone or something...............you guys know what I mean.

WEll I  could always join monk monastery or just stay at home and being a recluse... I was actually thinking that could be another choice... Since I have limited family ,no grandkids and no really close friends being a recluse might be the way to go ....atleast for now..

as far as the income thing I have tried work at home but they didnt pan out................MOney isnt a huge problem right now but just would like some extra cash coming in.........so keep looking for that.

thanks everyone

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Wed, 04-30-2014 - 4:17pm

musiclover12 wrote:
<p>Trenner, your reply would have given us more hope if you had omitted the fact that your friend's DH looked like a troll!  lol  So that is what we have to look forward to?  </p>

Musiclover

Hi. I should have mentioned that she was no hottie either. So, yes, her example should give hope to older single women.

Avatar for Kendahke1
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2012

You do have to be extremely careful with online dating because of "catfish".  I was contacted by one, but I was able to lay a trap and catch him out.

He stole pictures of a man from Moscow and made up a whole ficticious life. I found the real guy in the pictures that were sent to me on Facebook after about 3 days of intense investigation (and thanks to image search apps).  Seems there were about 3 profiles using this man's pictures, none of them were him.

Apparently, catfish prey on women ages 50+ because they think we have money and are desperate for love.  I think that love can be found in our age group (I'm 54), but you have to be extremely cautious, especially online.

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