It seems I have got myself into a jam...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
It seems I have got myself into a jam...
2
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 2:55pm
I'm new to this board and sitting at work right now as I write this, I have got myself into a bit of a situation. I am 24 and working at my dad's company for the summer. I broke up with my boyfriend 3 months ago and have been enjoying being single, but I always get really promiscuous and enjoy getting into trouble. It seems a really hot guy is works here and after short work in two weeks I had told him I thought he was hot and he told me that he thought the same of me and I had been driving him crazy. Problem #1 he's got a girlfriend (I am not writing on here for a lecture about why cheating is wrong, I know and I feel badly about it and have resolved to avoid this situation in the future). Problem #2 he works for my dad. So we've been sleeping together now, but it's so great the sex is awesome it's all so great casual and low maintenance, his relationship isn't working out and his relationships have all overlapped each other for the last few he's been in and I guess that really doesn't matter. I am not interested in anything serious so it's not one of those "If you go out with him what makes you think he won't cheat on you?" type of things. Here's the dilemma though we were talking the other night and he said that he didn't know how much longer this would go on, (he's said that in the past though and it doesn't materialize) he seems to be jumping between saying his relationship isn't working and then he talks about sticking with it. I realize that I will feel somewhat disappointed when this ends as we get along so well and hanging out is the best, SO do I call things off now to hedge my bets to avoid things bigger disappointment shortly, or do I continue to go along with it hope he dumps his girlfriend and will continue to see me casually for fun on the side? I know logically I should end it, but is there anything to be said for just enjoying it while it lasts? Which will also create bigger problems as the working for my dad's company thing might become a problem? People I know seem to think given his past that he is going to break up with his girlfriend and will continue to see me. He said last time how awesome everything is and if he was single and unattached it would be perfect, but he is always talking about how his relationship isn't working anymore but he's just having difficulty doing what needs to be done. If I should just end it now that would be fine with me as I don't have any strong feelings for him. Do you think it's possible to continue to see someone and sleep with them on a regular basis without ever developing feelings for one another?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 07-28-2003 - 6:23pm
Flawed premise one - you are calling this casual sex interaction a "relationship" - sexual relations is part of a relationship but just because you're having sex doesn't make it a "relationship" - so your questions that pertain to people in a relationship are irrelevant.

I think some people can have sex without emotion. I cannot and I know of few examples where two people both can have sex with each other with no feelings developing - someone usually gets hurt. but, given your attitude towards sex there is no point in focusing on your feelings or whether they will develop - rather focus on how you are protecting yourself against STD's (since he is clearly allowed to have sex with others and probably is) and pregnancy (no use subjecting a child to this and an abortion is not fun - have never had one but did have a d&c for a different problem - not fun).

Also, I would be careful - screwing around when it's your daddy's company is one thing - he's not going to fire you - but will you really be able to differentiate if you get a job that doesn't include daddy as your buffer? Sex and the workplace - complicated stuff.

So - no lecture - what's the point - you two are just in it for the fun. But please don't label it as a relationship in the sense you are - that I find a little presumptuous especially for those of us who are in, or have been in relationships that include emotional bonds, trust, true caring and friendship - that's a whole different ball game and one you're clearly not ready for now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Tue, 07-29-2003 - 9:28am
I certainly didn't mean to refer to this as a relationship if I did I apologize as I am surely aware of the difference. I have resolved to call it off this weekend... if not sooner. I suppose I should just accept that sex without emotion over a longer period of time will not happen... at least not for me. Thanks for your thoughts. I suppose I really should get better about the relations at work thing as I have slept with guys from many of the places that I've worked... hmmm... could be a pattern... I'll think about it another time though.

Thank You,