Just curious what you all think.
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| Fri, 05-04-2007 - 4:50pm |
Would you start plucking and arching your eight and ten year old daughter's eye brows? Would you allow them to wear padded bras which, in my opinion is not necessary at eight years old(well in some cases), and only accentuates that part of their anatomy?
I've never been the aunt of preteens before and while I would never scrutinize someones parenting, I knew I could come here and vent about it ; ) I know it's off-topic for the singles boards but . . .
The same two girls have been wearing make-up, polished nails, high heels, SHORT skirts, and two piece bathing suits since they were five and six. I have also discovered that they can go commando if they are so inclined. I know I shouldn't care what others think but when I am out in public with them and the ten year old has mascara smears under her eyes and a base line on her jowl, it's a little embarrassing.
I've tried to gently persuade their tastes a little since I know that they are emulating someone at home who they see (and admire) every day. It's not a matter of being girlie either, it's a matter of enjoying being a kid while they are still kids.
Some of my views are a result of being raised in a very conservative household, I'm sure. I just wanted some unbiased opinions. Ordinarily, I think I could easily not care one way or the other, but I happen to spend about 75% of my free time with these two nieces. Also, I am not thinking of approaching their parents . . . no way. I would just like to know if I'm being unreasonable in my thinking.
Thanks.

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I am always on the go with them, doing, seeing. One of their favorite places is downtown. There are several colleges within a few miles of one another so there are lots of artsy activities. They are both really interested in music, too. The oldest plays the piano. She's had no formal training, but she's quite good. She's also an extremely talented writer. She says she wants to go into the medical field. Her dad was a nurse and really should have gone on to medical school. I'm urging her to try and pursue both if possible. The youngest is all over the place. She's been diagnosed to ADHD. I consider it a victory if I can get her to focus on one thing for 15 minutes. I am hoping to find something which sparks her interest!
The oldest is going to middle school next year. If they have a program such as the one you described, I haven't heard of it but maybe they do . . . that would be great.
Edited 5/7/2007 3:44 pm ET by cfk_3
See? You are a good influence. Take heart in that. :)
The group was called "Brass Ringers," (i.e. encouraging girls to reach for the brass ring) but I think it was specific to our school -- we had some motivated teachers who organized it. I'm sure with school funding issues, those types of programs are less common now, but it might be worth mentioning to the teachers at the school as an idea. It was perfect for me because it came along right as Girl Scouts ended -- it was a nice continuation of that.
Maybe there's a Girl Scouts troop in their neighborhood? They are the perfect age for that.
In high school, I was part of a group called Symphony Debs. We weren't debutantes, as the name implies, but it was a group for girls that organized trips to the symphony, plays, art museums, etc. If your niece is into music, that would be perfect for her as well. (Again, this might be specific to my area - or there might be similar groups nationwide).
Here's a link to that one: http://www.denverballetguild.org/lesdemoiselles.html
They are affiliated with the local ballet now, so maybe you can find a similar group through your local arts organizations.
I can only imagine what it's like for girls now - the media and images out there are much worse than they were when I was that age (in the 80s).
AJ, enjoying life with C.
Please don't feel guilty -- you have valid concerns. I think it's excellent that you've posted and if you can't vent with complete strangers (of similar mindset) who can you vent with? :) Seriously though, I hope we've at least helped you affirm your concerns for the kids. They're growing up awfully fast.
Perhaps a counselor could do some good. He/She could give you some tactics to use with the kids, but also help you understand that you're a blessing for them and that you can only do so much. If you have an Employee Assistance program through work or if you're affiliated with a church, that might keep the costs down for the sessions you'd use.
I'm sure you're doing this already, but kids never hear "I love you" enough. In the same way telling them early and often (as I'm sure you've done) that you're always going to be there for them, no matter what happens, is such a reassuring thing -- even if they give you the eye roll ;) Even, "Your body is going to be going through some changes soon and it can feel weird to ask your mom. If it would be easier to ask me, I'll answer the best I can."
Since it resonates so much with you, is there any one thing you think would help your eldest niece with her self confidence given your experience? If you could go back in time, what would you tell yourself -- would that help her? Maybe offer to role play with her since she has a hard time with social interaction if you hit a bump with your discussion. Just giving her clues about how she can act when something makes her uncomfortable might give her a shot of confidence.
Good luck -- my fingers are crossed!
I tell them I love them every time I see them but I think I could give them a lot more hugs and kisses. I'll plan on it.
I think a therapist is in order. I could benefit from some anger management tools where it applies to their behavior. When they are together, they push buttons. They're wonderful when I have them one on one. I think they push me because they are competing for attention.
My sister is not as involved because she lives so far away but she did get the oldest one some becoming of age-type books. She has a daughter who has just turned ten so, she's going through the same types of things, hormonally.
The role playing was a very good suggestion, thank you. I spent this afternoon with them and they were wonderful. They are sweet girls, when they want to be ; )
Thanks for your suggestions, and the link. Girl scouts, etc. gets tricky because I do have my own life to consider and their parents are both extremely selfish. The oldest was talking to me today about sports. Maybe if she shows enough interest, they will get her involved. Maybe I could even finagle it, we'll see. It would be great for her ego, definitely. She could see what it's like to interact with normal girls her age, too. I get the feeling that she is a little backwards at school.
Thanks again!
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