Is it perverted that I'm only attracted to guys that are still in High School or look flawlessly youthful?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012
Is it perverted that I'm only attracted to guys that are still in High School or look flawlessly youthful?
21
Fri, 11-30-2012 - 3:06am

I'm 26 years old and when I hear women call their boyfriend their "man" I am dumbfounded that any women would find grown men attractive, I don't know why I am this way, I was never abused or anything but the idea of men just always grossed me out for as far back as my memory goes, but one way in which I feel blessed is that hardly anyone who first meets me believes I am my age, most people think I am between 15 and 17 and I am very attractive. I am bisexual and am not nearly as particular about women, all women attract me regardless age if they are beautiful, but when it comes to guys I sort of feel as if I am stuck in my youth in a way, the idea of the freshness and fragility in boys awes me so much that to even think about it could make me burst into tears. For example, I work as a hostess at Granite City and several nights ago a boy walked in who was probably about 17 and ordered to go and while he was waiting I casually asked him what brought him out tonight and he told me that they had just picked up his younger sister who is in elementary school from dance lessons and I had to go to the bathroom and lock the door because I was overcome with emotion and as soon as I got there my tears immediately turned to gasps and I was uncontrollably hyperventilating curled into a ball in the corner because the idea of having a boy like that still in school with a younger sister touched me so much and felt so beautiful that I couldn't stand the idea that it cannot be reality. Is this normal? Does anyone else feel this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005

maybe those youthful guys make you feel youthful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
  • MusicLover,
  • Homosexuality is interesting but bisexuality is even more puzzling.

I know a seasoned child psychiatrist (who is also very open minded so I don't think his understanding is biased) who told me that when someone tells you they are bisexual, they're actually gay.  Such person is not quite comfortable with his/her sexual orientation. they may say they're bisexual to soften the outing (like your son) or he may not know himself. In today's fairly tolerant climate on homosexuality, there's still a lot of discomfort and stigma attached to it. Many of these people don't even know themselves b/c it's so repressed. It may take years for such a person to know their real orientation.

It's true that sexual orientation is hardwired but there's a large body of evidence that support early experiences contribute as well but that's another lengthy and complicated subject.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006

This is not normal (to be attracted to underage boys when you're an adult).  I don't know what makes you like this w/o knowing your history.  People are attracted to a certain type b/c of their past sexual experiences. did you have a very positive sexual experience with the youthful type or an underage boy?  It's not unlike grown men who are attracted to underage girls or boys for that matter. Much of our sexual wiring roots in early interactions.  I haven't studied pedophelia (or bisexuality) indepth to be able to explain it.

I prefer older men but I don't exclusively date older men. I can be attracted to a much younger man but not definately an underage boy. Realistically though, I just don't see myself with a man, say in his 20's b/c there's such a wide gap in maturity and life experiences. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012

I'm not solely interested in guys that are under 18, even if a guy was over 18 and he looked flawlessly youthful I would be open to him, I think the youngest I could possibly see myself being open to is 17, maybe 16, any younger that that I would probably feel awkward knowing that they're too young.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009

jasmine_rand wrote:
<p>...and as long as an older woman is partly emotionally stunted and flawlessly youthful looking ...the idea of her being a companion of both romantic and like a mother figure is one of the most beautiful forms of love out there, and too many people just turn away from the positive aspect and just shrug it off as something wrong and unnatural.</p>

A healthy adult woman is not both emotionally stunted and acting as a romantic partner/mother figure to an underage teenage boy.  A healthy adult woman should be emotionally mature and desiring a healthy adult romantic partner that is also emotionally mature.  If they both happen to physically appear much younger than their ages then so be it.

It seems like you're fixated on pursuing a much younger man regardless, so why not go for one who is 18 and avoid any potential legal issues?  Trust me an 18 year old guy is just as immature, youthful looking, and happy to blur the mother figure/romance lines as a 16 or 17 year old guy.

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Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006

Sweetheart, you're really pulling our leg here aren't you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999

I can guarantee you that the boy's mother won't think this is a great idea.   Getting past the legality of it all, say the boy is of the age of consent.  Ok I have a 17 yr old boy (he's gay but let's pretend he isn't).  He's in high school.  He has to do homework.  He still has a curfew--can't legally drive after midnight.  I surely don't want him drinking alcohol or in situations with older people that he can't handle.  So assume that you're willing to forego drinking alcohol.  I suppose you could do kind of innocent things like go to the movies or bowling but there's still the sex thing.  Yes, plenty of high school kids are having sex with each other.  But a kid who might not have sex w/ a high school girlfriend (maybe she wants to wait) would probably feel implied pressure (even if you didn't say it explicitly) to have sex w/ an older woman who is experienced.  And I think there would be emotional fall out--at 16 or 17 a kid (and that's what they really are) should be thinking about his future--like what is he going to do after high school.  There is such a huge difference in maturity between a 17 yr old and say a 23 yr old (those are the ages of my kids so I can use them as examples).  If you feel that at 26 you have the same level of maturity as a high school student (you keep using the word stunted) then I think that you should be working on yourself to become more mature because you shouldn't be emotionally stunted--it's not good for you.  You should be capable of having a relationship w/ a man or woman in your own age group. 

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Well, the law disagrees with you on that. I don't know about where you live, but here 17 is the age of consent. If you slept with a teen younger than that, it's breaking the law. It doesn't really matter that you think once someone is a teen they are old enough. The law (and research) says that they are not old enough to make that decision. I still think you need to seek professional help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012

"It's one thing to find younger men attractive, but it's something completely different to sleep with someone too young to consent."

   - I absolutely couldn't agree with you more on that but I think of "too young to consent" as children rather than teens, I think of teenhood as a state of maturity halfway between childhood and the independence capacity of adulthood, essentially already in adulthood but with a great deal of childhood still left in their hormones, and I am just awed by that, it just seems like a miracle that a state in maturation like that can actually exist, and as long as an older woman is partly emotionally stunted and flawlessly youthful looking (as I am blessed to be) then I just find the idea of her being a companion of both romantic and like a mother figure is one of the most beautiful forms of love out there, and too many people just turn away from the positive aspect and just shrug it off as something wrong and unnatural.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2012

"It's one thing to find younger men attractive, but it's something completely different to sleep with someone too young to consent."

   - I absolutely couldn't agree with you more on that but I think of "too young to consent" as children rather than teens, I think of teenhood as a state of maturity halfway between childhood and the independence capacity of adulthood, essentially already in adulthood but with a great deal of childhood still left in their hormones, and I am just awed by that, it just seems like a miracle that a state in maturation like that can actually exist, and as long as an older woman is partly emotionally stunted and flawlessly youthful looking (as I am blessed to be) then I just find the idea of her being a companion of both romantic and like a mother figure is one of the most beautiful forms of love out there, and too many people just turn away from the positive aspect and just shrug it off as something wrong and unnatural.

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