Is it Me or just a vent and would like feedback!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Is it Me or just a vent and would like feedback!!!
7
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 8:05pm

Hi everyone;

I am going to try and say something on here but it will be tough to convey it like I want because its a message board but will try.. First off I had a really good time at my brothers party. I got home late and I woke up late today... Anyway;; My sister and her boyfriend were downstairs all day cleaning and whatever she does. She has OCD and tells him what chores to do and he does them.. He is like a puppy dog and does whatever she says and she commands whatever she needs done.. when he is here I try not to come out of my room because its awkard so I basically just go downstairs to eat and go to bathroom... So as I was sitting in my room sis just opens the door and says to me right now in this moment go outside and take your box that is near the shed and throw it out or do something with it.. Now that box got went in the Hurricane and yes I did need to empty it and all but it was so cold outside and I was tired and not in the mood right there and then so I snapped and told her to stop bossing me around.. I said I would get to it when I wasnt so tired and all.. She didnt like that and commanded me to get the box.. So I snapped again as I went downstairs and started to tell her off.. While I was telling her off her boyfriend chimed in and said some pretty awful nasty put down cut throat things to me.. Like you should be greatful and thankful and do what your sister tells you because in my opinion I dontknow why she doesnt kick you out.. He thus contunued on his rant to me and very disrespectful and I gave it back to him..

Now I dont think its appropriate for him to say these things but its not entirely his fault.. Sis tells him things about our family and the family dynamics and dysfunction and she even tells him how much rent I pay her.. She tells him I sit around all day and eat bon bons and watch soap operas in wh ich case I dont but even if I did its none of his business what I do.. Then he also made a remark like you are on facebook.. I said so what is that to you.. Then I said some nasty things like I didnt have a charmed life and got to live with my mommy for twenty year and save all of my money and never have a wife or family and have to have responsibility.. I guess you are lucky as you skate through life.. You have no clue who I am and what I do.. Anyway; this went around in a circle with yelling and fighting.. I told my sis I would love to so get out of this place asap but getting a job is very difficult as I am trying so hard and getting an apt. that is affordable is really hard. These are true cold harsh realities and I am trying so hard.. Her boyfriend said I was lying and I am n ot. but then again who is he?? I told him I hope that Karma doesnt bite you in the butt and that one day you will be old with no job and mommy will be dead an dthen what will you do??

I know I shouldnt have engaged in this but I snapped and so sick of both of them and their nonsense and thinking they are better than everyone else.

Trust me everyone if I could get out of sis's house asap I would but renting a room in another crazy house doesnt appeal to me and so I have to wait for an apt. that I can afford. Its either that or living in my car or a hotel and they are very pricey and with Hurricane Sandy now many people are out of places to live and its hard.. I might serioulsy have to move to another state but I dont want to because of my son is here and his gfriend and my brother and that crowd and I still enjoy them.

I think about doing something stupid but now sure if I really could.

thanks for letting me vent.. Please be kind..

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

Well I definitely think it was not your sister's BF's business to give his opinion on what you should be doing--he hasn't been dating her for that long so he doesn't really know what is going on.  You do pay her rent, so you're not freeloading, plus I'm sure you helped w/ your mother before she went in the hospital too.  Then when you were displaced by hurricane Sandy, she wasn't caring too much about what was happening w/ you & your mom.  I do hope you find a job & apt. soon so you won't have to deal with her any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

Yes and thank you Music.. I so needed that validation...

Its true that when my mom is here I take care of her and do her stuff and cart her around and all.. and yes when the hurricane hit I took mom to a  hotel and paid out 400 out of my own pocket.. I could have had her and I in a high school shelter but she probably would have died that day in a shelter.. I am not saying I am great but these are the truths and no one even cared about any of it..

I do pay rent and buy all of my own stuff and groceries for me and the house.. Apparantely her boyfriend doesnt think its enough but I guess he wants to see me living in my car.. I was thinking maybe he is jealous of me but for what reason...

Yes; I send out notices and applications and all for jobs and apts. everyday.. I  am hoping and praying something hits soon or I dont know what I will do..

thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005

Of course you can vent, that's what the board is here for-

Putting the boyfriend completely aside, it sounds like you and your sister might need to have a conversation between the two of you to clarify things.  Things like what she expects in terms of household tasks, and what you expect as to privacy.  You might also talk about the time frame for living there.  I know it's very tough to move right now, but you would at least know what she is thinking in terms of whether she wants you to move within a year, let's say.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

We have talked about what is expected and most of the time Its me just cleaning up and doing some chores which is no big deal and I always do whatever I am supposed to..

Sis does NOT want me to move out nor has she ever asked me to.. I told her I so want to move and I do but . She likes the extra money and the fact that I take care of our mom and her dog and the cat and fish and do stuff around here while she works...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-06-2003
Wed, 01-02-2013 - 7:41am

It's probably just the stress from the holidays that caused this little outburst.  The boyfriend was definitely out of place.  If she is bossing him around he is probably frustrated and when you didn't do what your sister wanted it sparked a nerve with him.

It sounds like you and your sister are taking care of each others needs just fine.  Taking care of an elderly person is very time consuming and you finally got a break and some freedom.  That is probably not going over very well.  With your sister's personality, they have trouble watching someone that isn't doing as much as them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2012

I hope you are feeling better now.  Holidays, family dynamics...who really knows what fans the flame for these kind of fights.  Mr. Boyfriend should have just stayed quiet.  I saw Gov Christie's address on cnn.com today and I CAN NOT believe that there has been no money toward these states.  I have been self-absorbed with the holidays.  I really hope there is some end in sight for you soon. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008

You guys are right.. I didnt realize how much stress we are all under ever since Hurricane Sandy.. I had to evacuate and take care of my 89 year old mom who is now in rehab after suffering a heart attack after the hurricane.. Then dealing with the stress of wondering if the house was still standing and thank God it is okay.. The stress of watching your friends and neighbors and businesses just get washed out to sea.. My doctor and clinic cannot work because the clinic was destroyed and now I have the stress of finding another doctor.. and that isnt easy as I have no insurance and limited funds.. Then the added on stress of looking for an apt. when right now the whole world is because alot of people are still homeless due to the Hurricane ..so the apts. and jobs also are very scarce where I live.. I also am upset because the Hurricane Bill did  not get passed yet and that means the city will not get  money for the spring and summer season and that means so much less stimulating the economy and now the area might become a depressed area and that is depressing. I might as well move to Kansas...

Then I found out that one of my really nice boyfriends from years ago died ... He was the best one that got away and that made me sad and I wished I would have seen him again. I cant believe he died without me saying something to him.. I saw it on facebook and I cried for days..

There is so  much going on and stress right now and yes the holidays didnt help..I have been meditating and doing eft and trying to alleviate the stress but its alot to take on..

thank you everyone