Is it perverted that I'm only attracted to guys that are still in High School or look flawlessly youthful?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012
Is it perverted that I'm only attracted to guys that are still in High School or look flawlessly youthful?
21
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 3:06am

I'm 26 years old and when I hear women call their boyfriend their "man" I am dumbfounded that any women would find grown men attractive, I don't know why I am this way, I was never abused or anything but the idea of men just always grossed me out for as far back as my memory goes, but one way in which I feel blessed is that hardly anyone who first meets me believes I am my age, most people think I am between 15 and 17 and I am very attractive. I am bisexual and am not nearly as particular about women, all women attract me regardless age if they are beautiful, but when it comes to guys I sort of feel as if I am stuck in my youth in a way, the idea of the freshness and fragility in boys awes me so much that to even think about it could make me burst into tears. For example, I work as a hostess at Granite City and several nights ago a boy walked in who was probably about 17 and ordered to go and while he was waiting I casually asked him what brought him out tonight and he told me that they had just picked up his younger sister who is in elementary school from dance lessons and I had to go to the bathroom and lock the door because I was overcome with emotion and as soon as I got there my tears immediately turned to gasps and I was uncontrollably hyperventilating curled into a ball in the corner because the idea of having a boy like that still in school with a younger sister touched me so much and felt so beautiful that I couldn't stand the idea that it cannot be reality. Is this normal? Does anyone else feel this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I think becoming emotionally overcome just because a teenager told you he had a younger sister is very bizarre.  My Dd is 23 and I can't imagine that she would be interested at all in a high school boy--she definitely prefers boys around her own age.  I do think there is something psychological going on where you find the idea of men your own age gross--are you sure you're not really just lesbian but don't want to say it and that's why you think men are gross?  Young boys could look more feminine--I mean even in high school there are different types of boys, there are the big jock types who might look older and there are the more youthful delicate looking guys.  Since you are over 21, you really need to stay away from young boys--first of all you could be considered as raping someone if you have sex w/ a boy who is younger than the age of consent, and also do you really want to go out w/ a boy who's not old enough to drink?  Pretty much everybody (except her) thought it was wierd and not going to last that Taylor Swift was dating the Kennedy boy who was still in high school--I mean there she is, a rich working woman, and how does she think it's going to work out w/ a boy who has to say in & do homework and can't go out to a bar with her?  I really think you should explore these issues in therapy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012

"are you sure you're not really just lesbian but don't want to say it and that's why you think men are gross?"

No, and just as a friendly reminder I do find this question somewhat insulting. I am attracted to guys, very much so, just not the grown ones. I find this weird about myself too, to this day I don't know why I am this way but like I also said that because of this I feel in a way like I'm somehow stuck in my youth, like I have the emotional responses to situations like this of that of someone much younger, and because of that I honestly don't see much if anything wrong with having a relationship with a boy as young as 17 (and yes as for your comment about the jocks and feminine looking ones, I'm not attracted to all boys that are still in high school, only the ones that look youthful), like I said very few people who first meet me believe I am my age and when it comes to guys I feel like I am emotionally stunted.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
I think it's fairly natural to be attracted to someone who is by most standards "too young". However, to find yourself overcome with emotion and curled up in a fetal position in a public restroom, as a result, is a little over the top.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
I think there is a huge difference between recognizing a boy under the age of consent is attractive and actually pursuing a boy under the age of consent. If you were just experiencing the former I'd say it wasn't a big deal, but you're definitely past that (and hopefully haven't acted on the latter) considering the hyperventilating, fetal position, and overall extreme emotional response to a situation that didn't even warrant it. I think the best thing about this situation is that you recognize that your behavior is unusual and that you aren't sure why you feel the way you do, therefore it is time to explore this with a qualified therapist. And just as an fyi, there are plenty of grown men who look very youthful much like you yourself are a grown woman and look very youthful. So if it turns out that the attraction is just about youthful features then it is entirely possible for you to find an adult male that is physically appealing.
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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
It is not that unusual. Many women like young looking males. The real problem is that in the current sexual climate the laws are very strict. Yesteryear :for instance in the 60's it would be standard as the ideal of male beauty was slim young looking(and young) males. There are such over the age of consent. Right now though you are living in the age of Political Correctness where there are punishments for being out of step. However, what is your sexual interest? Many people are bisexual. That is not new. But have you acted on any on these or is this a fantasy. Is it that you are in a small town where there is not as much diversity? Perhaps moving to a more sophisticated city would be effective as there would be more people who are attractive to you. And I understand how it is to be younger than your age looking I went thru that too. As did my mother (her age was guessed at 24 when she actually was 44)

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012

As of present I am single so I guess you could say it's a fantasy but I'm not real sure what to call it, but if an opportunity presented its self to enter a relationship with a younger boy I can tell you that resisting it would be like lifting a 500 pound boulder. I am flattered that both you and your mom went through having been guessed as much younger, and not only might I look much younger but I feel it too, and I am also touched by the idea of being the first time of an innocent young boy who has never experienced it before, I just feel like as long as the older woman is mentally young herself (as I feel I am) and is beautiful then there is nothing perverted or debased about it but just beauty.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

That's a nice fantasy but the reality is sometimes different.  It used to be thought that if a young guy had the opportunity to have sex with an older woman that he was lucky whereas if it was a young girl and an older man, that would be considered bad, the guy taking advantage of her innocence, etc.  My exH was a teenager who had a very long affair w/ his high school teacher.  I guess she was pretty young--maybe just out of college, not like it was a 40 yr old.  I really think it left him w/ a lot of emotional scars even though it seems like she cared for him. 

I didn't mean to offend you by asking whether you were really bisexual.  My son is gay and he started off by saying he was bi because he thought that would be easier for the parents to take--he said that a lot of kids will do that.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012

Don't worry about offending me, you are forgiven. I am sorry about any pain the affair may have caused your exH but at the same time I feel happy for him for any bliss that might have lasted as long as the affair did. Can I ask how it started and how long it lasted? If you don't want to say I totally understand.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

He was kind of sketchy on details but it seemed to last for quite a while.  He told me things like she co-signed a loan so he could buy a car, they used to go away on weekends together and basically he spent weekends at her house.  His father was abusive so was probably glad just to have him out of the house.  I have a 17 yr old son & can't imagine him just leaving for the weekend w/o telling me where he was going.  I think that because of the bad parenting, my ex was kind of starved for affection & here was a woman who was giving it to him.  But it ended up being awkward too because then he wanted to do things like date & go to the prom w/ girls in his own class and I think the teacher got kind of jealous. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012
Well I'm sorry to hear about his father, it pains me just to know that people are capable of being that way. I know that it is widely frowned upon for a teenage boy to be romantically involved with an older woman, and I can see why in how it's widely stereotyped that older women are "mature" but if I were to date a younger boy I just can't express how good I would be to him, and like I said because I feel I am emotionally stunted in a way, thus I would be able to relate to him, I don't see anything wrong with it.

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