Just curious what you all think.
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| Fri, 05-04-2007 - 4:50pm |
Would you start plucking and arching your eight and ten year old daughter's eye brows? Would you allow them to wear padded bras which, in my opinion is not necessary at eight years old(well in some cases), and only accentuates that part of their anatomy?
I've never been the aunt of preteens before and while I would never scrutinize someones parenting, I knew I could come here and vent about it ; ) I know it's off-topic for the singles boards but . . .
The same two girls have been wearing make-up, polished nails, high heels, SHORT skirts, and two piece bathing suits since they were five and six. I have also discovered that they can go commando if they are so inclined. I know I shouldn't care what others think but when I am out in public with them and the ten year old has mascara smears under her eyes and a base line on her jowl, it's a little embarrassing.
I've tried to gently persuade their tastes a little since I know that they are emulating someone at home who they see (and admire) every day. It's not a matter of being girlie either, it's a matter of enjoying being a kid while they are still kids.
Some of my views are a result of being raised in a very conservative household, I'm sure. I just wanted some unbiased opinions. Ordinarily, I think I could easily not care one way or the other, but I happen to spend about 75% of my free time with these two nieces. Also, I am not thinking of approaching their parents . . . no way. I would just like to know if I'm being unreasonable in my thinking.
Thanks.

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I'm with you. I'm not what you'd call conservative either. I feel like our culture is already overly sexualized as it is...we really don't need to be turing it up a notch with little girls.
I see nothing wrong with a little makeup once in a while and maybe some "grown-up" clothes. But the padded bra is really out of line. Your nieces probably just see this as fun and being cool and grown up. But I agree, can't they just be little girls? What's the rush? It disturbs me too because it's just emphasizing our culture's intense focus on women's looks. "If I'm pretty enough I will be accepted, find a man, get married..."
By the way, I think boys are pressured to have sex too young also.
Hopefully these girls are also being encouraged to excel in school and sports, not just painting their fingernails.
This is SOOO totally un-PC, but we always say we can predict the girls who are most likely to end up pregnant by high school...and they're usually the girls who are doing the very things you described.
EIGHT and TEN, and they're wearing make-up???!!! Now, maybe this is just because my parents were strict when I was young...but if I was wearing make-up at that age, it was just playing at home - and NOT to be worn out of the house (except the one time I had a dance recital)!!! I was fourteen before my mom let me wear make-up outside the house, and even then, it was a "no-eyeliner or mascara, and only sheer lip colors" policy. I didn't start wearing full make-up until 15/16.
By the time I was that age, short skirts weren't really the style, and neither was anything tight or revealing (that was during the "grunge" fad, when everyone wore baggy jeans and plaid flannel shirts, which I had a whole closet full of).
And I certainly never wore a padded bra at that age. I got my first bra at 9 or 10 years old, and I never even wanted to wear it - my mother used to yell at me for NOT wearing it. I hated it because all the kids at school could see it through my shirts and they'd all make fun of me, taunting me by chanting, "you wear a bra-ah, you wear a bra-ah!" And kids would come up and snap the straps on me when I wasn't looking. Yeah. So not cool.
Anyway...times have changed, I guess!!! My stepsister is almost 16, and she looks like she's 25!!!
Oh, all of that just makes me so sad.
I really believe little girls should allowed to be just that - little girls. Let their freckles shine through, let them have pants with ripped knees from playing, and grass stains. Let them wear their princess dress over their jeans to go to the mall. Enjoy the freedom and innocence of being little and carefree.
To me, makeup, fashion, bikinis, padded bras(!!!!), and high heels are not for little girls. Ok, fine, let them play dress up once in awhile and try on mom's lipstick, but placing this kind of emphasis on looks so early in life is really awful. Teenage girls go through enough as it is, without having to start their teen years at age five.
My mom was a real stickler about all of those things. We (my two older sisters and I) had ages when we were allowed to do certain things - and they became milestones for "coming of age" in a way (a good way):
first heels and pantyhose - 6th grade (and only for school concerts, etc)
makeup, and only pastel; and leg shaving - 7th grade
ears pierced - 8th grade
owning any piece of black clothing - 9th grade
first date - 9th grade
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Their mother is very intelligent. She holds a master’s in education. She told me just the other night that she is striving to raise two smart, independent women. We were discussing how it's cool for some girls around this age to pretend they are "dumb" in order to get attention from boys. She abhors that kind of mentality.
