Is it a Men's Market?
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| Mon, 07-09-2007 - 9:20am |
So this has been a running discussion among my friends for a few weeks and I want to know what you all think about your areas.
I've come to the conclusion that at least where I live (MD/DC area) the dating scene is a men's market as they have a "multitude" of options, as many men have told me as far as finding attractive, intelligent, dateable women. Whereas we women are left basically trying to grab whatever is left as there are very few attractive, intelligent, dateable men. In fact, me and my friends have come to the conclusion that we must live in an overwhelmingly unattractive city as we can't seem to find men here that are reasonably attractive. The problem is my city (Baltimore) is high in "ghetto mentality" and most men here like to sport the ghetto, hip hop, thug look which does nothing but detract the professional career-oriented women such as myself and my friends. While there are TONS of beautiful women everywhere, basically chasing down the good ones, who are left with so many options, they needn't choose so they juggle all that they can commitment-free.
So what do you think? Is it a "men's market" where you area? How often you do see attractive men out and about? How often do you see attractive women out and about?
Any other thoughts?

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Hi, I live in New York city, and it's definitely a mens market here. It's almost comical how much easier the dating scene is for men than women. In fact, it's such a known truth, that Time Out NY magazine just had a whole article devoted to the subject, entitled "Attack of the Single Women", and the article stated how in the combined areas of NY City, NJ, and Connecticutt, there are 200,000 more single women than men. I've finally ceased taking my single status personally....with numbers like those, the odds are stacked against me.
Also, I see many more psysically attractive women than men in NYC. I know that beauty is only skin deep, looks will fade and personality counts more...all that...but let's face it, we live in a very shallow world, and looks ARE important to most people, nomatter what they tell you. Very rarely do I see a man that I am very physically attracted to. Very rarely do I meet a guy who I'd want to spend a few hours with (personality wise), never mind get into a relationship and have a future with.
Another thing, even the men in this city who are not what we'd consider good catches, in the personality, looks, financial, mental health department....even THOSE men seem to have no trouble getting dates. The good catches? Either married, gay, or have 85 women chasing after them at any given moment..so it's like why bother worrying about it?
I've taken on a kind of carefree attitude about the whole thing. I have friends who go nuts dating, searching for a good man, wanting it, getting down about it, chasing after men...and in the long run, they remain still remain single...and have exhausted themselves in the process. It's so much easier to lay back and enjoy your life and let whatever is going to happen, happen.
Wow! 200,000 more women! That is crazy! Yeah, if those odds were against me, I think I'd also have a more laid back attitude. Course it could be just that bad here, I just haven't seen the article on it.
I know I've stressed myself silly over dating and I go back and forth between trying and not trying but the bottonline still remains, I want that kind of companionship in my life. But I feel like eventually, I may have to step back and just put these pursuits on the back burner. It really is giving me more stress than I can handle.
ALL of us have been saying this! I feel like it's partially true in Boston, but I find there are just less men open to relationships (of course, I'm 22, so that's a big part of it) and it's hard to actually meet people worth going on a date with. That'll actually give me their number (see my other post!). :) Aside from that, I don't feel like it's THAT lopsided here; when my friends and I go out, we usually have guys chasing after us within about a half hour, depending on where we are. I'm not trying to be full of myself, because as I've said I think it's a lot of guys just looking to get a woman in bed, but they seem a little more eager and...hmm, I'm having a hard time verbalizing this...not desperate, but hopefully you get the picture.
Anyway, my theory is that there are simply more women than men looking to date and/or for a relationship.
>>The problem is my city (Baltimore) is high in "ghetto mentality" and most men here like to sport the ghetto, hip hop, thug look which does nothing but detract the professional career-oriented women such as myself and my friends.
Haha, this is funny. :) It's the last problem I seem to have in college/university-laden Boston, but I grew up in a very similar city...there's a reason I didn't really date until the end of high school/college. :)
I do think it's a men's market, but I'm not sure why.
Edited 7/10/2007 9:24 am ET by elwood1960
It's definitely a men's market here, particularly in my age range (I'm 48 so I date men from late 30s to mid 50s as a rule). The men that my friends and I meet tend to fall into one or more of these three categories:
1. They've done the marriage/kids thing (or they are perennial bachelors) so they are just not interested in any sort of commitment.
2. They are saddled with huge amounts of baggage/personal issues that they haven't dealt with.
3. They are boring (by which I mean they have no zest for life at all--they go to work then go home and watch TV or sit on the computer, for instance, and never or rarely get out and DO anything).
By contrast, most of the single women I meet out and about are fun, outgoing, have diverse interests, have dealt with their issues, and just basically have their act together. The few men who don't fit into one or more of the above categories have their pick of great women and tend to get snapped up in a heartbeat.
Sheri
Ooh I think that is a fair assumption and its the same thing here as far as the single women being accomplished, fun, cultured and emotionally ready.
For my age range 25-35, I notice these distinct choices in dateable men:
1) the partier, even years out of college, these dudes still prioritize their friends over dating and still go out and get drunk nearly every single night. A girl dating them will have to contend with once a week calls or dates and will have to take second seating to his friends who we will be out with every night.
2) the casual sex dude. Usually very attractive, he has no needs for commitment as there are too many beautiful women out here to conquer and even more willing to give him more no-strings-attached benefits. So sex only, no real dating.
3) the nice guys. These are the boring, average looking guys that can barely hold a conversation nor have anything interesting to say.
4) the ugly dudes. Thess guys are probably the best to date since they will actually treat you right if you can get past the plug-ugly appearance.
I guess the reason why I say its a men's market is because women seem so much more stressed about finding a man. One, we have the time issue if we want to have kids and two there definitely are less great men. So we end up scrambling around trying to find one afriad they will run out while many men don't seem to sweat it. They have a lot more time than we do and can date much younger (usually). So the whole dating thing doesn't seem to bother them as much.
When they are ready for something serious, I'd think it's easier to find a woman willing, while finding a willing man...needle in a haystack.
Girl, I know what you mean. But don't give up, he's out there. I found mine after many, many years being by myself. It took a great deal of soul searching to find what I wanted. The men I encountered before I got into my relationship were classic! I had nothing but unavailable men coming up to me all the time and asking me out on dates. Married men, men who were in stable relationships but for some reason were bored with their mates, you name it, they went after me. I was told that this was my fault for attracting unavailable men because of some crazy vibe that I was putting out there unknowingly. Whatever the case, it did little for my self esteem. If it wasn't so sad out there for a single gal, I would've thought the whole experience was comical, but it wasn't.
I was just out and about doing my usual thing and I finally met a great guy out of the blue. I was skeptical of course. I thought he was another married man trying to hit on me, but he was actually single and had noticed me for a while before he had the courage to approach me!
As for the guy that has 85 women chasing him, tell yourself they can have him! I'm sure he's no prize, just another player.
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