Jerk Until the Right Women Comes Along?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Jerk Until the Right Women Comes Along?
6
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 8:49am

I've met a really sweet, kind guy that I am currently dating and I was thinking 'Gee, how come there aren't more like him?'. But that made me question, are there really so many as*holes out there or are some guys sweet, kind and considerate to the right women? I just have a hard time believing that so many guys can be such jerks.

So that got me thinking perhaps the guys that are usually labeled as*holes, ya know, the ones that don't return calls, stand you up, only want sex or are all around disrespectful and rude are this way because they just haven't met the woman that has really made them go 'Wow! I've got to get this one.' Or the one that makes them want to be a good man.
Now of course some men are just going to be like that regardless but maybe for some men they are just that way until something makes them want to change.

Thoughts??

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 11:11am

Nah, I don't think people change who they are, fundamentally...they just find someone who will put up with their particular brand of jerkiness.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 12:53pm

Forgive me 10000 times but I could not help myself - there it is again, 'flaky' vs 'not into' argument.

A man for whom you are the right woman and person and who genuienly wants you (not only sexually)and is the right man and person for you will not 'not phone' or stand you up. If I find myself in any kind of liaison with someone whom I 'allow' to 'not phone me and stand me up' and then rant and rave about what an a*****e he is..well, I'm beyond stupid. Been there, done that, never ever again. He is not to blame for not being into me.. I am however to blame for being blind or in denial enough not to see it.

Serious personality flaws (rudeness, lying, abuse etc) and women who choose to tolerate it are a different matter alltogether and I won't go into this here.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 1:17pm

Well, what you're saying in your final paragraph is what I'm talking about (women who will tolerate jerky behavior). Only such a woman would be "right" for a jerk...but there are a lot of those women out there, unfortunately!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 1:19pm

<<>>

snork.

Explains why *I'm* single.


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 05-23-2006 - 3:46pm
I think sometimes a guy will change his spots for a short amount of time in the pursuit phase when he thinks he has found the right woman for him, but ultimately he'll probably go back to his original behavior later in the relationship. I don't think these guys really change unless they clearly see that their behavior is a problem and want to change for themselves. Sometimes a woman that they love will point it out to them and then they will see that the behavior is negative and rather than lose the woman they will change for themselves and for her, but a lot of the time their pride is stronger and they would rather just walk away than have to change. In fact most people (more men than women) have too much pride and not enough humility to see that they do need to improve and become better people which is really sad actually.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Wed, 05-24-2006 - 11:44am
I think there will always be gentlemen out there. They are few and far in between. There will always be guys who treat women like sh*t for the rest of thier lives. But for those in between and the majority of the "men" out there, they simply need to grow up. In my opinion, it has to do more with their maturity level more then anything.