However, she IS very body conscious. She had lipo done about five years ago and has always been a "looker". Trust me, she did NOT need it. I still can’t believe she went under the knife for the equivalent of a few ounces of fat. I could care less how beautiful or how unattractive she may be, I just can’t believe that someone with her intelligence would not see what they are doing. The monsters she *may* be creating. Who knows, maybe she thinks the more freedom they have, the less likely they will rebel?
The girls are good students but they are both boy crazy. I would almost go as far as to say that the oldest one is obsessed with them. Her mother had to tell her that she was not allowed to call one boy in particular any longer because his mother called and complained about the frequency of her calls.
This may all be normal but again, I wasn't allowed as much freedom so it's a little scary for me. Neither am I a parent myself. I guess I'm learning as I go along. It gets tricky because I'm NOT their parent so there is only so much I can do . . . I don't want them to make the same mistakes I made. Maybe mistakes is what makes a person grow. Maybe I need to let loose and breathe.
Are we PC on here? Whoops! Hee-hee.
I have already told my mother that when they start coming to me with sexual questions, I'm going to sit them down in front of the computer and show them graphic pictures of sexually transmitted diseases. I don't care what their parents say. I think it may work too, because they are both germ-a-phobes like their daddy.
I'm hoping you are wrong.
This is absolutely ridiculous!!!!! I don't care how big an 8 or a 10 year old is, they shouldn't be wearing makeup. Period!!! While I am not a parent so I can't complain about others parenting, I've raised one niece and a nephew, I don't see any good coming out of 8 and 10 year olds wearing padded bra, makeup, and high heels. If the child already has breast and it's being supported, that's fine but to enhance it is outrageous! Going commando?? I don't know how any parent will justify a behavior like that. That's sick! From the way you sound, it seems like talking to their parents will cause commotion unparellel to any other you've seen. Just try to slowly talk to them about their way of dressing but I got to tell you that it's gonna be an uphill battle since the parents don't seem to care.
I wasn't allowed to wear make-up until I was 16. I am confused because I have heard their parents tell them that they are only allowed to wear it on the weekends but I've seen them wearing it coming off of the school bus. I realize that they could be sneaking it to school and putting it on there, but if I am noticing it, why aren't their parents? Why hasn't it been taken away?
And see, I don't get this whole bra thing AT ALL. They've been wearing them since kindergarten!? I kid you not. Trust me the eight year old doesn't even need a training bra at this point but she is wearing one so padded that it makes her appear as though she is developing. The ten year old looks like she's wearing a large A to a small B-cup. She literally looks as if she has a rack and she's TEN. Don't get me wrong, it would be different if she needed a bra this pronounced, but she doesn't.
When I saw her earlier today and saw her eyebrows were arched, I lost it. I didn't say anything to her though, I only asked if her mother had plucked her brows last night and she confirmed it. I then changed the subject. I did not start plucking my brows until I was in high school.
It's just too much too soon but as I just indicated on another reply, maybe I just need to let go and let them make their own mistakes. I can't control them. They aren't mine and even if they were, I'm sure that would still be an impossible feat.
I agree with everything you included in your reply. I am starting to wonder if their mother is trying to use reverse psychology. Maybe she thinks if she gives into their whims and fancies, gives them plenty of "room", they will be less likely to rebel. I don't know. I don't get it. I'm just flabbergasted.
I fear exactly the thing that shy touched upon (teen pregnancy) but I guess there comes a point where I have to remind myself that they aren't my children. I won't be forced to deal with them if they continue to "mature" beyond their years. It will be difficult to separate myself from them if they start pulling the same crap I pulled, but I will if that is what it takes. Also, it isn't a science, this eight going on 16 thing. They could still turn out fine. I sure hope so!
I didn't respond favorably when I found out that they could go commando and actually made the oldest one cry. I felt horribly. I guess I'm over protective because the first thing I think about when it comes to all the things I've mentioned in the thread is, child predators. That is my main concern, along with the rate at which they are becoming young women.
Along with many others on this board, I'm sure, adulthood has been a rollercoaster ride flooded with stress. I just want them to enjoy this time and not be worrying about their looks, boys, their weight, popularity, death . . . I won't even go into the death thing. I'll just say that they had a family member to pass at a fairly young age and they were used as a sounding board at the tender ages of four and six.
The youngest one literally mentions this family member every time I see her which, is often. I'm sure you can read between the lines. They do not have the healthiest home life. I don't think it warrants calling DCS or anything but it's difficult to process the things that come out of their mouths sometimes. They are like little adults.
What do you mean when you say you raised your niece and nephew? Do you mean literally? What an undertaking, very selfless of you.
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