Jealousy - when is it too much?
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| Tue, 09-05-2006 - 11:06pm |
Hi everyone.
So, jealousy....when is it too much?
I've been seeing this guy since June. We enjoy each others companies, we make each other laugh all the time, etc, etc. So this guy was married for two years but then got a divorce (and he's been divorced for two years). They divorced because he felt like they were living more like roommates than husband/wife (what does that even mean? does that mean the emotions are still there? anyway...another topic for another time) His ex no longer lives in town, but her parents do. She recently came back in town to visit them and called him to meet up for drinks. He went. He calls me afterwards and says, "You will never believe who I went for drinks with." I got it right on the second guess. He then jokes that they are getting back together and remarrying, at which point I got dead quiet (which is what usually happens when I'm jealous, mad or uncomfortable with a situation). We continued to talk about other things but I was too sad/mad/jealous to be my usual self.
I can be quite the jealous person. But it's not like she was any odd ex-gf, she was his ex-WIFE (I can't possibly compete with that - not that there is any competition, but there is still a level of insecurity)
So, is it valid for me to be jealous? Would you be jealous?
And any pointers on how to overcome jealousy? Sounds silly, but it really eats me up every time and I absolutely hate it!
Thanks for your time & thoughts! Very much appreciated.

Well first of all, I think it was very mean for him to have joked with you about the two of them getting back together. But what he was probably was doing was trying to gage how much you care about him by your response.
As for being jealous, just remind yourself that they are not together and he divorced her for a reason. With that being said, I think you have nothing to worry about, so try to lighten up on the jealously. Usually when you can think rationally about the situation, that tends to help. It's when you let your imagination get the best of you when things get to be too much.
Good luck.
Thanks for your feedback kcol68.
I apologized to him today for acting a little jealous, and said that I had no right to act that way (seeing that we aren't officially a couple). His overall response was this comes with the territory of knowing someone who has been married and divorced. I don't really know what to make of that, but I guess he's right. I can't "punish" him for having a past.
Like you said, I will try to prevent my thoughts/ assumptions get the best of me. :) Thanks!