Just Friends or Interested?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Just Friends or Interested?
12
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 8:09pm

Hi all. Not sure where to post this so I posting here and on one other thread.

I have a guy friend that I have been friends with for about 6 months. Recently we have been hanging out more. He tells me to call him if I am in the area and we have dinner. We call each other about 2-3 times a week and have 1 hour plus conversations about everything (his job, my job, people we know, a little flirty sometimes, etc). We text each other about 5 times a week and email almost everyday (say hi, catch up) and using messenger a few times a week. We go places together and just generally have fun.

I thought he was just a friend but all this time with him and talking to him I am starting to become attracted to him. The problem is I dont know if he views me as just a friend or would like more. Does any of this behavior sound like just friends or maybe something more? I am suppossed to hang out with him at his house tomorrow (first time I have been there). I just am curious to see if I should test the waters about something more and how to go about that? I havent dated in a long time as I was married for many years so I am rusty at this.

Any help would be appreciated. Maybe some ways to flirt and see what he is thinking etc, if y'all think this might be more then friends material.

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Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 09-01-2007 - 10:08pm

I think that the way things have started with him is actually ideal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Sun, 09-02-2007 - 6:47pm

We hung out. Nothing happened. He said he would call me tonight and asked if I want to go do something on Saturday.

Any way to tell if he wants to be more then friends without directly asking?

Thanks for the replies.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 10:54pm
Well first of all congratulations on finding a man who is capable of spending time with a woman and communicating ! I find it odd (being that he is male) that if he is interested in you he hasn't tried taking things a step further so far. But it could be that he actually feels like he found something special and wants to enjoy it. I find it hard to believe that a man who keeps in such good touch with you and spends time chatting with you on the phone about his and your life wouldn't be interested in something more then a friendship. Maybe he is wondering how you feel as well ? I know one thing for sure, you shouldn't let this opportunity slip through your fingertips. In terms of ways to flirt I think it has to come naturally. But if you're really desperate then try renting a movie to watch with him or even going to see a movie. Try resting your hand on his (a 2 hour film should give you plenty of time to work up the nerve/have the chance to do this) and see how he responds. If he grasps your hand back or doesn't pull away then I would take that as at least a hint ! It's a simple display of affection which shouldn't leave anyone feeling too akward. You guys seem to be good friends though so why not just try asking him what he's thinking ? If you're both mature people then your relationship should stay the same no matter how he ends up feeling about you. Good luck :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 5:36pm

Thank you very much. I appreciate all of your thoughts on this.

I have been thinking a lot about talking to him about it. I am afraid he wont feel the same way. I am also afraid of screwing up a great friendship.

I have had other guy friends that say they are my friend and always try to make it something more. He knows I get annoyed with them because of this. It is possible that he is wondering if it is okay to try something with me. Since I dont usually pursue this is very new territory for me. I know he probably wont start anything because he is most likely concerned about upsetting me. So I am going to have to make the move. I just need to get the courage to make a move or talk to him.

Thank you again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 12:26am

Here is where I stand. I hope I can get some advice.

My guy friend and I were together doing some things on Saturday for about 6 hours and again tonight for about 6 hours at his house. I was helping him tonight take care of something.

Saturday he did all the right things I think a man should do if they are interested in a woman. We went to dinner and he wanted to pay, carried the bag of food to the car, we drove my car because that is what I wanted and he filled the gas tank. We laughed and joked all day and had a great time. He sent me an email and text message before I even got home.

Today I sat next time him like it was suggested. Our arms, hands and legs brushed against each other many times. He ordered dinner in for us. Everything was good. Besides sitting next to each other and casual touching (no one backed away akwardly, etc) nothing else happened.

Here is my question. Given all this information does it appear that he is interested? Should I actually make a move? Or should I just wait it out and see what happens? I really thought of doing something tonight. It seemed right but I am so concerned that if he doesnt feel the same I will have killed the friendship.

What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 2:18pm

have had other guy friends that say they are my friend and always try to make it something more. He knows I get annoyed with them because of this. It is possible that he is wondering if it is okay to try something with me.
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I am up to date with what you wrote, but this made sense to me. I think you need to make a move . .and this is a good opening. Just tell him you usually don’t confuse things with friends, but you DO feel more is going on and ask him if he “agrees”. Simple. (-:

He might be just showing respect for what you “”normally expect””, and not be wanting to screw things up. As I read this it “feels” like this is the case. You may not have drawn the lines with him, but he knows where you do draw the line and is trying not to cross it.

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Wed, 09-12-2007 - 10:21pm
Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 8:36am
Start by asking how it happened. Guys always like talking about our battle scars.
We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Thu, 09-13-2007 - 5:58pm

I will try that.


I was at his house last night.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Sun, 09-16-2007 - 11:25am

Well the attraction

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