Jealous of an ex fling and feeling awful

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2000
Jealous of an ex fling and feeling awful
11
Wed, 11-14-2012 - 9:34am

Hi,
I'm having a bit of a meltdown and I need some good advice.
This winter a met a very hot guy whom I thought I could fall in love with. He gave me butterflies in my stomach and that hadn't happened in years! Unfortunately he turned out to be a womaniser, he wasn't looking for a relationship and he only wanted sex. I told him no and he disappeared. My bubble burst, I was heartbroken and after a couple of month of doubts, of not seeing him,when he looked for me again,I decided to take him for what he was: a fling. If I couldn't have him as a bf at leat I could have fun with him. We had sex 3 times and in the meantime we both had sex with other people. No drama.
I haven't heard from him in the last 2 months but, recently,checking that damn Facebook I noticed a girl, a polish hostess, who posted regularly on his page so I began checking her page. They 've been dating only 1 month. Then she began posting pictures of the 2 of them togheter, all of her friends commented on how gourgeous they were, what a nice couple and so on. When I asked him about it he said that she was "a particular little friend but no engagement" (of course! After just 1 month!)..... Now she posted a pic of the 2 of them kissing and I can't take it. And this is just the beginning! She's obvioulsy in love (and I can't blame her!) but I hate that she's posting all this trophy pics, triumphantly flaunting her catch to the world. He has broken so many hearts and now he's happy, just like that! No regrets, no guilt!

It's not that I'm jealous, I'm envious! I wanted to find love, I wanted to be the one to post pics of the 2 of us togheter. I realize that love is a wonderful thing and I wish them the best but I can't help but wondering when the hell it's going to happen to me. She's 29 and has found happiness with a hot, smart guy who's obviously falling hard for her: I'm almost 38 and I'm growing old alone. I had found him but I wasn't special enough to make him fall for me and now he has found his soulmate while I'm alone and desperate. Why did she have such luck while I'm left wandering alone in the dark?


I feel so sad, I'm crying all the time and taking antidepressants. Cry I'll never find the love of my life,I'm getting old and, even if I'm always out and about, meeting people, I can't find a man to fall in love with. He was the only one who touched my heart but obvioulsy I wasn't enough for him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Fri, 11-16-2012 - 11:35pm

I have to agree with everyone above. Walk away completely. Too many people fall into this trap, unintentionally, of choosing to not listen to the person, and believing things will work out, then getting hurt.

 As a man, i have been on both sides of this. and believe it normally has nothing to do with the person...it just happens. I dated a lady for a year, but at the time i was not ready for anything really serious. I had school, work and many others reasons i could not get seriously commited...after abt 10 mnths she cheated and we broke up. A few months later, a friend who helped get me thru the pain of the break, asked me out, 5 months later we were married... On paper DW was not any much better than my Ex-GF. But the "Click" was there and all of a sudden everything felt right...

I have also been on the opposite side of that equation. Being put in the 'friend zone', then the person dates the next guy that comes along, no matter how bad a match.. think abt it.. most women have someone in the friend zone who probably feels the same way. the only difference is most women don't develop a FWB situation with those guys...

But anyway, back to the point, don't torture yourself by keeping up with what their doing, let it go. Also don't doubt yourself because of it. Just focus on you and your happiness from within

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