From "just dating" to boyfriend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2003
From "just dating" to boyfriend?
Sat, 08-09-2003 - 11:37pm
I was just wondering how people decide that the guy they're dating is their boyfriend. I'm 25 and don't feel that I've ever had a real "boyfriend". I've been seeing this guy for 2 months (our first date was 7 weeks ago, and we emailed for 2 weeks before that). We've seen each other every weekend, and we've slept together (several times). I like him a lot. The thing is, I'm not sure I feel like he's my "boyfriend". Can anyone relate?

It's weird, because he's referred to me as his girlfriend twice, and it feels a little weird to me. Yes, I admit, I have issues :) I'm posting on this board because I feel like a single -- maybe it's because that's what I've been most of my adult life.

Any comments are welcome :)


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2002
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 10:51am
I want to say for me it's when we become exclusive. But that's not it entirely either, because how we feel about each other has something to do with it too. My present guy became my bf in my mind when we both said "I love you." In my last relationship, the guy never felt like my bf because *he* never let himself think of me like that. He called me his "very good friend." So I never referred to him as my bf to anyone except myself and in anonymous situations like message boards.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 11:49am
Having become enlightened via the 70s women's movement, I still believe in following a man's lead when it comes to love. HE has to be the one to declare his intentions, else a woman may lead herself on in their involvement.

That may be happening to you right now. Your man MAY have referred to you as his GF, albeit casually, but how casual can it have been if you're raising the issue now? My next move would be to ask him upfront: are we or aren't we? As most of us know, sex does not a relationship make; anyone can get laid, but as for committing to exclusivity, that takes a lot more than hitting the sack together, as most of us at this board already know.

It sounds as if the two of you enjoy each other's company, enjoy each other in bed, so enjoy each other--for now. A few lays and emails does not constitute a life-long, no-cut contract to exclusivity, so unless that's what you're looking for, enjoy him and the moment. But don't look for anything else beyond that, b/c it doesn't sound as if there will be--from EITHER of you for each other. Nothing wrong w/that either, so live for this moment w/this man.


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 08-10-2003 - 7:29pm
If he's called you his girlfriend, especially if it's to other people, then he sees you as his girlfriend. What that means to him, though, who knows. Since he's the one to bring it up, you should feel fairly safe asking him about it. Until you talk about being exclusive (and since you're having sex, I'm going to assume you want to be), then you really can't be sure he isn't sleeping with anyone else. Once you have that "talk", then I'd say it's safe to consider you two a couple.