Just friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Just friends
11
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 10:02pm

I've posted a few times about the guy I've been "dating" for over a month and wondering why he hasn't kissed me yet. Well, I got my answer tonight. Apparently he hasn't kissed me yet because he DOESN'T WANT TO!!! Ha! We were talking on the phone and making plans for the weekend and he offered for me to stay with him all weekend because we live an hour away from each other and we have a lot of church stuff and other things going on all weekend. I told him I didn't know if I'd be able to make it out to his house tonight, since I had so much stuff to do, but I'd call him later and let him know.

Well, when I called he reiterated that he would be a perfect gentleman and he would give me the bed and he'd take the couch. Then he dropped the bomb: "We're just friends, so it's not like I'm going to hit on you or anything."

I feel like such an idiot. In a way I'm kinda glad, because I don't really want another relationship and he's been a great friend so far. But I feel dumb. Really dumb!!! Ah well, at least the pressure is off now, right? And now I'm free to date the other guy I've had my eye on.

Oh, and in light of all this I decided to stay home tonight and do girl things. It's a good feeling to have that freedom and not feel like I have to shift my life around for a guy.

This could be a good thing, right?? And, who knows? He may end up having no choice but to fall in love with me anyway. LOL. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Fri, 03-16-2007 - 10:42pm
Well, at least now you know what his deal is. Glad to hear that you are taking it well. I hope you have fun doing your girly things tonight. Have a good weekend!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 03-17-2007 - 10:44am

I kind of suspected that might be the case.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 10:05pm

Yes, shywon, he did act like we were dating. Even though I was frustrated that he hadn't kissed me yet, I thought that I had finally found a guy who wanted to get to know ME. And I was actually HAPPY when he told me that we were just friends. In fact, after I really took time to reflect, I was thrilled because I knew that if we were meant to be a couple, being friends first would give us a sturdy foundation. If not, I'd found an amazing friend.

But here is an update....we spent the weekend together and Saturday was fabulous. With the pressure off, we just had so much fun together. So, last night when he suggested a drink or two, I was all for it, feeling complete trust for my new "friend." Well, after a few too many I had sex with him. This is devastating for me because I am a devout Christian and I hold strong to my values. I don't think he deliberatly set out to take advantage of me, and I am to blame for drinking in the first place. I KNOW how I get when I drink. But I still feel like something is off.

His explanation for the "just friends" thing is that he didn't want me to think he was only interested in getting in my pants, but that he is (was?) interested in me in a romantic way. Then this morning I told him "well, now I guess I know that you don't want to just be friends, since we were a little more than friendly last night." He didn't respond and he changed the subject. And we had planned for him to work on my car today and he said "I'm not going to look at your car today." Just like that - NO explanation and no attempt to reschedule! When we parted ways this morning he gave me only a friendly hug and he thanked me. He thanked me!!!! Then he said he'd call this afternoon, and it's 7 pm and no call yet.

Oh, I am the poster child for stupidity. Again, I don't think this was a deliberate act on his part, and maybe he's just wierded out by the whole thing, too. Maybe he does only want to be friends, but the alcohol took over and he doesn't know how to back pedal out of this. Or maybe, just maybe, this guy knew the exact way to earn the trust of a naive Christian girl, because he knew that was the only way to get her to have sex with him.

I really truly hate men! (But mostly, I'm really truly mad at myself right now.)




Edited 3/18/2007 10:19 pm ET by writerchick007
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 10:19pm
Could it be that he was hoping for some sort of reaction out of you when he made this observation?
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 03-18-2007 - 10:37pm

I hadn't read this latest post when I replied, if that makes any sense.

Don't beat yourself up. I've been there! I'm a flirty, giddy girl when I drink too. I haven't flubbed in a good while, but I know how you feel. I've kissed a few frogs but I haven't closed any deals lately, thank goodness. That's the worst feeling, right? I promise I'm not trying to make you feel worse, LOL!

Since you've opened up the box, does this guy attend church with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 11:59am

Ugggh writer. I just want to shake you right now. But I'll give you a virtual hug instead.

Going from 0-60 (no kissing at all to full on sex) was definitely not the best of things but whatever it's over it's done with you can't take it back but I think his behavior the next day speaks VOLUMES and I don't like it. Not nice!

((((HUGS)))))

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 12:05pm

<<>>

Okay I read this line and thought. Wow that was kind of crude. LOL Yup...Lovinhockey needs to get her mind out of the gutter sometimes. ROFL

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 12:21pm

Don't be mad at yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 2:44pm

Yes, he does go to church with me (lovinhockey, I thought the same thing regarding the "box" reference. LOL. We are so bad :P). In fact, we are in a weekly bible study together, and this week's topic is about temptation and not having sex before marriage. Ugh. I think I might as well wear a sign around my neck that says "hypocrite."

Okay, but he did call last night and we've been in contact today. It turns out he wasn't feeling well...duh! I'm STILL hungover! He's been very cordial and sweet, so we'll see. It's all tug and push with this guy.

He's knows I feel guilty about what happened and if he's smart he should have figured out that it won't happen again. But to be honest, it was so GOOD that resisting in the future is going to be very difficult, even when I'm sober. Anyway, he may or may not want to pursue things (friendship, or otherwise). Right now the ball is in his court. I'm just going with the flow and I'm letting him pursue me, if that is what he wants.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 2:57pm
That's too funny!! I didn't even think about that . . .

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