just wanted to know????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
just wanted to know????????
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 5:53pm

I am 47 and divorced with a 14 yo who feels now Its time to start dating again. I havent had a date in a real long time. ( i have been divorced for years). Anyway looking i am not in the bar clubbing thing, so I have been looking thru the internet at some of these places (MATCH.COM, ETC). Can some 1 PLEASE explain to me why some of these guys out there either want you for sex sex sex OR state no BBW. I am on the slightly heavy side but not that much that get out of breath. I am 5'2" and may be about 180. I have been doing a lot of walking to and from my car when I go to work ( I park further away just to get my exercse). First any 1 having these problems.

Second, can any 1 recommend a good dating web site


a nice place (other than club please) to meet guys who care about your brains and not the outside package. I live in Queens Ny.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:00pm
I grew up in Queens - lived there for 28 years. When I did on line dating I just skipped over the ads that suggested or stated that they wanted only sex. I think it is fine for a man to state a preference that the woman not be overweight - physical attraction is essential and if the man knows that an overweight woman will not turn him on, why start down that path? I have heard that weight watchers is a wonderful weight loss program - have you contemplated trying that?

I will tell you that men have complained to me in the past when a woman was inaccurate about her weight - by a lot - not by a little - better to be honest up front so there is no awkwardness when you meet.

I met about 40 men in person through match, matchmaker, and jdate. Out of the 40 I probably saw less than 25% more than once and saw only about 6 or so more than three times. I have friends who met their fiancees/husbands/serious boyfriends through on line dating services.

Best of luck with the on line dating and I hope you get out there in real life to meet people too!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 6:31pm
I don't want to sound "mean" here...but I will not date an overweight man. Love handles or a little "chubbiness" is OK - but not overweight. I ride a bicycle to work. I hike, rollerblade and play lots of sports. I want a companion to share that with me. I also eat really healthy food all the time. I have had many men tell me they would go if I ask them, would eat whatever I cooked - but really, if thats WHO THEY ARE, they would already be doing it. I don't want to change someone. R/ships are enough of a compromise. Anyway, I was just pointing out why someone might feel that way - so you can understand.

Keep your eyes open for men everywhere - you could meet someone at the gas station, the grocery store or coffee shop. Just be friendly and sociable. Join interest groups and clubs - even if you don't meet a guy - you may meet more friends and have a great time!

Good luck, Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2003
Sat, 07-19-2003 - 9:50pm

This for both your letter and the one above yours. I am not what you call BBW like the guys have out there or over wieght ( I see that on that on my job and believe me I dont want to look like that). I am what you call chubbie due to the aggrevation i had over the years i had with my ex. I was skinny (105) when I got out HS 30 years ago but gained this mess after I got married. I can say for most I have lost some wght. If I wasnt working and stay home I would loose a lot. I sit all day (lol). I just happened not to be obesed like 1/2 these people out here other wise I would be in trouble.

Only thing is its gotten to the point people have gotten particular about who they want to be with, and who I went have gone out with on and off during the last few years are rejects. (hate to say that).

I have been looking on the out side too while shopping etc. Guess it will be a while before I get married again.

I have a girl who is extremely over wieght on my job and she said like you did she doesnt care about her being fat but doesnt want date fat guys.

Thanks again and have a good day.