It's Not You - 27 (Wrong) Reasons You're Single
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|Sat, 01-18-2014 - 7:55am|
Wow, did I like this book. Sara Eckel, a journalist, wrote a wonderful piece in the NY Times a few years ago on this subject: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/09/25/fashion/sometimes-its-not-you-or-the-math-modern-love.html?pagewanted=all&_r=0
And now she's written a book. It's not an advice book, it's not self help: she simply tells her story and debunks all the myths of why you are single. She was 38 when she met the man who later became her husband, and she had not been in a relationship for 8 years. She writes about her struggle to figure out how she could fix herself so that she could attract a man, but she discovered: there's nothing wrong with her that needs fixing. She just hadn't met the right man. Even though I am 59, I can relate to everything she writes about. And don't let the fact that she did finally get married turn you off to this book. She's far from "smug" about it, and again, she's not telling you how to meet someone: she admits she has no idea.
A sampling of the myths single women hear:
You have issues
You need to be happy alone
You're too picky
You need to put it out to the universe
You are the constant
You're too old
She doesn't mean to imply that you shouldn't participate in self-growth. She benefited a lot from yoga and meditation...but that's not what attracted her future husband. It was mostly luck.
She realizes that her life, even though she didn't have a special man, had meaning and happiness. One of my favorite passages:
"Happiness was there the whole time. The problem was, I was so specific about the type of happiness I wanted that I far too often ruined a good thing. I wanted the sort of happiness that made me feel normal. I wanted romantic love, yes, but I also wanted the security and social status that surrounds it. "
"And I personally have wasted a shocking amount of time making excuses for guys who didn't call me for the simple reason that they didn't want to."
So my fellow singles, stop beating yourself up. Get this book and feel good about yourself for heaven's sake.