It's hard, trapped, I need some advise
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| Thu, 06-15-2006 - 10:11pm |
Hi, need a little advice. Ok, I come from a real tight knit family. I’m 23 and a Male; I have been living at home with my parents all my life. I feel so trapped for several reasons. My parents over socialize with me. I have friends; but my parents are still overwhelmingly in my life, from beginning, to end of the day there is no escaping. When I try to change my behavior and avoid them , it never works. You can't fully understand it unless you are in it. There is no where to go because I still have a year and a half left on my college degree and I go to a 4 year commuter college. I tried to go away for college a few years ago it was great. I met a lot of friends and was socializing; only for it to end in disaster. They kept calling and calling and giving me a guilt trip (your father is so sick and sad because you went away ect.). My parents are Turkish immigrants and they don’t speak English well and don’t have many friends or family. I spend the weekend watching TV usually with them.. I have a part time job in Engineering firm (sadly all men). To make the problem worse I have been diagnosed with mild social phobia. I don’t meet too many girls at school. I just show up and leave. The only bright spot is they will definitely move to Florida when I graduate to retire. So when I graduate I’ll have a job here locally in Boston while they are in Florida. But, then that leaves me by myself in a empty apartment. Getting in a long term relationship would be good for me. But, the way things have been going I feel progress will only come once they move to Florida. They just won’t let go. Does anyone have any suggestions?

i too come from a tight-knit family, but i'm in my mid-20s. i too still live with my family and my siblings too. i'm always with either my parents, brothers, or my brothers' gfs. i think that since my dad isn't so close to his family (7 bros/sisters) because we are the "less wealthier" families, he always told my siblings and i to stick together. on top of this, being asian and its culture/traditions go a long with it...however, our parents are a lot less stringent then other asian kids i know. my bros and i have contemplated leaving because we want to live our lives without having a parent around, but the cost of living is ridiculous and we are really just too close to even think about move thousands of miles away.
so with your background, it seems like the traditional turkish roots are held strongly within your family. honestly, your "friends" that mocked you about staying home with your parents, hanging out with them too much, etc. probably reflects how distant they are from their own family...their relationship is not as strong as yours. for me, i've had some people ALWAYS questioning me things like...why do you always talk about your brothers? why do you always hang out with your parents/relatives?...well, i'm close to them! and i view them as my friends. don't get me wrong...i DO have friends that are not related, but those friends of mine understand that family is a priority to me.
in regards to your long-term relationship idea, are you even prepared for that? you may just want to start first with hanging out with some friends or making new friends...then start dating. let's suppose you start dating someone without making friends first...if she dumps you...who do you have left to go to other than your parents?
do you have any siblings? if so, do they still live with you and how do they feel?
You need to cut the cord, because they are not going to.
Of course your parents would like for you to be close to them.