It is ok to be single
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| Sat, 06-24-2006 - 5:00pm |
A few days ago I was at my wonderful job, having a normal lunch, when my co-worker; happily married and witness to my dating life, says “you have got to read this!” It was an article written by a 30 something single male explaining the reason he and other men won’t commit is the fault of women. This article made me angry… the slow burn anger that builds until you are standing on your chair, hand fisted, raised in the air like Scarlet O’Hara in Gone with the Wind, defending myself and other single women in our plight against articles such as this. My co-worker, bless her heart, was the receiving end of my vocal ramblings. She finally told me, “Why don’t you write about it?” I thought, “Why not?” So here is my story.
I am 28 - going to be 29 in less then 3 months. I am single, never married and do not have any kids, and not dating any one seriously.
I have a great job that I enjoy going to every morning and even work overtime without having to be asked.
I have a circle of friends that are wonderful to me and me to them. We don’t talk/see every day or even every week – but have the knowledge we are there for each other.
My family is the kind of family with traditions, mostly goofy. I grew up feeling loved and safe. My mother is the biggest influence in my life. She is the one constant, my cheerleader and critic. My “dad” is my step father. He thinks I hung the moon and stars and the thought is mutual.
This is my life in a nutshell. The thought that you are probably having is if I am so normal, run of the mill, why am I writing this and why should you read this. This is to all the singles out there. This is my war cry to let you know, regardless of what you read; it is OK TO BE SINGLE. Yes, I said it! And will say it again. So ladies (and gents) raise yourself up - get on your high heels, soap box, ladder, or stack of self help books - whatever it may be and let the world know it is ok for you to not be married or in a serious relationship.
It is ok for you to live your life in a manner in which you can go to sleep at night. You can choose your career, car, hair color, music for your MP3. You can chose your opinion and voice it with respect and dignity. In my opinion, the articles I am reading now a days is telling us singles out there, that we are single not by our choice, but because there is something wrong with us. That we are some rejects or cast offs. My concern is that we singles, with every wedding, baby shower, and question of “why are you single”, are starting to believe it. So much so, other single men are telling us, single women, it is our entire fault.
So, we women go to the gym, dye our hair, act, wear, and say what we should and our reward is a man. Yes, ladies for all your hard work you get one of your own; a football watching, wing eating, beer drinking, belching, farting, boy funk smelling MAN! Praise to the highest power! Is this the end all be all? In my opinion, NO!
I am not an angry bitter gal because she is single. I am single by choice. I have dated (that is a whole book in itself); I have been in love, even engaged. But at the end of the day, I am single because I chose to be. I love my chick place. I love not having to pick shaving remains out of my bathroom sink. I love eating cereal for dinner if I don’t feel like cooking. The only reason I exercise because I feel better afterward. I live my life the way I want to. My wish and hope for other single women out there is to realize it is ok to be single. IT IS OK FOR YOU TO CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE.
My wish for the single men out there is to get real. I do not want every man to take a sensitivity course and sing while holding hands. It is great that you are that football watching, wing eating, beer drinking, belching, farting, boy funk smelling man. That is the way you were programmed. Just man up and take the responsibility that if you are single, it is all your own reasons. It is ok for you to be single. IT IS OK FOR YOU TO CHOOSE TO BE SINGLE.
And for those “dating experts” out there, I read your articles. I respect your advice and opinions. But please try to remember as you are spouting off your great knowledge to all those single readers out there; there is nothing wrong with us. We are the ones that can sleep in late, leave our towels on the floor, walk out the door with out making our beds or shaving our legs. We are the ones that can flirt with the bartender, postman, or guy next door and sleep well that night. Sometimes, after listening to a married friend complain about their spouse, I think single life is what it is all about.
So don’t pity us single women and sure as the day is long don’t blame us. We have the world in our hands…

Regarding the article where the man blames the women that men won't commit because of women, what exactly was his reasoning.
Your right, it okay to be single. People don't need to be married or in a relationship to be happy. They also don't need to be single to be happy. Regrdless if were single or not, it's put attitudes and perceptions, we are what we believe we are.
As far as these articles go, take them with a grain of salt. Some people write this crap when their bitter and they base it on THEIR life experiences. I also see articles on here about how to get a guy to propose, or how to make your man happy, ot ten things guys don't like in woman, etc. I hope you diregard that that stuff, becasue it only conditions your mind to see things that aren't always true. If you ever want a guy, my advice is to treat him they way you would like to be treated.
I am single and I am happy to be single, but if a lady came along (I'm a guy BTW) that sparked my interest and she was interested I'm give up being single in a heartbeat.
Dearest Twoscoops76;
I wanted to post my original message to the singles out there who read these articles that you and I have both mentioned to relax and know it is ok to be themselves (and being single is included in that.) I can read these articles and laugh at a good portion of them, but this latest and not so greatest bothered me mostly because I believe in ownership of actions, words, and feelings. In my opinion of the article, this guy did not own up to his own reasons for being single - and worse, turning it around to women. He named 10 reasons….things women do and don’t do. I think there was even a comment in the article “But if single women would just take a few of these helpful suggestions into consideration, we could change the world.” We women have enough to worry about without throwing his issues and blanketed statements of the way men feel on us. I am concerned for other women out there that think they have to fix/change/correct themselves so much they don’t believe what they say or do just to make a man happy.
You are correct in stating a good portion of these articles are based on their experiences. But there is a way of going about sharing without blaming. Take this also into consideration – there are reality TV shows currently airing based on the premise of single women finding love. They are “teaching” women how to change their behavior and thought process with the final goal of obtaining a man. Where are the shows with the roles reversed? Who is teaching men how to find love? Or even this one – are men even looking? Cause if you are not, what is the world are these women that are looking going to find?
I believe in love, marriage, babies, and the house with a white picket fence – but until the right guy comes along, I am ok being single. I am embracing it and loving it. And other singles out there need to know it is ok, regardless of how many times Aunt Bertha says “oh honey, I know you will find someone some day.” Thanks Auntie
You are correct in stating a good portion of these articles are based on their experiences. But there is a way of going about sharing without blaming. Take this also into consideration – there are reality TV shows currently airing based on the premise of single women finding love. They are “teaching” women how to change their behavior and thought process with the final goal of obtaining a man. Where are the shows with the roles reversed? Who is teaching men how to find love? Or even this one – are men even looking? Cause if you are not, what is the world are these women that are looking going to find?
Like you, I believe it is ridiculous to blame women, especially all of them becuase of this guy's experience. I would hope that women don't view these shows as accurate or truth for that matter. I really don't need a show to tell me on how to find love, I KNOW what I want and I know what I'm looking for. Things mostly seem to be about sex today, and I really don't want to follow the norm. If it means waiting until I find what I'm searching for I will wait and be happy as a single. Yes men are looking for love, not all of them, just like not all women are looking. It is tough out there these days that's for sure. I am old school when it comes to dating and I really don'tcare for the "rules" today. If you want to find love, it is not always a feeling but a selfless act. It is easy to spot out but yet seems so rare to find.
Great manifesto, jblueeyes! Well done!