Just read Alone and not lonely...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Just read Alone and not lonely...
7
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 2:50pm
I enjoyed reading everyone's posts & just want to say WOW!!! Way to go Ash!

I also want to say thank you everyone for being so kind & supportive. I am definitely going to post here as often as I can.

I don't feel scared to be alone & definilty don't want to be with the wrong person. I can only start with today.

I am not a deeply religious person, but I am praying a lot more for strength & the courage to end things with my on-again off-again b/f. Reading Ash's story, I feel like he could just see me as his next meal ticket. I have also looked at his whole family structure & see a trend. Instead of his parents dealing with issues with their kids, they buy them new trucks or pay for things. One brother has serious mental problems which they have addressed, but the one thing that seems to be underlying is all of their inability to communicate.

It is discouraging because I see this trait in so many men...and I do say men. I know there are women out there too with communication problems, but it is kinda hopeless out there.

I also get down on myself because I see my own problems with self-esteem & at 37 almost 38 it is getting better, but not much. Today I looked in the mirror & just felt like a freak.

Anyway, thank you everyone for being here.

Funbiz

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-03-2003 - 11:22pm
You're welcome! We're really good at support here.

Are you planning a clean break? Please say yes! I just got off the phone with my best friend who is dealing with a new relationship where he didn't make a clean break with his ex, and now he wants to go back to her, despite the reasons he broke up in the first place. She won't listen to reason, and he should have cut things off with no contact. As a result, now two people are miserable, not to mention his two kids who she just adores (and they adore her) who will be caught in the middle. Clean breaks are painful, but in the end, much easier!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 1:30am
That's where I need some advice:

Should I:

1) Completly blow him off...like he has done for me

2) Leave him a voicemail..."this isn't working for me. please don't contact me"

3) Talk to him over the phone & keep it brief by saying #2.

I am tired of being "nice" but yet I do have a valuse system, but yet I owe him nothing yet, tit for tat.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 8:15am
I'm going to make another option for you. Gather up everything you have that's his, throw it in a box, go to his place, and drop it in front of him. Tell him that you no longer want to see him. Don't take his calls and block his emails. Don't blow him off- although it's nice to see someone get what they asked for, you're really just stooping to his level, and that's pretty immature. You won't look back on that positively in ten years!

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 10:31am
Dear CL,

I am thinking that you are joking when you wrote that to get your point across. Yes, I would feel bad...not 10 years later but 10 minutes later & no, although it would feel good to be a jerk like he was to me, I have to live with myself.

I really was asking for honest advice & I think I got the answer. Yes, I should handle the departure in a more mature way.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 09-04-2003 - 6:50pm
Well, no, I wasn't joking. You agreed with me right? I only mentioned the blowing him off thing because you listed it as an option.

Now I'm confused!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-05-2003 - 10:14am
Hi,

I decided that I will handle it the mature way. Despite my mistakes, basically he can't communicate & he is who he is, and I am who I am. Kinda sounds like Popeye.

I have to *not" behave like an immature person & deal with this. I wish we could be friends, but the trust is gone. I am sounding like a hypocrite here.

Anyway, thanks for your support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Thu, 09-11-2003 - 4:45pm
As a follow-up...to show you how good things can evolve from bad situations, last Mon a schoolteacher friend of mine (who suffered my angst w/me) asked me to be a speaker at her Goal-Setting session; she teaches at an at-risk high school.

I didn't give them the "down and dirty" details, but I did talk about how hard life had been: going to college yet coming from a "broken home;" suffering through and escaping from a 16-yr r'ship w/an abusive drunk; trying to make a career and being fired from a govt job b/c my boss said I was too FAT; going through the system and coming back to the same job 5 yrs later; becoming diabetic and losing 140 lbs, etc. Later on one of the girls gave me a thank-you note, and she told me her favorite part was "when (I) talked about how (I) never gave up!"

That cheered me up--and made me feel like, well, maybe all that heartache wasn't for nothing...

Ash